<p>^
smoda61 - my girls do the same thing! Set the alarm on their phone. I never would have thought of that! </p>
<p>While I think it’s highly inappropriate for a mother to take her daughter, or (horrors) go to the apppointment with her – I see nothing inappropriate at all with a mom discussing anything relating to health care with her children.
I talk about this with my girls, Lord knows they get so much misinformation from their friends. Too many young women (and older women) suffer with horrid periods and other gyn problems because they are too embarrassed to ask or (worse) they think they just have to live with it.
I applaud any young woman who considers her birth control of choice before she engages in sex. This includes considering the birth control pill. This shows maturity and ownership of ones body.</p>
wow. that’s harsh. What if she had endometriosis at a young age that potentially could leave her infertile? It would be okay to ‘risk’ cancer to prevent pregnancy but not to preserve fertility?
Like I said - the medical research just doesn’t bear out dangers.</p>
<p>It’s great that you have such a relationship with your daughters that you can discuss these things. Many parents and kids are very uncomfortable discussing the subject to the point that too much goes unsaid, and too many untruths are left, because someone doesn’t want to discuss things beyond a certain point. That’s normal, and I don’t think pushing this line is necessarily useful.</p>
<p>I would talk to the doctor privately before the check up and ask if he will bring up contraception. Many doctors do during their examination to any fertile person. I know that even married with children (maybe because of so many kids, ha ha), doctor always included the subject with me. </p>
<p>My one son who has a health history that is as thick as a stack of encyclopedias, has had a lot of talks about young adult behaviors, contrabands and other issues with his doctors. He is high risk for a number of problems due to his history, and,yes, we talk about it, but so do the doctors. I would think that birth control, sexual activity, sds, are all things that a gyn would bring up to a young person who has a chance of entering any of these worlds. If your doctor does not give “the talk”, consider getting a gyn check up for her at a woman’s clinic where this is standard repertoire. We have one not far from us and they deal with these things as a matter of course.</p>
<p>I don’t see anything wrong with parents taking a college aged or any aged daughter or son to the doctors. It doesn’t mean they are in the room during the check up or discussion. I often take my kids even the oldest ones to the doctor. Even my husband.</p>
It was her wish. If I were forcing this upon her then I agree but my agreeing to come was supporting her. D was quite nervous. New doctor, never to an ob/gyn, and concerned about the “right and wrong” of the pill and its implication. She was relieved to have the support. (plus the office is REALLY hard to find)</p>
<p>Well, the only thing I would be concerned about is that the OP said D was fairly religious. Although pre-marital sex may conflict with her religious beliefs and she and her BF may be very well-intentioned about abstaining, in the heat of the moment, those things may change - especially with the opportunity to do so in a dorm room. So I would set the stage for a little more conversation about it, or ask MD beforehand what will be covered during exam.
