For Mother's Day: I Knew My Mother Really Loved Me When....

Parent Cafe
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<p>Mother’s Day is this weekend. I know we’ve vented about our parents on this forum, but now it’s time to think of those things that made us realize that our mothers really loved us. I’ll start.</p>

<p>When I was in 8th grade (cough, cough, 1969-70), my best friend and I were assigned a science project. Since the topic of cyclamates and carcinogenesis was in all the newspapers, we decided to see if cyclamates caused cancer for our project. We bought 2 mice from the local pet store, artificial sweetener from the grocery story, and diabetes syringes and needles from the drug store. Very scientifically, while our teacher watched, we injected these 2 mice with the artificial sweetener (of course having no idea how to do it). </p>

<p>Well, we came back to school the next morning, those suckers were dead. I mean, we thought they’d grow tumors, not drop dead. I was devastated and decided that these mice needed an autopsy to find out why they died. Well, God bless my mother, who never attended college. She called the Ohio State Department of Agriculture and asked them to autopsy these mice. I put them in a shoe box and she drove me to the building where I dropped them off. And she paid $25 (money we didn’t have) to have these mice autopsied. Several weeks letter I received the report in the mail that they had died of air embolism. Air in the syringe had gotten into their circulation. And my mother NEVER laughed. Not then…and not when I graduated from medical school in 1983!</p>

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<p>THAT is a fabulous story!!!</p>

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<p>bump^^^^^^^^^</p>

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<p>Wonderful store, echosensei. You are a born scientist!!</p>

<p>And you have a wonderful mom!</p>

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<p>echosensei (what does your name mean, anyway…? something scientific), I’d make a short story out of this…:)</p>

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<p>Someone shared this with me. It was given to her by her daughter, a recovering drug addict. I think it is beautiful.</p>

<p>“When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking” </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting
on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat and I
learned that it was good to be kind to animals.</p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake
for me and I learned that little things can be the special things in life. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I
knew there is a G-d I could always talk to and I learned to trust in G-d. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make a meal and take it
to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don’t. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking I felt you kiss me good night and I
felt loved and safe. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take care of our house
and everyone in it. And I learned we have to take care of what we are given. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities,
even when you didn’t feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted
to be everything that I could be. </p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I learned most of life’s lessons
that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.</p>

<p>When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked at you and wanted to
say “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”
Author Unknown</p>

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<p>I don’t usually pass on emailed items, but this arrived today and is apropos to this thread (and to the cc mantra of “fit”, too).</p>

<p>This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers </p>

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<p>Echosensei…sensei is Japanese for teacher. I teach echocardiography to cardiology fellows and medicine residency. Nothing fancy. Thank you all for sharing!</p>

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<p>My mother told me to stay out of the house lest I be turned into a mother’s helper by default.</p>

<p>She introduced me to great books. Still does.</p>

<p>She spent hours talking to me when I was a teenager. She’d get in bed to go to sleep and I would wander in for a two hour talkfest. I told her about all the sins of my friends. Really, I was dropping hints about myself and assumed she knew that. Turns out she didn’t. She thought all those other kids were terribly mischieveous. She was devastated when I moved in with husband to be at age 23. But she got over it.</p>

<p>7th grade was a turning point for me. I took an IQ test which reversed hitherto confirmed opinions about moi. I was in a mixed class, ‘smart’ 7th graders and ‘dumb’ 8th graders. The teacher was a card carrying shizophrenic. We cleaned the room every day. Instead of Math or English. And we all got straight As.</p>

<p>One day, Sister Nutter slapped me across the face. When I got home I was grounded for three weeks. Mom went in to talk to Sister Out-Of-Her-Mind. They decided I should go to Art classes. I went through the whole summer and loved it. Art was my home. Finding that home wasn’t so easy, but no matter.</p>

<p>When I was a junior and thinking about paying my way through Podunk U, my mother stopped into my room to tell me I could apply anywhere. No matter the cost. The money was there.</p>

<p>She subsequently renegged on that deal, but I picked out a whole different life for myself–based on that one conversation. She let me out of Pandora’s box–and had many many moments of regretting it! LOL. She’s over that now, though. I think.</p>

<p>I know my mother loves me because she holds her tongue. She doesn’t verbalize her criticisms. To my face.</p>

<p>She is flawed. I am flawed. I look just like her. Worse, I SOUND exactly like her. We love each other and we talk every other day.</p>

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<p>My mom always remembers what I said I’d like to eat, and cooks it. Even if I said the dish two weeks ago, and it took two weeks to find the ingredients. That’s how I know she loves me. </p>

<p>Even when I get slaps across the face or locked out or dragged into the sink to redye my hair or get home to an empty house.</p>

<p>She never forgets good food, or to refill the gas in my car. It’s always at ‘Full’ when I start the day.</p>

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<p>My mom died when I was 28, and for years, I could only remember the horrific effects of the early-onset Alzheimer’s which stole the last five years of her life (2 1/2 of which I was her primary caregiver). I’m so grateful that now I mostly remember her hugs and her laughter…and that I never, ever had reason to doubt her love for me.</p>

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<p>I always knew she really loved me, I just didn’t understand the depth of her love until my first child was born. My mom would just sit and watch me holding him. Once she said “it’s amazing isn’t it, how you feel about him?” </p>

<p>She had Alzheimers and didn’t really know anyone the last year, and she passed away 3 years ago today. I really miss her.</p>

