<p>Umm, Pennylane2011, it sort of seems like you jumped to a conclusion about Brian1. He (assume poster is a “he” but who knows?) has asserted some stereotypes that are questionable (a taste for dorm-room decorating is “a regional/cultural thing”; stay-at-home mothers in the South value decorating; etc.), but “dislike” stay-at-home mothers? I don’t get that.</p>
<p>(Seeing oldfort’s post I’m wondering now whether Brian1 has been on about SAHMs on other threads? Oh, well. Interested to see if, as with so many threads, this one turns into a cultural war. It seems very few topics raised on CC lack that potential.)</p>
<p>Agreed. My post-college roommate in Boston was one such fellow. </p>
<p>However, most males tend to fall more into my pattern of not caring too much either way like yours truly or in more extreme cases…feel being an absolute slob is a good demonstration of machismo/superior intellectual prowess.* </p>
<p>The latter does seem to be one area of commonality among both fraternity members at some frathouse I’ve visited and hardcore academic Nerds in their dorms/houses/academic offices for TAs & Profs. :D</p>
<p>There were moments during my undergrad that I’ve felt inadequate in comparison to the latter group because my dorm/apartment could never begin to approach their levels of absolute slobdom. That is…before I regain my faculties and realize living in such an environment is well-beyond even my own higher tolerance levels for some clutter.** :p</p>
<ul>
<li>That is…until they develop serious interest in women and realize they must clean up their act/develop better taste in decor if they hope to even have a prayer of a chance with them in a dating/romantic context.</li>
</ul>
<p>** Floor cluttered on far side of dormroom with college library books, newsmedia printouts, and computer parts…as opposed to living in hoarder’s paradise with uncleaned plates with remnants of meals from 3-4 days before.</p>
<p>There was an earlier post on this thread about SAHMs and someone commented that is is out of place, but it was brought up again. Yes it is a touchy subject for me as I have been on both sides of the fence. Being either a SAHM or a working mom has challenges. Kids get sick, sitters quit, and sharing housework/child care with a spouse is not that simple, especially if one has to leave work to tend to a child and both have major responsibilities at work. Families have to work out the best solution at the time with the resources they have. Knowing both sides of the situation, I don’t judge anyone on either side and dislike the stereotypes and the assumptions people make. I don’t want to participate in a culture war, but neither do I like to see stereotypes perpetuated. I don’t think this is relevant to the discussion on decorating dorm rooms.</p>
<p>As to the dorm decorator, I did say it seemed over the top. I am not envious. It’s not something I or my kids would choose to do, but they are free to do it.</p>
<p>My parents worked full time as professionals and did all of the work around the house on top of working. I spent a lot of time in daycare but imo it’s better having a second income and I personally would much prefer a spouse that works. I’d be willing to do the housework if the spouse also works. An extra income is worth more to me.</p>
<p>But my main point was that certain regions value decorating homes more than others and have different value systems. So if this is their value system, it doesn’t seem that ridiculous or a sign of a wealth to spend a couple thousand on decorating a dorm room.</p>
<p>Agree. I’ve also been a SAHM and a working mom (though it’s been more than a little while since I was a stay-at-home mother in Georgia). I just try not to take the bait when people say silly things based on stereotypes. Had I stayed at home for a million years, I’d never have hired a decorator to do a dorm room or any other room! But that’s just me.</p>
<p>Thank you Brian, you had parents who role modeled this possibility for you well and it seems to have worked out for you. It is good that you are willing to share the responsibilities with your future spouse. Families work out the best situation they can for their circumstances. This may be the best way for you to do it, but not for some others. Hopefully we can all be respectful regardless.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Growing up in an extended family spanning both coasts…though mostly suburban in which the male/female ratio in my generation is more lopsided in favor of the former greater than 3:1.</p></li>
