I’m mostly curious and wonder how others feel. I will admit that I am not religious but grew up Catholic and have family members who are still.
My D had a sort of first date this week. She commented that when they ate, he asked if they could say grace. He is Catholic if that means anything. They were at a restaurant.
It made me start to wonder what others do? In my family, there is always a prayer before a holiday meal. As a kid, we would pray before we ate when at home but never when at a restaurant.
Last night we went to dinner with our old neighbor’s and he said a prayer before dinner. He did not ask if anyone minded. I have one friend who is a devout Catholic and she always ask if she can say a prayer before lunch. If she is not there, no one else will ask. So no prayer.
We say grace whenever and wherever we eat. If our family is together in a restaurant we will pray together. If I’m eating with a friend or colleague I will pray silently but people can probably tell since I bow my head as a signal to whomever I’m eating with that I’m not in a position to speak with him/her at that moment.
When eating with people from my church and they ask me to say grace (outside of the church) I sometimes ask if they would normally pray if the pastor (me) was not present. Their house, their customs.
We are Catholic and say grace (just the basic “Bless us Oh Lord…” prayer) before dinner at home every night. No grace before lunch, breakfast, or when eating in a restaurant. At my parents’ house, same prayer, but my dad often free-styles a little something at the end. At my in-laws’ house, same prayer but always followed up with a Hail Mary (led by my FIL and said at lightning speed).
Funny you should bring this up. I just wondered aloud a couple of nights ago at the dinner table about how many people say grace.
We say grace before every meal, sometimes silently, sometimes aloud, in public or private.
If we’re in public, we try to be unobtrusive–we’re thanking God, not showing off. I never ask. If the person i am dining with is an atheist, or of another faith, I just bow my head quietly and give a quick, silent thanks.
At home, we sometimes sing the grace. My daughter lived with a devout family in France last year, and they always sang their table grace.
We have always been grateful for the great lessons of various religious faiths. We don’t call it grace but usually have a moment of thankfulness for our many blessings, at the major meals together. We wanted the kids to have that moment where they step outside themselves and recognize. For us, the personalized thanks surpasses the traditional phrases.
We are devoutly Catholics and pray before every meal the Blessing of Meals prayer, at home or in public as a way to be thankful for our daily bread, and begin and end each grace with a Sign of the Cross in remembrance. Waitstaff will usually give us a minute and some will even join in the Amen, lol.
My sil’s family insist that we all hold hands during grace (that’s too formal I feel for every meal) but we comply, I don’t mind. Our guests will either bow their heads too or don’t and I’m ok with that. I figure they either think, those crazy Catholics or respect our devotion.
It’s wierd to me, I wouldn’t dare question someone’s faith but I always wonder with a certain person that it’s a way of showing off.
Everyone here assumes that everyone is of the Christian faith. Where I lived previously, it was much more mixed and there was a different vibe. No one ever prayed when with a group at a gathering or restaurant. Here I find that a prayer happens frequently.
I grew up Catholic and it was similar to what @LuckyCharms913 describes - grace at dinner at home, not at other meals, not at restaurants. Grew up in New England in an area with many other Catholic families and they handled grace in the same fashion. Where I grew up and live now, religion and faith was and still is a private, personal thing.
Spent some time living in the South/Southwest and in various parts of the Northeast. Down south, I noticed religion/faith is a much more public thing and saw prayer constantly in public at restaurants and public events. It came as a culture shock to me vs living in the Northeast and something I, rightly or wrongly, associate more with Baptists than Catholics.
What different geographic areas are you talking about, @deb22?
Honestly, @deb922 I regularly dine with a large-ish group where one will announce everyone should join hands and participate in their Christian prayer. I find that somewhat uncomfortable for the non-religious, moderately religious or those of other faiths without the custom. I have commented (I’m a leader in the before dinner meeting,so I can) that those who wish to abstain should be given that chance. (In public, I am one of those. Our family thanks-giving is not specific to one religion.) I feel that’s sensitive to the needs/preferences of others.