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<p>I knew this thread would make me cry. When I try to pinpoint the time when I knew my mother really loved me, I realize I can’t. My whole life, I always knew my mom really loved me, as she has all four of her kids. But I took it for granted until I had a child of my own and realized just how deep a mother’s love for her child really was. My mom is the true example of a Mama Bear. And to see her with her grandchildren and great-granddaughter, WOW! She is amazing.</p>

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<p>I always knew my mother loved me, and I think what really shows it is how she conducted herself when she became widowed at 43 with kids of 17, 14 (me), and 12. She didn’t spend a second feeling sorry for herself; she did what she needed to do to keep the family functioning and secure.</p>

<p>Something else that stands out was when I wanted to transfer from the cheap LAC which was giving me merit money to UMich. In her mind, it was just one of those big midwestern state U’s, and the only reason I was going was because my bf was there (was definitely the catalyst, but the academics and student environment were hugely different, too.) It was going to cost us much, much more, but she never said I couldn’t do it, even though it put us both in debt. Subsequently, I did bombard her with figures to show her how much better the school was, and she came to understand what a good move it was. But she supported it before she believed that, and for that I thank her.</p>

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<p>…when I saw myself imitating her in raising my kids and grew to understand, as I got older, how much she had accomplished. She’s going to be 93 on May 6, and she’s still going strong. We haven’t always been all that close (she was 40 when she had me), but we’ve gotten closer in the last 20+ years after my kids were born. My only regret is that she lives on the other side of the world (her decision to return to the Philippines after my father died in the 70s), so we see her about once a year when we travel there. But when I realize all that she’s gone through–she was in the Philippines during the Japanese occupation, treated Japanese soldiers (she’s a pediatrician), and emerged not feeling bitter at all about the experience–she felt sorry that the soldiers had to leave their families; she also joined the Peace Corps after my dad died and renewed for twelve years; and she is so smart and has worked so hard–entered college at 14, received MD at 21, and became one of the two top pediatricians in her country, I get all choked up inside with pride. She gave up her practice (16 years) when she got married here in the US to devote herself to her family at least until the grammar school years were over.</p>

<p>What means a lot to me is that my kids think that she is amazing, too, because her legacy will continue through them. Excuse me while I find a tissue . . .</p>

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<p>My mother was seriously, chronically depressed all the years of my childhood. I think that is one reason I chose to become a counselor. She was virtually out of my life for about 15 years as she disappeared from view. But in recent years she is much better. One thing I know for sure: she is a believer, and she prayed for me then and prays for me now. There has always been a connection to her because of that. That kind of love is precious to me beyond telling.</p>

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<p>Mother’s Day is such a difficult time for me.</p>

<p>My own mother, who passed away in Dec. of 2001, disowned and disinherited me about three years prior to her death. She suffered from a very serious personality disorder (or rather, she did fine with it…<em>I</em> suffered), and she expressed her wishes that I be banned from her funeral. I was, and I never got to tell her “goodbye” or have any closure. The last words she ever spoke to me in her lifetime were upon the occasion of her kicking my dh, six kids (the youngest of whom was four months old at the time), and me out of her house. She said, “YOUR CHILDREN WILL GROW TO <strong><em>HATE</em></strong> YOU!!!” Thanks, mom. I am so happy to say that she was wrong.</p>

<p>It brings me pleasure to see the amazing love and affection that some of you have for your moms. I so hope my children feel that way about me when they are adults! </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Berurah, my mother who is still well and alive and kicking whoever is in her way, has said many such things to me. We subsidize her and insist she come and visit all of us once a year which she hates to do, and we keep the visits short. She actually wants me around–had some idea that I would not marry and live with her for the rest of my life, and is absolutely outraged that I have all of these kids, and hates them all as she can’t keep track which ones are her natural grandchildren. She has been the cruellest to them. But we do the right thing by her, and expect the kids to be gracious to this mean old lady. </p>

<p>It’s not that she is just mean to us. She has a reputation where she lives as well. And she made the newspapers last year, beating up a pursesnatcher who was unlucky enough to grab her bag; all 90 lbs of her. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. She would have killed the guy, is someone had not stopped her as she carries a weight in her bag to keep her arms strong, and she beat him repeatedly on the forehead with the weighted bag. </p>

<p>She visits just for a few days and then is shipped off to my brothers,as that is the limit of how long she can behave. Very serious personality disorder here too, not just old age, as she was mean as long as I can remember. I am sad for her, because I do know that she does love me as much as she can love anyone, but like the Grinch, her heart is just a bit too small for the size family I have.</p>

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<p>Wow.</p>

<p>I know how I got to be a half-way decent parent. I din’t fall that far from the apple tree.</p>

<p>But how did all of you figure it out from scratch? Amazing.</p>

<p>Well done.</p>

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<p>I know my mom loves me because she was always my best friend. I could tell her anything and she always stuck up for me - even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m so blest that I can give something back to her for all the wonder years of mothering. My husband and I built a home 12 years ago and included a lovely in-law area for my now 91 year old dad and 87 year old mom who live with us. The only sad part is seeing them start to slow down. I keep praying that I have 10 more good years with them (I wonder if God realizes that I never change the number of years in each prayer, LOL). Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful moms - I know you are wonderful because you wouldn’t be reading this board and trying to find the best college fits for your children and helping out needy strangers like me if your weren’t!! God Bless!</p>