<p>This has been so hard. My son came home this weekend as it is a long weekend and no one is really on campus this weekend. After here, he told me that he had gone out on a date with a girl. My son has been raised to be a complete gentleman. He shaved and dressed in a nice button up shirt. The whole bit. And he paid 100% for the date, which was food, movie, snacks, and fare to go to and from (he doesn’t have a car). Then apparently, she told him at some point in the date that this is just a practice date for her, until she goes out with someone on a “real” date. My son was obviously embarrassed by all this. I felt horrible for him that someone did this to him. And it is a weeks worth of earnings that he spent on this date. </p>
<p>Then, I asked my son to please fix his little brother’s bike. He was working on it. But, our little one kept messing with his stuff while he was doing it. She was mostly trying to write on the driveway with sidewalk chalk, but, she was near him and would grab parts every so often. I did not think it was a huge deal. I guess it was. Because when he finished, he did not get a final bolt on and did not realize this because baby sister had it in her hand. He got on the bike to test it, and the front wheel broke free and he crashed in to the pavement face first. It was awful! He was screaming and crying and I rushed him to the ER where he had a big gash in his face, and a broken jaw, finger, and wrist! He cannot go back to the college for at least a week. They are going to do surgery on him (my husband is with him now, we swapped out) but I think I understand they are going to wire his jaw shut. They said he will be on a liquid only diet for a while. </p>
<p>I am just sitting here bawling. He is at the hospital with my husband now. We swapped off so I could come home and be with the other children.</p>
<p>Call the college, ask to be transferred to the dean of students office. Tell the person who answers what happened, briefly, and that you want the dean of students to call you back asap. The dean will tell you what to do next and will notify all your son’s professors as well as dorm. Also will be able to advise you on options for this semester.</p>
<p>So sorry for your son. Be strong, Mom. You have to be the leader here.</p>
<p>Yes, vent your upset here or privately with your DH, and then be strong for your DS.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry. May he heal quickly.</p>
<p>Regarding that date – I’m flabbergasted. How some people can be so oblivious to other people’s feelings, or even so lacking in simple politeness, is beyond me. What a terrible person that girl is! It stings now, but someday he’ll look back and thank his lucky stars that he had only ONE date with her.</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear about your son’s injuries. I wonder if it would be best for him to get this semester cancelled? I can’t imagine that he’ll be ready to go back in a week.</p>
<p>And that awful girl! Who says something like that??? (heck, why would someone say something like that!!!) I am so sorry that he was treated so horribly. There are nice girls out there…this just wasn’t one of them.</p>
<p>What a bummer! If it helps, my son had jaw surgery ( to correct an overbite) and was feeling pretty good within 5 days. The third day was the worst. Obviously he didn’t experience the trauma your son did so its hard to compare. Make sure he eats and keeps his head elevated when he sleeps. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.</p>
<p>lmkh70, my S had almost the exact same injuries after taking a header off his bike. They inserted a plate in his jaw and wired it shut for 2 weeks. Fortunately it was the middle of summer and it was his left wrist. I wouldn’t think you would need to cancel the semester. A lot of instructors put their assignments and stuff online. Around the painkillers, S can try to keep up as best he can. </p>
<p>BTW, S said getting the wire apparatus back OFF was like flossing with steel wire. Advise taking some painkillers prior to the removal.</p>
<p>I sooo feel for you in this. I still have nightmares when S rides his bike…</p>
<p>Sorry for the injury. We are always scared when our kids are injured, no matter their age. The advise here is correct, The Dean of Students is your contact. They will tell you if you/your son needs to do anything further. You should not be contacting your sons professors. What you can do if he needs to communicate and is very tired/in pain is verify what he’d like to say, draft an email from your son to the prof, read it to your son for any changes/edits and let him send. This is a grey line I appreciate some will not agree with. IMO it’s not akin to writing their college essays or pretending to be their student in correspondence. You’re a one time scribe after an accident with your students input, knowledge, and consent. </p>
