Ditto @Pizzagirl
I hate! hate! hate! getting fragrance & bath products as gifts. Plus, liquid gifts are a PITA for someone who is traveling by plane.
The only problem I see w delaying gift buying until u meet GF is that the shopping piranhas may have picked the shelves bare by then.
Fortunately, I am an expert at returns. I may buy several things, and then make the final decisions when she is here. That way I’m not looking when the shelves are bare, and shopping last minute.
That sounds like q good idea! It reminds me of the “gift closet” my mother used to maintain when we were in college and just beyond. We would come home for Christmas or summer and be frantic about getting a gift for someone…Mom would say “Let me show you what I found on sale”. Eddie Bauer turtleneck, beautiful white towels, fancy candles, cute headband, cheese board, whatever. It wasn’t ideal, but it saved a lot of time at the mall in those pre-Amazon days.
OP the gifts you describe for your son and his girlfriend are very thoughtful. I am sure she find her visit to be enjoyable and memorable experience. You are really making an effort to make her feel welcomed and comfortable.
PG, the g/f doesn’t have pierced ears.
I had let the kids know I had bought lots of things and I wasn’t sure they would like the Brookstone gifts. My son that while it was cute, it was something neither would use. In a sense, like Dragonmom’s mother’s gift closet, they could pick and choose from all the items.
I do think it is hard to buy for someone whom one doesn’t know well, especially when you get little feedback. We have had many threads on gift giving. No matter how hard we try to find the perfect item, it often isn’t something the recipient would buy for themselves.
It sounds like this gal may be THE ONE. And she’s travelling so far to meet the family. It’s really heart-warming to read how earnestly OP is trying to make her feel welcome.
@bookworm, I checked with my S re pierced ears before making the purchase. 
In that case, I can understand the polite refusal.
@GMTplus7, They are only in their early 20’s, so If this is “the one,” I hope they take their time coming to that conclusion. But she is traveling a long ways, and I would like her to see some things besides our four walls while she’s here. We want to be good hosts, but not over the top.
Since she is a college student how about a Longchamp nylon tote bag? All the girls have them and they are roomy enough to haul laptops and books around campus. If you want to keep the price point lower than the Longchamp, think about the LL Bean monogrammed totes which are great for a week-end bag. They start around $45. Monogrammed they make a lovely gift and come in every imaginable color. You could even stuff the tote with a bottle of wine, magazines she might like and chocolates/jams.
Another thought is a monogrammed “hotel” robe.
OP here. The shopping has begun. I found some PJ bottoms that are perfect and will be meaningful to her(the pattern and color), plus a couple of camis and tees she can wear with them. I will also likely get her some workout shorts and a tee shirt of some sort. Everyone gets a pound of Sees candy, and I am hoping my son can help me pick a variety she will like. Other things on the “list” include headbands, inexpensive jewelry, maybe a wristlet or some other bag. Plus we will likely do some special things while she’s here that will cost a fair amount, before Christmas (she leaves soon after), so I’m not as concerned about gifts.
She is not a picky eater, just doesn’t eat beef. I found out today she will be here for 17 days. I hope we like her
1214mom you sure sound like a very welcoming hostess. Sounds like everyone is going to have an enjoyable holiday. In that time you will definitely get to know a lot about her.
Just curious as to what your expectations are regarding gifts FROM her. That list sounds nice, but it does sound like quite a few gifts. I wonder if she will feel her own offerings will not measure up,
Here’s why I ask: My daughter is visiting her boyfriend’s family over Christmas and she is planning to bring a gift for her boyfriend and another for his parents, but none for siblings, grandparents or other extended family members.
I think she will be embarassed if his parents present her with a deluge of gifts (even if they are relatively modest).
In fact, she looked a little alarmed when I said his parents will likely get her a gift since she will be there on Christmas morning. Her preference would simply be to hide while the family opened presents on Christmas morning, and anything more than a single modest gift will feel like overkill to her.
She’s not at the stage of the relationship where she considers herself as a member of his family and definitely doesn’t want to be treated as such.
So – with that background for why I’m asking, back to my original question – what do you expect from her in terns of reciprocal gifts to your family? (I understand you won’t judge her if she fails to conform to your expectations, but I’m just wonder what your gut feeling is about the most appropriate thing she could do would be).
I expect nothing from her, other than probably a present for my son. I asked her (via text) for a few ideas and made it clear that parents get only very small gifts from the “kids.” I may send my son some ideas he can feed to her in case she asks (very small things).
ETA - depending on how things go once she’s here, I may adjust what I decide to give her except the PJs, the things I listed are just ideas at this point. But I would rather have too many choices, and do returns in January, than be out shopping last minute.
Thanks! I think that would be great to have some small ideas available for your son to suggest to her if she asks. It is so hard to figure out what’s appropriate in these circumstances.
