Hey everyone,
This post is a bit outside of the ordinary since I’m not an undergrad. Rather, I’m a neurodivergent (ASD level 1, ADHD-I, dysgraphia, 3rd percentile processing speed) and severely mentally ill (MDD - Moderate - Recurrent, Generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder. I also got PTSD from my PhD program, but the other disorders I’ve had since my teens) PhD student who has always been outside the standard deviation on predicted academic metrics a ton. What I mean is that I had a ton of predictors in K-12 for college success, but those never came to fruition at all.
During undergraduate, I got thrashed academically at the “stoner school” of northern Ohio (they gave me near full tuition) despite a 29 ACT (I got a 24 on it without any prep. Notably, my math score was always low at the 22-24 range, even after I got help. It was to the point my flagship university said I would’ve had to do remedial math with them when I bombed a placement test. This is one academic anomaly among many I’ve had over the years), 26 dual enrolled credits with a 3.75 GPA, and a 3.71 high school GPA. I was also accepted to Case Western, but I never went because my family couldn’t afford it. I personally think the reason is because I fell on the “wrong side of the achievement gap” with the high school I attended because they had no foreign language, AP, IB, or honors courses since they were a high school meant to accommodate those with diagnosed disabilities. I was in the Honors College at my undergraduate of choice and dropped out before they were set to kick me out anyway since I had a 2.9 GPA after my first two years. I also read that those with 29 ACTs across majors usually hover around a little over a 3.0 GPA their first year (like 3.1) on the lowest quartile. However, I had a 2.6 GPA after my first year. They even said they wanted me to talk to them about my situation before making any decision but I was so anxious that I went and dropped before meeting with anyone anyway. Notably, I didn’t take a high school accommodation with me to college that would’ve let me had peer notes and/or notes from the lecturer themselves for my dysgraphia, which I regret in hindsight. Other than that, I had 1.5x extended time, typing instead of writing on exams, and quiet room. I reviewed their latest Honors College data and 90% of students stay above a 3.0 GPA. I was one of 10% who didn’t at all.
My parents hired a life coach to help me my first year of undergrad (who I didn’t do a good job listening to my first year). Second year comes around and I listen to him more and actually do better thanks to the help of someone extra we hired to be “boots on the ground” and monitor my study habits (we only had that extra help for one semester though). My parents kept him for all four years of my undergrad. I should note that I did all of my work independently and its not like the coach ever went out of their way to do my homework for me or something like that.
Fast forward to graduating and I had a lukewarm senior year (junior year was good albeit I had to withdraw a math course I was set to fail) because I took extremely difficult courses within my major (Psychology) and had a 3.25 overall GPA and a 3.52 major GPA (this includes transfer courses in the GPA calculation). Since I went for a BS instead of a BA as well, I got Cs in foreign language courses and math (other than Calc II when I retook it and got a B. My undergrad didn’t do plusses or minuses). I wanted to do a Ph.D, but I got rejected from everyone my first application cycle because I had no clue what I was doing at all.
Fast forward to my gap year and two coaches were hired to help me with my GRE and the graduate school application process. They helped me with emails, how to prep for interviews, and more related to the communication and professional pieces of the graduate school application process. I get admitted into 6/8 Master’s program and my committee for the program I chose almost didn’t let me graduate at all. I also ended up with a bad graduate GPA (3.48) due to a C+ that I got in a core course (this would be failing in grad school or meant I am up for remediation normally but my program counted it) and a B and B+ in two seminar classes because I got C-s on presentations (in what should be “easy A” classes). Fortunately, I did graduate with a thesis. I even re-consulted the coach and they helped me with Ph.D applications too.
My first Ph.D advisor drops me my second year in the program because I lacked collateral skills to be a successful Ph.D in her eyes. Fortunately, I pass my qualifiers under her (for those who don’t know, if someone doesn’t pass qualifiers twice in a Ph.D program, its the end of the road). All research projects I worked on with her also got dropped completely (look up why publications are gold in the academic world for context). It’s worth noting I didn’t continue projects with my Master’s advisor since he would reply to my emails irregularly and/or ghost me in the process. Fortunately, my current advisor took me and he wants me to graduate by May 2025, but I’m going to be dropping my PhD program since that data is relative (see my latest post on the PhD subreddit if you want more info). Data collection is done so all I had to do is write up the Results and Discussion sections, but it’s severely out of reach.
Furthermore, everyone who’s worked with me told me that I’m good at doing things, but I need to be explicitly told what to do. This all checks out with my neurodivergence evaluations as my abstract reasoning and verbal fluency scores were consistently low. I also studied a lot with my cohort during graduate school back when I was still doing classes and they kept me on constant track.
Here’s a statement that was the biggest reality check from a professor who left a comment online, “To be blunt, you do not seem to have the qualities that I would associate with getting a PhD and working independently. Your grades, lack of direction and the need to use your parents and life coaches all suggest that you are not likely to do well in any career that requires a self-starter who can work independently.”