<p>H and I recently visited his family and learned that his sister and her husband are paying the rent for their daughter’s apartment in a DC suburb. The daughter graduated from college in 2010, lived at home working odd jobs (cashier at a bookstore was one) and travelled (paid for by parents). She recently started what seems to be a good professional job in PR at a DC firm. </p>
<p>H and I have been having a discussion about the merits of continuing to pay for an adult child’s living expenses once that child is working. H is pretty insistent that it is a terrible idea and will stiffle motivation to get ahead. I am less certain. If our own D ends up working in DC after college (not a stretch to imagine), I doubt her starting salary would pay for much given how expensive it is to live there. So I guess I sympathize with my SIL and BIL. I should perhaps add that the in-laws paid for all of their kids’ college tuition, as H and I are for our own D (although much she pays through merit scholarships). And it might also be relevant that both H and I funded our own educations, both college and graduate schools.</p>
<p>So would you pay your college graduate’s rent in DC?</p>
<p>Hmmm, is there a back story behind this, like “$50,000 in student loan debt, but could only find $30,000/year jobs in expensive areas”?</p>
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<p>Of course, university education was a lot less expensive back then (after adjusting for inflation), and the job and career value of a bachelor’s degree (even a non-specific/preprofessional one) was probably greater than it is now, due to fewer people having bachelor’s degrees back then.</p>
<p>Niece has no student loan debt. I don’t know what her salary is (couldn’t even guess–no idea what PR firms in DC might pay, and I really don’t even know what she does, except that she was an English/journalism major and this job apparently suits her skills well). The parents paying the rent was just mentioned casually, and I didn’t think much of it until H said (to me later) that he thought it was a terrible idea.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine that I would. If she has a professional job and can’t afford her apt she should get a roommate and do all the things she needs to do to make it work. I can see keeping a kid on insurance right after graduation, helping outfit the house with furniture and such, but if she can’t pay her living expenses then she isn’t make a livable wage and needs to work a second job or find a cheaper place to live, etc.</p>
<p>The only things we pay for our college grad kids are college loan payments (our graduation gift to them…a FRACTION of the monthly college costs) and health insurance (one kid has an individual policy because he’s over 26 and his job doesn’t have health insurance…I’d scrub floors to make sure my kids had health insurance). No rent…no utilities…nothing else…although we do send gift cards that can be used to buy groceries as gifts every so often.</p>
<p>Aside from rent, there are a lot of things that parents can pay for to help their newly “financially independent” children. My husband and I have been discussing this.</p>
<p>For example, there’s the cell phone. Almost every parent I know has kept their kid on their cell phone plan, since the incremental difference is usually $10/line. Of course, if it’s a smart phone, there’s the data charge, too. But still cheaper than their having their own plan. I know one married couple in their 30s who are still on their parents’ plan (they may pay for their accounts and phones, I don’t know).</p>
<p>How about something as little as a New York Times subscription, to access it digitally? A Netflix account so they can watch streaming video? </p>
<p>Our kid is paying her rent, car loan, car insurance. We helped with the rental deposit (but expect that back when she moves). In some cases I could understand parents contributing a little so kids get an apartment in a safe neighborhood or in a doorman building. But not paying the whole thing.</p>
<p>I think continuing support of a working college graduate is not a great idea, although I can see how it happens under some circumstances.</p>
<p>But there is a transition period between school and work, and young people may need financial help (as well as other kinds of help) at that time. </p>
<p>A young person fresh out of college may find a good, career-track job in a city far from home and discover that he/she suddenly needs to fork over large amounts of money for the trip to that city to look for an apartment, the first month’s rent and security deposit on the apartment, a car (unless mass transit in the area is good), business clothing, basic furniture, initial payments to utility and cable companies, and other necessities – often totaling in the thousands of dollars. And all this happens before the newly employed person has earned a dime. Parents may need to help out here. Parents may even need to subsidize the young person’s living expenses for the first few weeks on the job so that the kid can eat until the first paycheck comes in. And in large cities, where landlords are careful about tenants’ incomes and credit ratings, parents may also need to co-sign the young person’s lease as a guarantor.</p>
