<p>AnonTXmom - While I (as a parent) feel the band director was way out of line, I do agree w/ posters who suggest arranging another time to visit MIT! I have several young friends attending MIT & they are not too nerdy, have passions of their own & are generally just great kids! MIT clearly saw the same quality in your son! BUT he may learn more about what MIT is really like, by an overnite visit on his own! I’m completely sure he will still love it, welcome wagon or no! I’d try and to smooth over feathers w/ the probably panicked, possibly over reacting band director by showing son how to be the bigger/possibly better man and go to him, talk calmly and tell him you are trying your best to arrange another visit. (Taking charge/control - a very MIT thing to do!) Teacher may very well relent and be a bit more accommodating (sp?) If you go, ask to see the last several yearbooks, play some intermurals or band music w/ students & talk to that wonderful chem prof who wears a tux for finals! Good luck!</p>
<p>Yep,Adad.I did the same thing. While I was hunting and pecking my first post the op was adding the two quotes above. Had I seen those to start with and if they mean what I believe they mean…, aah,I’d probably still be in the same place. Mad at the director but mostly sad for the kid being put on the spot. Now as the notice of the event grows longer and the “need to go” or importance or inconvenience grows shorter…that makes it a horserace again, doesn’t it?</p>
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<p>Okay. The email’s tone is still not perfect, but the band director is even more out of bound than I thought since the contest was added after the student had made plans to attend CPW, with costs attached. I can understand the director being upset, but not taking it out on the student in the way he apparently has done. Perhaps he was overreacting because he had not yet had a chance to digest the consequences of the contest’s timing for his band. I really hope he cools down over the weekend.</p>
<p>But, more than ever, I would urge the student to go as planned. Changing plans entails all sorts of maneuvers and most likely will cost him the non-refundable portion of the airfare. And it’s not even clear that relations with the director can be mended.</p>
<p>I’ve re-read this thread and y’all really need to make these "CC"AT I Critical Reading sections easier if you expect anyone to pass. No more gray areas. Something simple liike the Schiavo case or the acceptability of “dream schools”.</p>
<p>" I can understand the director being upset, but not taking it out on the student in the way he apparently has done. "</p>
<p>You are far more charitable than I am. I can’t understand why the band director would have expected that students would have been available to go to a contest that came up at the last minute. The band director’s thinking was simply stupid.</p>
<p>I have advised student organizations and no way would I have expected that students could have participated in something that came up at the last minute. I might have crossed my fingers and hoped for a miracle, but I certainly would not have become vindictive if students had other plans.</p>
<p>I also am massively curious about why a contest came up at the last minute. In my experience, contests don’t come up at the last minute. Ill prepared advisors who don’t bother to keep track of events claim that things come up at the last minute when in actuality, the advisors had plenty of notice. I suspect that the band leader is trying to shift the blame onto the OP’s son instead of taking responsibility himself for dropping the ball.</p>
<p>On the issue of failing the student:
It won’t matter a jot to MIT. Non-academic subjects are not factored into GPA in the first place, and in the second, MIT admits students without diplomas.</p>
<p>I have to admit that my thoughts would have been different if I had understood from the start that the competition was a last-minute addition to the band schedule. Since that is the case, OP et al should not feel guilty about sticking with their previous plan to attend the preview weekend.</p>
<p>I think this whole scenario could be stripped down to it’s essentials. Leave out the band director, the band grade, amount of notice, and the change of dates. Make it a simple choice btwn. a band competition and CPW. </p>
<p>If he wants to go to the competition, his bandmates are counting on him, and the band as a whole would be significantly worse off without him, I think he should choose the band competition. CPW, while a nice event, is not the only, or even the best way for a prospective student to make up their mind. The OP can visit at another time. No harm done if he skips CPW.</p>
<p>If he basically does not want to go to the band competition, or is hot to go to CPW because it will be a fun event (as opposed to an important decision-making event), then he needs to decide if it is worth paying the price being exacted.</p>