PS Full disclosure: D has been on the Pill for difficult periods for many years. She is sexually active. She and I have frank discussions about her sexual health as well as discussions about her asthma.</p>
<p>One of the reasons I am thinking about this (besides the fact that D is heading off to same college as BF) is I recently read a magazine article about positive side effects of different types of birth control; of course, the article pretty much ignored potential harmful side effects of these methods. It’s been a long time since I was a consumer of contraceptive products, so I was not very familiar with some of the products mentioned (shots, implants, seasonal pills); and some things I was more familiar with (diaphrams, for example) were not mentioned at all. Particularly interesting was the note that some contraceptive devices that are very popular in other parts of the world (IUDs with low-doses of hormones, for example) are used much less frequently in the United States at least partially because insurance doesn’t always cover the $650 upfront cost. I had no idea if our family insurance covered this (or an implant, or shot), so I could safely guess that my daughter does not, either.</p>
<p>Another reason I am concerned is that I have seen research data in the past that indicates that the kids most likely not to use birth control are the kids who are not planning to have sex (but end up having sex anyway). This is the category into which my daughter currently falls.</p>
<p>I am sure the local doctor will ask her about birth control needs/issues, but at this point I am guessing D will tell him that she is not sexually active and does not need birth control. And that’s probably fine. (She will be seeing a family practice doctor since there are no ob/gyns in our part of the world.)</p>
<p>I just want to make sure D knows that if and when D chooses to have sex, she can use the family health insurance plan to get whatever contraceptive products/services she needs (or go to Planned Parenthood or pay for them herself, if she chooses), and her father and I will trust and support her decisions. So maybe that’s what I need to say to her. I just don’t want to be interpreted as encouraging her to have sex or saying I think she is going to have sex.</p>
<p>That sounds very reasonable. I think it’s great that kids talk to parents about these things. It is dangerous when kids feel they should be able to handle something because of their age but aren’t really sure how to handle it. I’ll bet there are lots of moms out there, who may now be grandmas, wishing they had played a bigger role in birth control decisions of their kids. I also see nothing wrong with buying a kid a pack of condoms.</p>
<p>justamomof4 - you are right. I should have said for things other than medical reasons. I know kids who went on birth control at a young age just because they didn’t want to have periods - no other issues at all. I know girls who go on them because they get a breakout now and then - not full fledged acne - or because they have what they describe as mild discomfort during menstruation. I would not support these decisions unless the research becomes more definitive.</p>
<p>I’m way past this point now, as my own D is married. I also admit that since my D knows I think sex belongs in marriage, she would have been unlikely to turn to me for contraceptive advice before she was. That said…</p>
<p>Once when she was in college, my D commented on the girls whose parents had put them on contraceptives before they left home, even though they didn’t have a boyfriend. My D thought it was just plain weird. At least a couple of the young women themselves really resented it. My D said one said her parents seem to regard her as if she was a dog or a cat and they had to have her (temporarily) spayed because she would be unable to control her own sexual behavior in college. It really made her distance herself from her parents, particularly her mom. </p>
<p>I know some young women do get pregnant. I think it’s important for young women to know about birth control. But the whole “we’ll put her on birth control so we won’t worry” routine seems to me to be yet another manifestation of the parent who won’t let go and let their kids grow up. </p>
<p>I DID tell my D that if she should decide to have sex, she should use contraception (which is contrary to the teachings of our Church.) I also told her that I would NEVER ever punish her for having sex if I found out because I found contraceptives in her room, luggage, backpack, etc. I know that’s probably not a point that most of you need to make, but in our case, it may have been. I think the OP should feel free to tell her D that should she decide to use contraceptions FOR ANY REASON, the family health insurance will pay for it and should her parents find out about such a bill, they won’t ask her about it. I would also make sure she knows about the morning after pill–but I would frame that in terms of “in the event you are raped.” </p>
<p>But going further than that when a young woman tells you that she believes sex belongs in marriage? No. Trust her.</p>
<p>“I also see nothing wrong with buying a kid a pack of condoms.”</p>
<p>I don’t have a son…but if I did, I would MAKE SURE that my H not only have a serious talk with him, but take him out to buy condoms. And yes IBFOOTBALLER, down to the gas station if necessary.</p>
<p>I think it is inappropriate to do this. It’s time to start treating a college age daughter with the respect in which they deserve. If your relationship is solid, then you can have a discussion with your daughter. It doesn’t have to be in depth or prying, but rather something non judgemental, brief.
When my D had her physical with her MD prior to college, I did ask her does she think a pap smear was in order at this juncture and she told me that the new guidlelines is when they become sexually active. I thought this would be the place where the discussion would take place.