<p>I don’t think the question is whether you do it yourself but whether you think it’s awful for others who do it to do so. </p>
<p>I don’t. It’s hard to get a job right now. Some entry level jobs pay very little. A kid may be in the position of having to pass on an entry level job paying a low salary in a city away from home because the salary isn’t enough to pay their bills. They will have to stay home with parents and work at the book store of Starbucks. </p>
<p>In that situation, if the parents can afford it, I don’t see anything wrong with the parents paying rent. I think there has to be a clearly defined end to the commitment–two years tops. </p>
<p>I am not aware of any young people whose parents pay all of their rent, but several of my D’s female friends had parents who paid part of their rent here in NYC. The young women were quite willing to live in cheaper apartments. When their parents saw where those apartments were and the condition they were in, they didn’t want their Ds to live there. So, they subsidized their rent. One woman’s parents INSISTED that she live in a building with a door man. So, they paid the difference in rent. Others have paid the difference between the cost of a studio and the cost of a share because they just didn’t like the idea of their Ds living with strangers. </p>
<p>This is one of those areas in which you just can’t make hard and fast rules. It depends on the circumstances.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the individual’s personality. Some kids are born rocket ships, and they’re going to work hard regardless of incentives. If you have this kind of kid, and you can afford to cushion their lifestyle in an expensive city while they work their way up, I think it’s fine.</p>
<p>Other kids without such a strong innate work ethic may benefit from reality giving them a nice kick in the pants. Most parents know which kind of kid they’ve got.</p>
<p>I too have been wondering if DH & I will be “helping” our daughter, a recent grad with a career-oriented job she will begin in September in NYC. This job pays very little but should provide a significant boost to her resume come grad school application time. </p>
<p>I have no answers right now, but I too wondered if we should/will be supplementing her salary. Time will tell, I suppose.</p>
<p>“The young women were quite willing to live in cheaper apartments. When their parents saw where those apartments were and the condition they were in, they didn’t want their Ds to live there. So, they subsidized their rent. One woman’s parents INSISTED that she live in a building with a door man. So, they paid the difference in rent. Others have paid the difference between the cost of a studio and the cost of a share because they just didn’t like the idea of their Ds living with strangers.”</p>
<p>None of these seem like reasonable circumstances to me. These parents are treating their adult children like teenagers. They’re in their twenties, for God’s sake. Sketchy neighbourhoods, living with strangers, and the possibility of crime and theft are things that millions of people living in New York have to deal with every day. That’s part of living in a city, especially New York. </p>
<p>When one is a recent college grad, it is perfectly natural for the standard of living to take a significant dip. Isn’t this something we’re supposed to deal with as a part of becoming young adults? </p>
<p>I can understand parents loaning their kids a chunk of money because their car broke down (or some similar circumstance necessitating the immediate payment of a lot of money) and they’re faced with a choice between repairs and rent/food/other necessities. But this concept of ‘oh, no, this liveable condition simply isn’t good enough for my child, I’m going to subsidise their living with thousands of dollars per year’ seems absolutely ludicrous to me. Where can I buy me some of them parents?</p>
<p>No wonder older people keep complaining about my generation!</p>
<p>Standard of living is one thing. Safety is another.</p>
<p>One of my grown kids, living and working in a suburban area, is commuting by bicycle because he can’t afford a car yet. The other kid, living and working in a city (not New York) is keeping expenses down by having no car, no landline telephone, and no cable TV. But both have drawn the line when it comes to living in unsafe neighborhoods or sharing apartments with people they don’t know. They would rather pay a premium for a safer living situation and economize on other things.</p>
<p>Of course, I know that there are young people (especially in New York) who can’t afford a safer living situation even if they economize on other things, and I can see why some parents would help out in that situation. And sexist as it may be to say it, I can see why parents might be more motivated to help out in such situations if the young person is a woman.</p>
<p>I just think that dealing with a certain level of sketchiness and less-than-comfortable living is part of the deal. </p>