<p>Matt McGann (MIT admissions person) addresses almost this exact question in his blog from 2 days ago at: <a href=“http://blogs.mit.edu/madmatt[/url]”>http://blogs.mit.edu/madmatt</a></p>
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<p>I’ve read this thread with interest, because of our frustrating experience with HS jazz band this year; my freshman son’s first year. Jazz band conflicts head-on with school plays all season, yet students are allowed to do both without consequence. 2-3 members with key jazz band parts missed more jazz practices than they attended. </p>
<p>Our lead trumpet player got the message - at the last rehearsal before a contest, he announced he was going to a volleyball game instead of the contest. My son was told to switch parts (including taking over a solo). He was literally sight-reading some of it at the contest. The following week, they had an informal school performance; the other kid got his part back as if nothing had happened.</p>
<p>Band competitions should not come up as last minute. When I was in HS band the dates for marching competitions were chosen by the start of school, and the concert dates for the fall were set at the end of summer, and the spring dates were finalized before winter break (still, they sometimes had to be changed). Still, I did have conflicts with even music only activities. For example, Jr year when I was in the pit orchestra for the school musical, one of the nights was the same night as our jazz band dinner (the people watching eat… not the band, lol). I was also drum major my senior year of high school for the marching band, and during auditions the previous spring I made it known flat out that I would be missing 1 hr of rehearsal every week to take a class after school. (I couldn’t take it during school becaue there were 7 periods, and you have to take 7 ib classes for the diploma, so I took band during the day and the last ib class after school.)</p>
<p>I think it is wrong for the band director to suddenly announce new concerts, but that ultimately the decision must be made by the child, on which he feels he should be at. Even though the concert is late, he still owes it to the band to perform. You can’t just change parts in a performing ensemble and expect it to sound the same, and with key parts missing the entire vision of the music could be ruined. If people in the band just decided they would rather do something else then the director will have no band left with which to perform.</p>
<p>This issue has caused people to quit at my school as well. Sometimes they stick it out for the year and then don’t do it again next year, but sometimes they just quit in the middle of the year.</p>
<p>Ultimately though, even if the concert was on the books for a long time, it would still have conflicted with this college event, so the same decision would have to be made (minus the money involved, which really isn’t that much compared to the price of college), and the consequences of those choices. To me, it seems the consequences of missing the competition are worse than missing preview weekend.</p>
<p>/from a student who was very involved in band</p>
<p>I am entirely on your side, AnonTxMom, as far as choosing to go to CPW over the last minute band contest. Of course your son must experience this before he decides, whether it is his first choice school or not, (and I don’t get what the poster meant, who implied that your son could not possibly be choosing between MIT and any other school).</p>
<p>We often have imperious coaches and directors announcing last-minute changes to a schedule, and while I realize that it can happen, they have no right to demand cancellation of other plans, no matter what they may be.</p>
<p>That said, I would never allow my child to send an e-mail to his teacher that said
. No matter what, the teacher is still the adult-in-charge, and nothing works like sweet talk and excruciating politeness, all the more so in the written word, which tends to sound more abrupt, and more subject to mis-interpretation.</p>
<p>I didn’t have time to read the whole thread, but I would like to add that our band director is very strict too, but he hands out a schedule of every practice and event before the football season starts. If something needs to be rescheduled (because of bad weather or other reason), he relaxes his strictness as he understands that people schedule other things for days when they are free of band. It is unfair to expect students to be there for last minute events.</p>
<p>I owe the OP an apology. I assumed that the student had known all along that there was a contest on that date and said nothing while everyone rehearsed and then sprung this on the band director. While I still think the language of the email is inappropriate, the young man’s behavior is a lot different than what I thought it was.</p>
