<p>D will be college freshman this fall. Although she has had dates for homecoming, prom, etc., she has not had a boyfriend until this year. The BF of a few months, a nice kid, will be going to the same university as D. D is also a great kid, fairly religious, and very level-headed. We have a good relationship and talk pretty comfortably and openly about most things/issues.</p>
<p>About two months ago, I was talking to D about sex in general and pregnancy prevention specifically (not the first time we have discussed these topics), and she said not to worry, that she still plans to wait to have sex until she is married. And I am quite sure she was serious. I swallowed hard and said nothing. That is our church’s teaching. And I did not have sex until I was in a committed relationship with my now-husband/D’s father (and things have worked out quite well for us). However, I don’t know that that is necessarily realistic today. (I certainly don’t want my daughter to marry young because she wants to have sex, or to feel obligated to marry someone because she has had sex with him – which I have told D.) For reference sake, my own parents never had any conversations about sex with me.</p>
<p>D has an appointment for a physical before she heads off to college. This will be her first full physical, complete with pap smear, etc. I do not want her to think I am encouraging her to have sex, but I do want to make sure she has access to contraception if and when she wants it. Should I bring the topic up with her again and encourage her to talk to the doctor about it; leave it up to her to discuss or not with the local doctor – or (as a friend of mine has advised) assume she will arrange for contraception at college if and when she decides she needs it? Advice from parents who have been in this situation is appreciated.</p>
<p>it is really not hard for someone going to college to get contraception. it’s college, people have sex. The health centre probably gives out the pill, and there are easily accessible usable condoms everywhere.</p>
<p>a simple reminder that if she ever decides to become sexually active that she should use contraception should certainly suffice. it would be unbearably awkward for you to give her a pack of birth control pills or condoms when heading off.</p>
<p>I think that someone who is mature enough to go to college and who can talk thoughtfully with her mom about contraception and sex is mature enough to make a decision to get contraception if she should need it in college. On most college campuses except at very conservative colleges, it’s very easy to obtain contraception.</p>
<p>Don’t be surprised (if she doesn’t get on the pill before she goes to college) if she doesn’t consider starting it sometime in her freshman year. I was flabbergasted to find out how many college girls start taking the pill to help them regulate their cycles, minimize cramping and help their complexion. Of course, many of them find it’s convenient when they do start having sex, that they’ve already been to the health center/doctor and are prepared for pregnancy prevention.</p>
Why?
There are many benefits to hormonal contraception besides just pregnancy prevention.
If you have a good prescription insurance plan (I use the mail order for my girls) then give her ‘permission’ and/or talk about the benefits before her appointment. Encourage her to discuss with her health care professional.</p>
<p>The ease of obtaining contraception at a college campus varies widely. At large public schools, many will have a health center with a nurse practitioner who does gyn. Smaller privates may not have a comprehensive health clinic and they may have to go off campus to get their prescription filled. Women will NOT find contraception available at any Catholic College (although they can get a pregnancy test).</p>
<p>Of course, if she choose to go on contraception let her know that you know that if she chooses to have sex she must insist that a condom be used every time regardless of her partner.</p>
<p>Your daughter is smart. She has a boyfriend (which will mean that she is not completely clueless about boys, and has probably thought about sex). You and she have discussed sex and contraception. She has a view about it.</p>
<p>Isn’t that enough?</p>
<p>Sure, I’m betting that she has sex before she marries, too. But nothing in your post gives me any reason to think – or shows that you think – she isn’t capable of making smart decisions about sex. Trust her.</p>
<p>I am fortunate to have very good communication with my daughter. She is now a rising sophomore. </p>
<p>Heading into college, she had dodged the whole boyfriend scene. She started dating her first boyfriend early in December (only second guy she had ever even kissed). Over Christmas break, we began taking about sex. Fortunately, her boyfriend was not pressuring her at the time (and still not even today) but preparing how to handle situations is always good. She asked me what I would think if she ever went on the pill. I told her that I would support her, but she should let me know. Before returning to school, I did purchase a 2 pack of condoms (sealed package) and put them in her purse. I told her that I never wanted to hear down the road that she was pregnant due to an unplanned situation with no protection available (the package is still sealed). She did see her first OB/Gyn two months ago and we did get a prescription for the pill. Went for the seasonal (periods 4 times a year) and hope that there are other benefits. We went ahead and had her start taking them, since the pill protects best after a full month and when taken on a regular schedule - a good habit to begin before it is needed. We are still talking and she has still not had sex. BF knows she is on the pill (even helps to remind her to take it) yet still is not pressuring her. I think the key is communication and do not judge. Good luck!</p>
<p>BTW recently I got my sister-in-laws advice. She got her twin daughters the pill prescription annually for them to fill if they needed. It is her understanding that they did not use it (or at least not in the early years - I did not ask for clarification). They are both now happily married 25 year olds.</p>
<p>There needs to be a certain level of planning unless birth control pills have changed since I took them in the stone ages. Don’t you have to be on them for a month before they offer peak protection? </p>
<p>I do know that birth control pills still carry with them a certain amount of risk and the risk increases the longer one is on them, so I don’t think it is a good idea to go on them for reasons other than birth control.</p>
<p>To be fair, most of the risk associated with birth control is due to lifestyle issues. Namely smoking. If you don’t smoke you remove by far the largest risk issue, blood clots.