<p>In terms of helping out with the getting established, I think that a bit of assistance from parents to help kids with start-up costs of living is reasonable. On the other hand, I think kids should be saving money in anticipation of this. I’m making a comfortable amount of money this summer from work (I’m a rising sophomore), but I’m not spending much of it. My TV for my room this year came off someone’s lawn with a ‘free’ sign, my Xbox is coming off of ebay for less than $100, and I’m doing the best I can to economise on essentials and nice things alike so that I have money to do things like fund my travel abroad and have cash on hand for some start-up costs/a rainy day fund when I’m living on my own.</p>
<p>Our D graduated in May 2011 and got a post grad internship which has turned into a full time job, with livable but not great pay. She is living in this bigger city with a fellow college graduate so yes, it greatly helps to split the costs. </p>
<p>Our grad present for her was 2 months rent (to get her through her internship where there was pay, but basically minimum wage). She SOOOO appreciated that. Now that she is working full time, we will not pay her rent, but of our choice, plan to give her some extra cash as she still adjusts to the paying rent-food-utilities-unexpected things reality of life. </p>
<p>She takes this “big girl” life seriously but we want her to not over stress about it and ease into bill-paying responsibility. It’s not a lot of cash. But we know that she is not a big spender and will budget and plan. We just don’t want her to feel like she has to agonize over every decision - the $2 generic cereal or the $3.50 one I really like better - as she settles in.</p>
<p>It’s personal preference for your family. She doesn’t expect this assistance forever, but seems VERY grateful to have a little wiggle room as she is settling in.</p>
<p>Ideally, yes, kids should save for this, but many are not in a position to do so. And it’s hard to anticipate how much money you will need. Will you be in an office where casual clothing is allowed, or will you need a full wardrobe of business suits, all of which have to be dry cleaned? Will you be able to find an apartment in a location where you can take a bus to work, or will you need a car? Will you be living close enough to home so that you can raid your parents’ house for furniture, or will you be on the other side of the country and need to furnish your place from scratch? You won’t know the answers to these questions until you have your job and apartment lined up.</p>
<p>I remember when I was young, my first “serious” job started in early August. I had not anticipated this – I thought I would find a job that started either in the beginning of the summer or in the fall. But an August start presented a problem – I had saved up some money for a business wardrobe, but I didn’t have enough money for both summer business clothes for immediate use and fall/winter business clothes to start wearing after Labor Day. So I bought only the winter stuff and sweated like crazy for the first month. I’m sure I also looked bizarre. But these are the kinds of situations young people get in. </p>
<p>At the time, it didn’t occur to me to ask my parents if I could borrow some money for clothes. Maybe I should have asked.</p>
<p>Take clothes for instance. Over the college years, while D was certainly buying some clothes on her own, we still purchased a good bit - the essential stuff - jeans, coats, shoes, etc. She could buy her own splurges. She’s graduated and working now. While I will have my limits, it would be my honor to take her shopping one day this fall and buy her a couple of good work outfits. </p>
<p>Our costs are much less having her out of school and out of the house. We are happy to still spoil her a bit though when we can. (our definition of “spoil” is pretty basic - doesn’t include fancy trips or anything!!)</p>
<p>S, 2010 grad/teacher (low pay) was “home” last/this summer. I charged him room/board.
He gets by with a shared apartment, shared vehicle. Frugal kid.
I did give him a birthday gift (clothes) and since he doesn’t have vision insurance, I paid for his eye exam. (Thought that was pretty generous of me…)
When we were in grad school, my parents “let” us (me, H, S#1) live in scary neighborhoods and didn’t help us out. However, they did allow us move in with them for a few weeks when druggies burned down our apt. building. (We saw/heard a lot of interesting stuff in that building. . .it was a real “education.”)</p>
<p>S will be graduating in Dec. from a DC college & wants to stay in the city. In exchange for graduating a semester early (and saving us the $), we’ve agreed to pay his living expenses for 6 months. That still means he has to find housing that he’ll be able to afford once we’re not supporting him financially. It also means he’ll need to be careful with his $ and not spend it on unnecessary purchases.</p>
<p>Actually, New York’s crime rate has plummeted to a degree far greater than one would expect based on the usual explanations (both right wing and left wing).</p>