We have one which requires a plane and then a 2 hour drive. Another requires 6 hours of driving. Third is 3 driving hours away. The flight plus driving is so frustrating but only because of the need to drive so far to and from the airport. Would not have a problem if there was an airport within 30 minutes of campus. The 6 hour drive is torture for us. We would prefer flying than that long of a drive if a flight was an option (which it is not) . Three driving hours away gives DS independence but is not too hard to get to for parents weekend or other events.
The only stipulation we have made for child #4 is that she choose a college accessible by plane, train or reasonable automobile. No more remote AND inaccessible.
I don’t ‘regret’ daughter’s choice of school, but I do wish I lived closer so I could attend her games and her project presentations. Some of the parents who live on the east coast attend almost every game, but they must have more money (and time) than I do.
Both s’s were a plane ride away (one was driveable, but an all-day drive). Distance was not a factor in their decision, or our concern.
I’m glad to hear that most do not regret the distance. D17 is going to school in SoCal - we are on the East Coast. I don’t think we would have considered even looking out west except for two reasons. 1), her school is 10 minutes from the airport with direct flights home. We are only 25 minutes from the airport. 2) Dh’s brother is just over an hour away from her campus. She can visit him for the smaller breaks like Thanksgiving/Easter if she doesn’t want to come home or if there are weather related issues and she has trouble getting home. It’s also a bit of relief in that if anything should happen to her and someone needs to get to her in an emergency, he can get there in reasonable time. The rest of that side of the family is in San Francisco, so though also a flight away, another option if she wants to see family but doesn’t have time to fly across the country. I doubt she will end up staying in the summer for internships as she will have many internship opportunities in her major that are very close to where we live.
A friend’s daughter went to school somewhere not easily accessible by public transportation and required a connecting flight onto a puddle jumper, then no transport from the airport to her college, which was in the middle of the heartland. There were a few times she had some major issues getting to/from school so that definitely was in the back of my mind when D17 began her college search. Thankfully, all of her choices were in/near cities with airports nearby but they were also drivable (as near as 45 mins or as far as 8 hrs).
I must admit that I’m a little sad she will be so far away, but I went to school four hours away and only went home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Not because I couldn’t go home, I didn’t really want to - I was having too much fun at school!
No regrets. My D is in Massachusetts and our home is in Ohio. Direct and relatively inexpensive flights there b/c of Jet Blue.
This is sort of a one sided question - I would assume very few, if any, would have regrets cause it all works out. Unless they have both situations, people who have a kid far away don’t know the benefit of having them close, it is just the way it is. I don’t think the reason a college doesn’t work out is ever just the trip home. You can also look at the benefits of having them within a drive - weekend visits, attending football games, seeing them more often and easily, getting to know their college friends, if they get sick being able to get there if needed, or getting their stuff in and out of school easily… There is no right or wrong, but there are different aspects of having them within driving distance versus flying distance.
If you are a worried flyer then the stress of your kid flying is a pain, if you aren’t, it is no big deal. The one fly story of a friend that I didn’t envy was her student at Clemson back and forth to California. Took at least a couple stops and if one was delayed it was a mess. At a minimum it was 12 hour span to get home if everything went right. Seems there was always something to deal with.
“Took at least a couple stops and if one was delayed it was a mess.”
I think that one flight is a lot better than two. Even one long flight is a lot better than two short flights. Fortunately we will be in the “one short flight (~1 hour)” category.
I think that we would have preferred something within a two hour drive if there was something appropriate. What we gained by going a bit further away was quite compelling. Of course, different people will be “compelled” by different factors.
@blueskies2day - I have 3 children. One went cross country, 2 were a 4 hour drive away. You really think those of us with kids far away can’t figure out advantages of them being closer? It was actually easier for the one far away to come home with a couple of suitcases than us driving to school to get the others home. Summer storage companies bring pods to campus, the kids load them up, they are hauled away for storage, and brought back for move-in. My first 2 went to schools without football teams, so no need to go to games. They did come home for Thanksgiving, while far away child did not. We really did not see the closer students much more. Definitely no regrets.
I live in Wisconsin. D1 went to college in southern California (4-hour flight, usually to an airport at least 1.5 hours’ away). D2 went to college in western Minnesota (4.5-hour drive). Each location had pluses and minuses. D2 definitely seemed closer but I assumed, rightly so far, that neither would have stayed in or returned to Wisconsin for a job no matter where she attended college. After the first year, D1 came home at Christmas break and for the summer, not for other school breaks. D2 came home for Thanksgiving and spring break all years, but that was mostly because her college has trimesters.
If your kid has some serious problems (academic, physical, mental health, etc.) being a plane flight (rather than a long car drive) away can be a problem. But that can be ameliorated a bit if you happen to have friends and family on the ground somewhat near the college. Some stuff really needs to be dealt with in person.
One of mine had a rough ride the first couple years and it definitely was a big help to be just a short drive away.
My daughter’s school is 11-12 hours away by car. By plane, it’s an hour from home to the airport (plus all the extra time you need to allow for traffic, getting through security, being at the gate at least 30 minutes before flight time, etc. - we always leave at least 3 hours before flight time), an hour and 40 minute flight, and another hour from the airport to school. Mercifully there are non-stop flights and the prices are fairly reasonable if you book in advance and you’re not trying to travel on peak days, like the Wednesday before and the Sunday after Thanksgiving.