<p>All of you have caused us to re-think a few things. Of course, we’ve mainly been “feeling” rather than thinking, since it is our child who is hurting. Several very helpful things have come to us through the thoughtful conversation of the people on this board. 1) Be extremely careful when putting things (especially negative ones) in writing; we thought that sending the email was a good idea, but perhaps it was not. 2) Remember that perceptions may differ–two people reading the same thing may come away with totally different ideas of what was meant. 3) We should be working with our son on being hyper-vigilant about calendaring. I don’t think that would have helped in this case, but it could help prevent future disasters in the college/adult world–sort of a “defensive-driving” approach. In retrospect, we feel that we may have been off base, although we still feel that the response was out of line. Thanks again.</p>
<p>AnonTXmom, there is a teacher in the performing arts at S’s school that is impossible when it comes to missing HIS class, HIS trips, HIS shows while he imposes on everyone’s schedule. He makes it so the kids really hate to ask about missing anything of his, so everyone else has to take the burden. This type seems to exist everywhere, even in private schools, and it is just unfortunate when a student end’s up in his clutches. My son got on his wrong side this year when he scratched the all state voice auditions because there I knew that the rehearsal and performances would be a problem with S’s audition schedule and though it is a great honor, he has gotten the designation each year, and I did not think it was so important to do it again this year. The guy went through the roof, and when I came to the school one day, he laid into me. He always does a nice senior showcase at the end of the year, and S said he is sure that he will get little or no role in it as the guy cannot even look at him, as I did report him to the head of the school for his rudeness which he denied. This does seem to go on everywhere, and those who don’t run into this are so fortunate.</p>
<p>To the OP-- just to get back to your original Q (I have no insights on band or the outsize ego of the director…)</p>
<p>I have a kid at MIT. He loves it… but no way would I encourage or even allow, if I could afford the trip, another kid to attend without attending CPW. The MIT experience is qualitatively different from that of other colleges that your kid is likely to be considering… and it’s a decision that should be made with both eyes open and all the data in hand.</p>
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<p>Blossom, I agree with you completely that prospectives should visit if they possibly can. But why do you say CPW specifically, rather than visiting at another time when the activities on campus are more “normal”?</p>
<p>Anontxmom, as another Tx mom, I understand the position you are in. However, I’m assuming that the marching contest he missed was UIL and that the spring concert he is missing is UIL. To non-Texans, that is the contest that gives the band their “official” rating for the year. (UIL stands for University Interscholastic League and UIL governs extra-currriculars in TX.) Every band director loves to get a first division as it is a reflection of the band program itself. Our head director is concerned about getting those Sweepstakes trophies for the hallway. (Sweepstakes being straight ones in marching, concert and sightreading from all judges.) I’m not trying to defend </p>
<p>Our directors also work hard to make sure the students pass so they can play. Missing players mean big holes - whether it’s on the field or in the sound coming from the stage.</p>
<p>I understand your son’s desire to go to the MIT weekend, but I also understand that he made a commitment to the members of his band. Many band kids sign contracts at the beginning of the year that spell out what is required of them. The others in the band have worked hard this entire year, and now they’re at an important time of the year. My son made a decision to drop to the third band at his school to pursue Computer Science III and be on the Comp Sci team. However, the scheduling conflict was resolved at semester. He qualified for the trip and the banquet, but he also played at UIL with his band.</p>
<p>I think it’s pretty standard around here that if you don’t play UIL (most who don’t are grade casualties), you don’t go on the trip. I have no doubt that a student’s grade would be at risk as well, although in our district, the band grade doesn’t figure into GPA. I would suggest another MIT weekend, not because of the director, but because of the others in band he has made a commitment to. He spoke of the “moral” commitment that he made in missing the fall contest because of a wedding commitment. What about the commitment he made to his friends and classmates in band?</p>
<p>Boy, nothing is easy for kids who are smart and talented - as your son obviously is. This experience will provide a valuable learning lesson for him, whatever he decides to do. Scheduling conflicts inevitably arise, and there’s a price to pay for not doing/attending activities that are part of something you committed to.</p>
<p>well said, alongfortheride.</p>