<li><p>Visiting dozens of classmates’ rooms from elementary school to college. This includes university dorms in both the PRC and the ROC. On average, males are allowed by their parents and society to get away with much more slobbiness than their female siblings/counterparts. Saw this parental socialization difference not only in my own extended family, but also in nearly every mainstream US family I’ve visited or in whose house I’ve slept over in. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Only exception to this rule are parents who hold unusually progressively egalitarian views on gender norms like neo-hippie parents of HS/college classmates or the one elementary male classmate whose father was a Vietnam Vet/former Marine drill sergeant who expected his elementary son’s room to be as meticulously organized like what Federal Service Academies expect of their cadets. Then again, the latter’s room was also just as spartan as those I’ve seen in photos of a cousin’s room at a FSA during his short stay there. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>It was the males with neatnik tendencies and/or those who prefer fashionable decor and dress who tend to be marked out immediately for bullying by older boys and sometimes even fathers, teachers, and neighbors for being the “freaks”…whether in my neighborhood or in US pop culture. Some of this exhibits homophobic tendencies on the part of the bullies. </p></li>
<li><p>Upon seeing the room of my neatnik/meticulously organized color coordinated post-college roommate, several male friends…including some in the Millennial generation thought I was living with a female roommate. One emphatically refused to believe that the room in question belonged to a male until said roommate came into the apartment, greeted us, and walked into his room. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>I’m wondering if one reason you made the above statement is that you only have daughters and you grew up with only/solely sisters in your home. </p>
<p>Granted, what I’ve described above tends to be an phase that mostly goes away once they’re past the early 20s and start to become involved in serious romantic relationships. It certainly was the case with even the most slobbiest of my male cousins and several frat/Nerd friends who used to think nothing of leaving plates with remnants of meals from 3-4 days previously in their rooms…even if it reeked for everyone else.</p>
<p>Anecdotally of course, it seems to me that girls are more into the appearance of dorm rooms than guys are. I base this solely on walking through dorms back in my day and looking into open doors when in S’ dorm. And D’s room at home :)</p>
<p>Sorry, but my son is very into how his room looks. His bedroom in his new house (shared with a friend) is extremely nicely furnished. He took time in doing it and sought out great deals on furniture and bed linens. It is quite nice.</p>
<p>Ugh, decorators kill creativity. As a teenager, I’ve always made my own decisions in my room decorating, and I’m going to have a lot of fun decorating my OWN room when I move out.</p>
<p>cobrat, I grew up with 2 brothers, and most of my friends are male due to the line of work I have been in - finance and technology. I have found just as many men who care about their living environment as women. Most men maybe more “streamlined” when it comes to decorating, but I wouldn’t necessary say they are slobs.</p>
<p>It appears you grew up in China, which is ver different than the US, not better or worse, but just different. You continue to come on the parents forum to share your personal experience, but I am not sure how relevant it is to the general discussion here. I am struggling with what’s your added value here. You are well over college age, not married, do not have children, what experience are you sharing?</p>
<p>Hannabanna - I agree with you, even though I lack any decorative genes in me. My husband is much better at it and he acts like a consultant to a lot of my friends.</p>
<p>I’m a new college freshmen, and I agree about how nice it is to have a room you have completely decorated yourself. When people visit other students’ rooms, they say it is nice because its homey or very personalized, not because it looks like a magazine spread. People’s homes don’t always look like magazines, why would you want your dorm to look like that and not live your own place?</p>
<p>You’re completely wrong about that. Born and raised in NYC and spent almost all my life in the US with the exception of the overseas trips to the ROC and the PRC. </p>
<p>Am surprised you thought I was born and raised in China considering the multiple references I’ve made here on cc about growing up as a child of '80s/early-mid '90s era NYC.</p>
It sounded like you grew up in China then went to high school in NYC, which is not unreasonable to assume, especially with your constant reference to your aunts, uncles, cousins, the whole extended family constantly giving their opinion about everything in your life. It is hard for me to believe that anyone who grew up in the US would care that much about what their relatives are saying. If I made the wrong assumption, my apology.</p>