<p>Don’t be rediculous.</p>
<p>"Are parents who teach their kids to drive better parents than those who pay for someone else to do it? "</p>
<p>This isn’t the same thing as hiring or not hiring a decorator or flaunting your wealth. Most states will not give licenses to teens who didn’t take driver’s ed from a certified instructor, AND parent supervised driving for X number of hours. Usually you can’t get your license without taking classes until you’re over 18. So parents HAVE to pay for these lessons, which is why the school-based classes are always full because they’re the cheapest option (they still cost something).</p>
<p>There’s also the problem of a parent not having a background in teaching driving, so they might be prone to yelling at their kid if they make a driving mistake, where a paid instructor would calmly step on the companion brake, for example. It could be a matter of causing an accident or even life or death. A rich kid would survive just fine in an undecorated dorm or without her designer backpack.</p>
<p>Again, there is no reason why everyone should live the same way. I can survive without a lot of things I have, but I don’t want to and I don’t see why it would be of anyone’s business. It goes the same for my kids. They have what they have, they also don’t have what they don’t have, not sure why they would care what others think.</p>
<p>The comparison was about driving, which IS about survival. For pretty much anything else, it’s a matter of taste and money.</p>
<p>You can’t buy taste with money, but you can’t have taste without money either.</p>
<p>I guess I don’t consider professional decorations among “the finer things in life”. More like among the most conventional things in life. But yes, expensive.</p>
<p>Of course, you can have taste without money. I know people with great taste and flair who live and decorate beautifully on almost no budget - certainly their scale is smaller, but there is no doubt they have taste. Anyone with enough money can walk into Saks and purchase a Chanel handbag, but it doesn’t mean they have good taste. I know people with money who invariably manage to buy just the wrong thing. Most people don’t have bad taste or good taste - they fall somewhere in the middle - either they are not interested in such matters, don’t have time for them, or they truly are not wired to tell the difference between what is tasteful…or not. With money, such people can buy someone else’s good taste. </p>
<p>Style is a component of taste, and it is difficult to have truly good taste without a sense of style, and it may be that this is somewhat hard wired in certain individuals. </p>
<p>I do think that appropriateness is a critical component of good taste. For example, is not appropriate, and therefore in bad taste, to wear a slinky, spangly cocktail dress to a funeral, it is not appropriate to purchase a Bentley for your daughter when her friends all drive used cars, it is not appropriate to build a contemporary house in an historical neighborhood full of Victorians. It is also inappropriate…and in bad taste, to hire a decorator for your daughter’s dorm room when you can reasonably assume that many of her hall mates will not be able to do even remotely the same.</p>
<p>“Of course, you can have taste without money”</p>
<p>Sure-just look at the many TV shows on how to do tasteful decorating on a budget. Of course, there are those who would think that if it’s done in a budget manner, there’s no taste involved. And I do think there are some people hard-wired for taste. My younger D has always been able to put together outfits and styles as if she’d taken fashion classes. She can do it with pieced from Goodwill and she can do it with new clothes. I, on the other hand, even when I had money to burn, never got the hang of it. I CAN, however, design a killer cake, lol.</p>
<p>Live and let live.</p>
<p>If this is how you want to spend your money then so be it. It wouldn’t be how I want to spend mine, but that’s just me.</p>
<p>I guess if money is no objects, some parents probably spend a fortune on all sorts of college related things. However, I don’t think most guys would want a decorator doing up their college dorm room regardless of how affluent his parents might be…LOL.</p>
<p>This brings back my freshman memories. In August before my freshman year, my roommate who I had not met, sent me a letter and a check for $100. In 1969 that seemed like a LOT of money. She lived in the boonies and I lived in a city. She wanted me to go shopping for matching bedspreads, towels, and rugs for our room. I called her long distance to inquire about colors, but also to say that it didn’t matter to me if everything matched. She told me to pick out whatever I wanted! So off I went. At the end of the school year, I transferred and we decided to sell the matching comforters. When we got the money, the roomie gave me half of it. I told her that really… She had purchased it all and the money was hers. But she insisted that my shopping trip earned me half of the money. </p>
<p>I just recently (43 years later) pitched my two Martex towels (irregulars fromKmart).</p>
<p>My daughter would have taken the money for the decorator and she would have decorated herself. She has a good sense of personal taste and is very creative. She spends good money on what SHE thinks is important (her bedding and towels were important to her). Then she uses he imagination and creativity to do the rest. </p>
<p>She seriously does not give two hoots what others do themselves or what they think of what she does.</p>