Birth control is indeed used for many valid medical reasons besides contraception.
My youngest had had gyn issues since she was 16. Having one’s period for 20 days in a row is a health issue. To perform a laparoscopy on a teenager to confirm endometriosis is risky (scar tissue). To treat without the surgery has given a young woman her health.</p>
<p>As far as the risk increasing the longer one is on birth control - I believe this is a myth unsupported by medical research. Gyns now advise that a woman without any contraindications can remain on birth control indefinitely.</p>
<p>whatever4 - IMO, having a conversation prior to the visit and offering factual information as well as developing questions will enable her to make her own decisions about her body and her health. Good for you.
There are so many myths out there, women sometimes have a difficult time trusting their health care professional.</p>
<p>^^ It depends on the pill and it depends on its cycle start day. Some “protect you” much more quickly (I can’t remember if it is immediately or 1 week) and some require longer. D was told a month before she is covered.</p>
<p>As for the danger, that is the reason for going to the doctor. There are at times benefits as well. Last year my OB/Gyn wanted to put me on the pill due to pre-menopause issues. I have none of the risk factors so she thought it was a good idea. I did not - the issue resolved itself. Anyhow this is why I did not want my daughter getting the pill the a clinic. I know it is still the same pill but want someone who is looking out for all of her medical needs making this decision not just a doctor who does not know her.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why moms need to be so involved in the contraception for college student daughters.</p>
<p>Assuming that the parent-child have a good relationship, and have discussed sex and birth control for years, I think that most college students would have the maturity to obtain the contraception they need without having their mothers help.</p>
<p>I went to college with the same mindset that the OP’s daughter has. I also had a close relationship with my mom, who had for many years talked to me about sexual issues. As a result, when I decided to have sex, on my own, I obtained and used a reliable means of birth control.</p>
<p>I would have felt silly and immature to have involved my mom in that process.</p>
<p>D and I have always had open and frank discussions in regards to her health. I’ve “been there and done that” and she knows that I have her best interests at heart. It’s an important non judgemental discussion about health and is in no way silly or immature.</p>
<p>I’d be very surprised if the doctor doing the PAP smear doesn’t talk about sex with her, but if it makes you feel better I don’t think there’s any harm in asking the doctor to bring it up. My mother (with the blessing of the local doctor) gave me birth control pills before I went off to college. I thought it was silly, but it did mean in theory I could have started on them before going to see a doctor at college. As it happens I waited quite a while and after a DES scare, decided I’d rather not take pills. I got a diaphram (which in conjunction with condoms works very well). I thought it was handy to have it waiting, though it was quite a while before I actually used the thing!</p>
<p>"It’s an important non judgemental discussion about health and is in no way silly or immature. "</p>
<p>I was not at all suggesting that your discussions with your daugher were silly or immature.</p>
<p>What I think is a bit silly and immature is a normal college student having to go with their mother to obtain birth control. I don’t think that was what you were planning to do with your daughter, so my remark was not aimed at you. I suppose it might be necessary if a college student is very immature, however, which doesn’t seem the case with your daughter.</p>
<p>When I was in college, all of my friends and I obtained birth control on our own. It’s probably easier to do now than it was back then when there still was somewhat of a general societal stigma attached to unmarried women’s obtaining birth control.</p>
<p>To the OP–I agree with the other posters. Your daughter sounds like a smart, level-headed young woman. I don’t think it matters whether or not her doctor talks with her about contraception, although I can’t believe there’s a doctor out there who would examine a teenager and not bring it up (along with drinking, drugs, seat belts, bike helmets). I believe it’s a topic you’ll want to address one more time before she leaves–just that you support her decisions, and that she does not need to get your permission or confide in you. </p>
<p>I’m surprised by how many are talking about the pill. I’m a huge supporter for lots of reasons, but, unless she has other health issues, it seems a little like swatting a mosquito with a baseball bat. (Plus it gives no protection against STDs, and young women are not as dependable about taking it regularly.) The kids I know use condoms. (Back in our day all of my friends and I used diaphragms. Are they not around any more?) Seems to make more sense unless you’re regularly having sex.</p>
<p>I don’t consider my daughter immature for valuing her mother’s opinion.</p>
<p>
That would be more comparable to a to a mother taking their daughter out to buy the same product. One does not have to be evaluated medically for a condom.</p>
The advice my daughter was given by the doctor is to set the alarm on her phone. She said this is the same advice she gave her daughter. She stated how this works so well since cell phones are so prevalent. The only trick to this is that my daughter has to carry them in her purse instead of keeping them somewhere are home. She never knows where she will be at a given day/time so they have to travel with her.</p>
<p>The research is still a little iffy in this regard, and based on that, I wouldn’t feel comfortable recommending my daughter go on the pill for reasons other than birth control. </p>
<p>According to Mayo Clinic - </p>
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</p>
<p>More info here about risks - and more confusion </p>