Giving gifts is likely a more common practice in Singapore, I guess. It is more common in the east asia at least; I would be surprised that Singapore is very different from this norm.
An example: The gift exchanges prior to a marriage could be VERY extensive. In one country, I once read that almost 1/3 of all the (electronic or other) applicance purchases are made right before wedding events.
Married to an Indian immigrant 30 years. Have learned a lot over the decades. So many things I can touch on. I only scanned other posts.
First- is she from India or was she raised here is an important question. Then- which state in India is she/are parents from? This matters because practicing Hindus from different areas follow different dietary rules (H atheist but avoids red meats as a cardiologist). Also typical foods vary in different parts of India- just as they do among Europeans and different US states.
My H’s adult niece is vegetarian although she has done chicken in the past. She stayed with us a few extra days recently when she came with her parents. Found out she doesn’t like to eat Indian foods- her mom is a good cook but does other ethnic foods along with Indian. I like to cook and can do good Indian food. But- didn’t for her since she did NOT want any. Chinese (tofu protein), Mexican, Italian, Greek (falafel), peanut butter sandwiches, hummus, eggs in veggie omelets (some do/don’t eat eggs) worked for restaurant, carryout and home foods while she and parents visited. She likes cheese as well.
The young woman visiting you expects to be introduced to YOUR family’s culture. Serve the foods you normally would with alternatives if you are serving the family’s favorite beef or other meat based dishes. Find out if she eats chicken and fish. I make fajitas with black beans and chicken separate from the veggies- that way vegetarians can avoid the meat. DO NOT avoid meat for the rest of you.
We went to a Jain-Hindu wedding several years ago where the parents (friends of ours) served mainly vegetarian entrees but added a meat lasagna from their caterer for the meat eaters. Indians in the US tend to be low key- they seem very accepting of others’ differing habits.
Remember- she can get plenty of Indian food at home most likely and would enjoy other foods.
Gifts- the amount to spend I thought I read sounded like a lot to me. But that depends on your budget and spending habits. Think of the same sort of gifts you would for any young adult woman from the US. My niece chooses a red shade of lipstick and she is light skinned- like some Italians and Hispanics and others with Aryan roots. South Indians usually have darker skin than north Indians. My H can tell by last names which region Indians are from like we usually can detect European origins from names.
Just be yourself. She and your son like each other well enough to visit you so you already know she is comfortable with him. US born/raised means American. Indian studying in the US- accustomed to college life here plus learned English growing up. Current day city life in India a lot more parallel to US tan decades ago when H came- they have caught up dramatically.
My mother-in-law likes several American/non Indian ethnic style foods- cheese pizza, pasta, French fries, bean dishes, falafel, etc. She spends a lot of time in the US (citizen so she can leave here for longer than 6 months) but still considers potatoes a vegetable. She was used to a much greater variety of vegetables in India. Several days in your household will not cause problems for your guest’s nutrition if she finds your foods do not taste good. I tend to eat meat for lunch at a nearby fast food restaurant when we stay with my sister-in-law since she seems to serve carb heavy foods (eg beans) and I need more protein-less carbs. Your son and his girlfriend will find meals away from your house during her stay as well.
Relax and enjoy.
I think it’s really nice that you are trying to find gifts for her. Just remember that she has to pack and travel back with everything you give her. So and small light probably would be best.
Thanks for all the helpful comments. I already thought I better pay attention to her luggage in making choices as to what to give her. I can’t remember if I said it before, but she eats just about everything except beef. So I’m no longer worried about food. We substitute ground turkey or chicken for beef in things like chili, and try not to eat that much red meat ourselves, so it won’t be hard to live without it for a couple of weeks.
I come from a family where we gave boatloads of gifts at the holidays, but I agree with nottelling that it sounds like a lot of gifts at this stage in the relationship.
@1214mom - I am in a similar situation where my S’s girlfriend will be here for Christmas. Newer relationship, never met her but l am looking forward to meeting the girl my son is so infatuated with. I’ve been thinking about the gift thing as well, as I want her to have gifts to open on Christmas morning like the rest of us. I’m going to discuss it with S when he’s home for Thanksgiving but I’m thinking about suggesting that 1) we cut back on our own gift giving to each other this year in terms of # of gifts (needed anyhow) and 2) that hubby and I will give her a gift but son could give her several smaller gifts instead of one bigger gift. That way she’ll have more to open but they’ll be from her BF not her BF’s parents. I think that will be more comfortable all around rather than feeling we are going overboard giving gifts.
I do like your idea of giving experiences to the two of them together - nice dinner out, movie tickets, etc. - as they’ll want to do things together and they are cash strapped college students. And less to lug back in a suitcase!