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Any one who has been brought up properly would know what is appropriate. I am sure people who have never used a decorator, private college counselor, accountant…would think it is a waste of money. I can’t afford a private plane, but there are people out there who think it is a perfectly reasonable form of transportation. Who are we to say what’s appropriate and what is not? My good friend lives in a 4000 square foot apartment in NYC with her husband (no kids), they are building a boat to travel around the world in few years, but they spend no money on clothing. When we go out, I want to tell her to put on something better, but she is happy with how she is spending her money. H and I have an apartment less than 2000 sq ft. Should my friend never invite us over or show us her new boat because we could never afford it? Should I never wear my diamond bracelet or carry my bags in front of her because she would never want to spend her money on those things (probably couldn’t afford them between the apartment and the boat)? I am happy for her, and she laughs at me, so no problem there. I tell my girls the same thing. They have traveled around the world (sitting in the front most of the time), but they have friends with private plane and multiple homes, and have friends who never even had a passport. They need to be comfortable with who they are and not to worry about what other people are doing.</p>
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<p>That’s not necessarily true of all guys…but it’s certainly true in my case. :)</p>
<p>If I had the money for a decorator, I’d probably spend a portion of it for an electric guitar(strat, tele, or explorer) and amp to use for dorm decor/making fun noise, maybe a poster or painting*, and bank the rest. </p>
<ul>
<li>Sailing ships, Chinese historical scenes, pirate’s flag, fighter aircraft from all over the world, parodies of Soviet/Maoist art, etc.</li>
</ul>
<p>Oldfort, I’ve failed woefully in making my point with you! I generally believe that it is fine for people to spend whatever whenever - I could care less what people do with their money. However, I do have a few exceptions. Anyone going into a communal situation, especially (going to college, on a retreat…cohabitating with strangers come to mind) should tone it down and try to assimilate. A few years back, I spent a month on an archeological dig in the UK - camped out at night and waist deep in a hole for most of the day. I did not share with the others on the dig that my plans for the weekend included checking into the Dorchester, along with fine dining and shopping. It would have set me apart from the others, and they would have been less comfortable with me from that point forward. There would have been no point in doing this. It is important to know when to wear the jewels, and when to leave them at home. To this point, a professional decorator has no business decorating a dorm room - it’s not in the spirit of things, at the very least - and from my perspective, it’s not about the money spent - it’s about the message sent.</p>
<p>I also don’t agree with the idea that being “brought up properly” is all that it takes. It’s the American way to believe that anyone can choose to be what they want to be - even if you’re not “brought up” in a certain way.</p>
<p>Is this what SAH moms do in their free time? Hire decoraters to make rooms look pretty?</p>
<p>No, SAH moms do it themselves. It is the working moms who have no time and earn the money to spend on anything they want, not always what they need.</p>
<p>Re #97 The story clearly says the mother of the girl at Auburn whose room is featured is a SAHM. While I don’t have a problem with her hiring a decorator, I do have a problem with your nasty stereotype…which in this case is wrong. Aren’t we a bit old for the “mommy wars,” i.e., SAHM vs. moms employed outside the home?</p>
<p>There are so many ways kids in college can tell who has $. Heck, in many cases all you have to do is give your address. When my D went to college, one look at the clothes her roommate was bringing in and we knew she came from dough. So what? Some kids bring flat screen TVs. Some kids have Bose headphones. Some kids have Movado or other expensive watches. Back in the day, one of the kids in my class had a Rolls Royce with chauffeur come to pick him up for Thanksgiving. Again, so what? </p>
<p>My point is that the fact one kid had a decorator do her room isn’t the only way the other kids will know she comes from $.</p>
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<p>While one does not necessarily have to go for total assimilation, there is something to be said to ensuring the flaunting of one’s family’s wealth…even inadvertent is kept to a minimum and sometimes ideally avoided. </p>
<p>It isn’t just to avoid inadvertently making others uncomfortable in setting yourself apart on the basis of that wealth, it frankly isn’t very smart depending on the campus culture/surrounding area. For starters, it makes one an easy mark for those looking to rob or target your form for burglaries. </p>
<p>Heard about far too many examples from the Columbia/NYU areas…especially back in the crime-ridden NYC of the '80s and early '90s and in areas around BU, NEU, and Harvard while I was living in Boston in the early-mid '00s. </p>
<p>In certain campus cultures like the one at my private LAC, doing so tends to get one regarded as obnoxiously oblivious at best to the then campus’ predominantly neo-hippie progressive culture which emphatically rejects such displays of wealth. </p>
<p>On other campuses such as some Greek heavy Big 10 schools or NE private’s…this may not matter as much/at all. Even so, I’ve heard that even at such schools…there’s much respect given to well-off students who severely tone down/conceal their family’s socio-economic status successfully. </p>
<p>One cousin-in-law who’s a Princeton alum recounted how several of her friends who dressed so informally* to the point of blending in well with FA students like herself was shocked when she found upon graduation that one was the son of some bigtime shipping magnate in East Asia and others the kids of overseas billionaire entrepreneurs/CEOs who show up regularly in international business/finance newsmedia. </p>
<ul>
<li>Including dressing in some hole-ridden clothes from actual wear & tear…not pre-ripped ones from labels like the GAP.</li>
</ul>
<p>I agree with jonri. There are many ways kids could tell who have money. Using a decorator is probably not that useful of an indicator. </p>
<p>My kids probably don’t make a decision whether to be friends with someone because he/she has money or not. They tend to avoid kids who are not brought up properly, and that has nothing to do with money.</p>