Also, mostly all college health services provide family planning counselling for free and contraception precriptions for a cost.</p>
<p>BTW, condom use is more important than using contraception alone.</p>
<p>I don’t see why its inappropriate for the mother to accompany her daughter to the gynos (although it would be to come in!). It’s nice having a parent support you, and sometimes its easier to go to the doctors at home rather than at school. Also, I know that at least my university, the health center would not take insurance other than the school’s for prescriptions. BCPs at university health centers are no longer cheap, as congress passed a law making it illegal to sell it for below medicare costs. </p>
<p>I would not put her on bc, but I would let her know that you support her in whatever she chooses, as long as she protects herself, and that if she does decide to go on the pill that she can use your health insurance to cover it.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have an open relationship with your daughter, so I echo the sentiments of the other posters in terms of simply talking to her about sexual issues.</p>
<p>What I don’t quite understand is how she (and you, presumably – although it is an inference) can be opposed to premarital sex on moral grounds yet still have a really open conversation about it. I find the “heat of the moment” statement idiotic and presumptuous, but that is only tangentially related. In my mind, having this conversation is something like having a conversation about how to cover up murder (assuming you are morally opposed) in case you commit it “in the heat of the moment” because someone made you made or something. How often do these conversations occur? So what I’m having trouble mentally resolving is how her views are compatible with any conversation about sexual issues whatsoever. Perhaps you could clarify (or clarify where I’m not understanding you). It seems like a more appropriate conversation you could have with her is how she can avoid situations where sex can be tempting, thus providing a solution for her that is consistent with her moral beliefs.</p>
<p>Contraception is readily available at most colleges; she won’t have an issue finding it.</p>
<p>Finally, on a personal level, my family is morally opposed to premarital sex and contraception and therefore we didn’t really have the kinds of talks you are thinking about having with your daughter. I went through comprehensive sex education, but that and urbandictionary is the extent of communicating about sex.</p>
<p>I think all of this is dependent on the parent/daughter relationship and how each of them feels about discussing these things and having the parent involved in some of these issues. I would not be out there buying contraceptives for my kids, but I seriously doubt they would even ask me. But they have pretty much taken care of most of their medical needs, even things where it would be entirely normal for a parent to be there. I have insisted on being a part of some serious life threatening issues even though my son is legally an adult and could block me in those matters if he so chooses. I don’t know what I would do if one my kids wants me participating in getting them their birthcontrol and sharing details of their sex life. I think I would tell him, that that is too much info for me. </p>
<p>There are a lot of things that a parent should discuss about sex with their kids once they are at that age where it comes into their lives. It’s not always a comfortable discussions but there are some bare minimums that need to be covered. Dangers should be listed. For many young men as well as women, the dangers of date rape, the effect drugs and alcohol can have on judgment this area, and the potential problems that can arise. By letting them know that you are at least familiar with these things, does open the door to the possibility that they will call you if they find themselves in trouble in these areas, which otherwise might be inconceivable to them. </p>
<p>I remember when I was in college, and one of the girls in my dorm had some issue that probably should have had some parental involvement, and someone saying about her parent, “she’s probably never even had sex.” Yeah, we laughed, but the sentiment was pretty much there that the parent was just too naive, stupid, weak and unknowledgeable to be brought into the picture.</p>
<p>H’s family is very conservative, very religious and all three “faith filled” nieces got pregnant out of wedlock before the age of 20. They were very proud of never having discussed sex or contraception with their daughters. This situation made it VERY EASY for me to bring up this subject by the time my D was 13.
So far none of them are doing time for first degree murder, but if that happens…it may be time for another chat with D.</p>
<p>BUY HER A BOX OF CONDOMS!
You can doubt your decision for the rest of your life…lose some sleep, be embarrassed, whatever…but at least you know you did something positive to prevent an unwanted pregnancy or STD.
The heat of the moment is just around the corner…</p>
<p>Glad you are able to talk to your D. I too have a great relationship with my D and had these same discussions before she went to college.</p>
<p>Baelor—I have no idea how to answer that question as I was not present in the room during the act.As far as I’m concerned that side of the family live on another planet. They all three got pregnant and they are still church goers (if that means anything) Two of them married and both were divorced within the year. Ultimately, the use of birth control would (in the faith or out) have saved them a lot of grief.</p>