With the exception of freshman year, when she flew home twice and drove home once, she hasn’t been home much. I visit her at school more than she comes home. She’s spent 3 summers working/studying near her campus rather than coming home. If she’s coming for more than a few days, she drives. We’ve been lucky in that she’s never been sick, had an accident or anything like that where we needed to get to her quickly. She’s been happy on her campus. We have no regrets about the distance. In fact, we preferred that she be further away because she’s the type of kid who might have driven home far too often if it was only a couple hours.
Distance has been made much easier by the fact that (1) she has a car, and can afford to use it to get back and forth and (2) we can afford the plane fare back and forth, and could do so even if we had to buy last minute tickets in an emergency. She also has a generous scholarship to her school, making it less expensive than schools that are closer, and freeing up money for travel expenses.
One of our kids went to college 2 hours away. The other went 3000 miles away.
TBH…it was as big a hassle getting the kid closer home as the kid who had to fly. It was a full day event…regardless.
For the 3000 mile away kid, she only got stranded one time in four years…slept on a cot in the airport just like everyone else whomwas stranded with her (the airport actually closed for departures and landings). Twice, she had connection issues, and risked missing her connection because her first flight was delayed. She learned to figure this all out and deal with rebooking, etc. it’s a life skill.
The kid who lived only 2 hours or so away…it was a huge hassle driving back and forth on one day…in a part of the country with wretched traffic that is even worse during holiday travel time. We finally told him to take the train or bus…but even that wasn’t a walk in the park. He had tomget from his college TO the train or bus…and that just added to his trip. And we had to pick him up…the nearest transportation stop near us…30 minutes away.
Anyway…my point is…it alomost doesn’t matter if your kid is taking a plane or you are driving to pick up. The holiday trips are…not usually easy peasy.
Oh…and we have NO regrets about our kid going to college a plane ride away!
We have one 850 miles away and another 4600 miles away on a different continent. My only regret is I did not take the time to go see the child on the different continent more that I did. I moved her in freshman year, went back that thanksgiving and will go back again to see her graduate.
But she has had a blast travelling all over Europe on her spring break weeks (yes, they get two weeks off).
One of my kids went to college in Boston, 2000 miles away. It was a bit of a pain and cost extra money for airline tickets. But we liked the fact that it was direct flight (usually), with fairly easy logistics / public transportation at the other end.
You do have to be comfortable that your kid, like mine, may decide to settle there. We knew that was a possibility going into it. Do I wish he lived closer? Absolutely. But the decisions were about his future more than mine.
We live in Southern California. D1 went to a school in the Boston area. D2 is currently at a school that’s less than an hour away by car.
What I hated most was picking up D1 at the airport coming in for Thanksgiving or (when finals went long and ended near Christmas) winter break. Traffic is beyond horrible. We finally decided one year that she would take a shuttle to get near us, and then we’d pick her up from there–we were paying $$$ for her airline tickets, she could suffer a little. Switching from that to the bliss of having D2 so near home has been wonderful.
Then there were also a couple of occasions where D1 was ill…and there was nothing we could do about it. Campus health in all cases ended up being all that was needed, and we never needed to call on friends in the area for additional help.
Big advantage: if D1 wanted to call us at 1 AM her time, it was only 10 PM here! TOTAL win. Folks based on the east coast sending their kids to west coast schools are really at a disadvantage with this. D2 isn’t a night owl, so her late-night calls come in at 11 PM.
(and yes, we flew D1 home for Thanksgiving–she wanted to be here, all four of the grandparents lived near us, we had the means, so we rationalized it as a way to make the grandparents happy. One grandparent was in ill health during Thanksgiving of D1’s senior year, and died shortly after–bringing D1 home for that Thanksgiving was some of the best money we’ve ever spent.)
But it isn’t always the cost of Thanksgiving at home but the time. My daughter went to her boyfriend’s (Fl to NJ) one year but hated the airport traffic and just how busy the whole weekend was. This year she and a friend went to Universal Studios and then shopping at the outlet mall, which basically ate up Thurs and Friday, but she had the weekend to study.
Eldest son was over 3000 miles away, but direct flights made it easy-peasy. Hardest part? Son chose to work during the summers in the city where he went to school, so one year, I only saw him once in 11 months-so sad that year. He made up for it by moving 5 1/2 hours away, so now we see his wife and him monthly. 
Flights were reasonably priced, and we paid so little for him to go there, it was totally worth it.
No regrets at all.
Now you all have me thinking that if D goes far away she may end up living there permanantly after college:(( It’s especially hard when you only have one child. Lots to think about. We still have time, and I guess it will be up to her.When she’s been away at sleepaway camp I have actually enjoyed the break. Now the thought of her going away is making me sad. I always imagined that she would be in driving distance, and now I realize that might not be the case. Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to share your stories.
Our S and D went to school 2500 miles from our home. S is now 5000 miles from our home and D is still 2500 miles from our home. One can’t really predict. They will likely go where the jobs beckon or perhaps where their partner is from or where the partner gets a job. There are way too many variables, IMHO. I also don’t think one can easily predict where one will finally end up. My sibs went away to grad/pro school 2500-5000 miles away and two even bought homes far away. All 7 of us ended up moving back to HI. 