But a date may be different. Is it showy? Maybe not. Many people are serious about things like grace. And dates can be where you experience another on a more personal level.
A way of showing off what?? Our piety? I’m confused by those comments. If I am being thankful for my daily bread what difference would it make where I’m dining? I mean I’m not standing up at the mic and self-flogging. I don’t insist that anyone join me nor would I be offended if they don’t just sayin’
Interesting topic to ponder. We say a short grace at home before dinner (not at other meals) and perhaps a longer more elaborate grace on holidays or special occasions, but I don’t do so in restaurants or when I’m a guest, unless the hosts initiate it. Grace is a special case because it’s sort of a collective ritual before “companionship” or breaking bread with someone, but Jesus said that prayer ideally should be private and quiet (Matthew 6.7). No one needs to ask permission to pray over food or anything else, but on the other hand, nobody else needs to know you’re doing it.
@lookingforward I did not know what to say to D about the date. I was a bit stupefied TBH. D wasn’t sure how to take it either, being it was a first date lol!
@SalveMater, that’s the kind of discussion I was looking for. How does praying work for you? I always feel so uncomfortable and would never say anything to someone who asks if it’s ok to pray before a meal. I don’t mind but even if I did, I would not feel comfortable saying anything. I feel the asking is lip service and not really asking.
But where I’ve lived before, my D’s best friend was an observant Jew. She (and myself) had other friends who were Jewish, Hindu or Muslim. And Christian. No one ever prayed in public when together.
But now where I am people pray and it’s not interdominational. It’s very Christian centric.
I now live in northern Michigan. Before I lived in a bigger city in Ohio.
@deb922 If I’m dining with a friend, I simply bow my head silently pray and it’s over in five seconds. I do not, however, pray out loud unless I am at home or with family.
I grew up Catholic and we said grace before the meal. A rote prayer. Now married I’m christian not Catholic, and we didn’t raise the kids to pray before dinner. At any larger family dinner hubby stands up and says a prayer and thanks everyone for being there.
I find it’s more common in the south to see people praying in restaurants before meals. I’d sure rather see people praying than a whole lot of other things I see.
I don’t know why the kid didn’t just say a silent prayer over his meal on the date, I have people I have eaten dinner with who do pray over their meals (some Christian, some Wiccan, some Buddhist who say something) and they do it silently. I have had meals at the homes of people who were religious, and if they said Grace I joined in, out of respect for their faith but in a public meal or at someone else’s house I would tend to think it would be better to say a silent prayer.
In my neck of the woods or NYC you don’t see a lot of people praying over their meals, can’t think of the last time I saw that (and the burb I live in is heavily Catholic, my county is about 70% Catholic last I checked), so not sure it is necessarily a Catholic thing. I have seen it when I have been down south, was at a restaurant in Atlanta on a work trip and there was a family at the next table giving thanks, and man were they loud, even my friends, who live there, looked at me like “WTH?”. Like I said, I don’t know why in a restaurant it would be important to pray out loud, especially the way that family did it.
@eyemamo:
Just out of curiousity, when you said you grew up Catholic but now are Christian and not Catholic, what did you mean? Far as I know, Catholics are Christians, albeit with their own beliefs, but most of what they believe is Christian as far as I know (other than things like the Pope, transubstatiation and other uniquely Catholic teachings). Purely out of curiousity, not as any kind of attack or whatnot.
@musicprnt Catholics are Christian but not Protestant Christians. Protestants being those denominations that broke away from the Church’s Magesterium during the Protestant reformation of the 1500s.
I believe when people say “Catholics aren’t Christian” they mean, not Protestant Christian since we are indeed followers of Christ Jesus. In fact, the early Church or Apostolic Fathers, Tertullian, Clement of Rome (a disciple of John the Gospel writer), Augustine were all catholic (small “c” meaning universal church and catholic doctrines, i.e., The Holy Trinity, transubstantiation, etc., were all written about as early as 70AD, while John the Apostle was still alive. So Catholic Christians preceded Protestant Christians by about 1500 years.