<p>I’m sorry about the unsuccessful date. Kids very often cross signals at this stage. She was rude in what she said, no doubt about it. It’s not uncommon for one party to view ‘going out’ as a date when the other assumes they’re grabbing a burger or going to the D-Hall. I’ve heard both guys and girls being let down by expectations and effort they went through to make things nice. There’s no way around this if you plan on putting yourself in the available dating pool. I’d encourage your son not to hesitate to ask someone out again. Sometimes testing the waters with a ‘coffee date’ or more casual lunch is a good way to judge the other persons interest before putting such a wonderful effort into an evening that may not be appreciated or viewed the way it’s intended. </p>
<p>I hope your son is pain free and heals quickly on both accounts very quickly. He’ll take his queues from you, so as suggested come here to vent or for support. He’ll need ‘mom’ to be compassionate, yet steady and not overly emotional. I know I find this balance hard.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry. Best wishes for your son’s rapid recovery, and I hope he quickly finds a charming young woman who appreciates his care in setting up a nice date.</p>
<p>So sorry for your son’s pain. That must have been very frightening! I hope he heals quickly. </p>
<p>As for that horrible girl, there is mo excuse for such rude behavior. My kids don’t really do “real dates” until they have gotten to know the other person better. Doing little things like grabbing lunch in campus dining, going to watch an activity in campus, or doing a lot of group activities can really give you a good idea of a person’s interest and integrity. Dating is just too expensive to experiment with. </p>
<p>Your son sounds like a great kid and I’m sure he will meet other very nice girls!</p>
<p>What a *****. If either of my girls did something that cruel, I’d be furious with them. I actually taught them how to graciously turn down dates and exit dates where he wasn’t the “one”. Jeez. </p>
<p>I’m so sorry about the accident. I hate when the hard things happen to the kids and we can’t make it better with a band aid and a hug. </p>
<p>I can’t comprehend being told “this is a practice date” unless it’s a very clumsy way to say I think of you more as a friend, that she doesn’t expect a great romance. </p>
<p>I’m having trouble writing this sentence. I tried saying “if this girl has issues” but she likely does given what she said, even if those issues are mostly social clumsiness. I tried saying versions of this but it comes down to this: you date people and some may like you and you don’t like them and you may like some but they don’t want you … and sometimes you’ll say things you regret, even when you didn’t intend to mean (and you will remember those mistakes). You may occasionally be mean, sometimes because you’re in a bad mood and sometimes because things aren’t going well and you don’t know how to handle it so you lash out. And sometimes that happens to you. Like all people, you will likely be mean when you don’t want to be mean. </p>
<p>So my conclusion is this wasn’t a practice date, but a real date and it was as much practice for him as for her. If it had worked with that kind of spark - who knows, maybe she isn’t ready for that - then it would have become a “real date” and a relationship, etc. </p>
<p>I have a good looking kid who gets asked out a lot … and from her perspective, guys are mean: they don’t follow up, drop out of sight after a few dates (when they realize she’s not easy and that, yeah, she’s really, really smart and you have to on your game, etc.) and otherwise act like disposable feminine hygiene products. It gets to her. It gets to a lot of people because dating can be a real drag - one reason why people cling to relationships. Dating can be rough at times. </p>
<p>And this is one of those times. And it wasn’t a practice date except that all dates are practice dates. Sleepless in Seattle had a nice bit about this when the dad explains that dating is trying on people to see how they fit. Most don’t. All dates are practice dates. Some dates are “romantic” because there’s that kind of connection.</p>
<p>lmkh70, I’m so sorry your son had to go through this. How horrible for him. And for you. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope his jaw and his feelings heal as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and your son. Poor guy, from insult to injury. I agree completely with the advice in #9. Obviously someone needs to call for your S because he literally can’t speak. And some help with emailing his profs, if he wants it, would not be going too far at all when he is in this state.</p>
<p>I agree that more casual dates might help lower expectations of both people and allow them to get to know one another better before splurging on a more special date–getting coffee, dessert, or similar on campus or a short walk. </p>
<p>So sorry about his physical and emotional pain. Glad he has you for support. My D has been very careful not to accept dates which she feels nothing but very casual interest because she doesn’t want to disappoint or raise expectations. Dating can create many mixed signals, especially among teens and young adults.</p>
<p>Just another mom saying I am so sorry. I hope your son’s recovery is as smooth and easy as it can be, yes, call the Dean of Students and, honestly, I hope your son can get to the point where he can realize that it’s that rude girl’s loss. I’m flabbergasted someone would say something so thoughtless. May the next week go by quickly…</p>
May he heal quickly.</p>