“I also have a hard time seeing that there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy in demand letters sent to your upcoming roommates.”
I don’t. I think it’s a reasonable expectation that those letters would stay among the three of them. Just like when I send an email to a friend, I don’t expect him or her to forward it to 25 other people or post it to social media unless I’ve requested that happen.
How the girls could not see this would inflame the situation further, I don’t get.
I think we should use this as lesson to our kids about their “electronic footprint”
Sorry, but I disagree (and I agree with @doschicos ). I use social media all the time, and there are lots of ways to use it and enjoy it without splashing someone else’s mistakes all over the place.
Yes we need to teach our kids to be careful what they put in an email. Yes we need to explain that there is no expectation of privacy in an email (go ask Colin Powell that right now). Ashly did something stupid. She’s 17-18. Teenagers do stupid immature things.
But two wrongs do not make a right. Why should we encourage someone to make an email public? Why should we shrug our shoulders and just accept that it’s going to happen?
People’s lives have been ruined for making one stupid social media mistake – they’ve been publicly shamed, they’ve been hounded, they’ve received rape and death threats. I am not willing to blithely say, “that’s OK, that’s just the way social media is supposed to be.”
My daughter and her friends are older, in their mid-late 20s. And almost every one of them is amazingly circumspect on social media (compared to my generation). They rarely post. They never post anything personal. I’ve talked to my daughter about this, and she says she has no interest in having her 1,000 “friends” on Facebook know what she is doing.
People post first-hand stories like this every day on this board, and we gobble them up. Guess what; this board is social media, too. Very, very often people post more than enough detail to permit enterprising Googlers to discover their identities, so the fact that this board is purportedly anonymous makes little difference.
It is very funny that such prolific users of social media as those on this board would effect outrage (or, more mildly, a sense of superiority) over others who post exactly the same sorts of stories that we enjoy on this board!
So, now I’m curious.
Let’s say the “normal” roommates posted this exact same story on this board, with the text of the emails and identifying UCLA (but leaving off Ashly’s name).
Let’s further say that some enterprising reporter was able to identify the source based on the “normal” roommate’s posting history on this site, and ran an article about it in the national press.
Would that be an irresponsible or inappropriate (or choose your adjective) use of social media by the “normal” roommate?
What if the roommate knew that Ashly frequented this board?
I wish we had email back in my day. I was in the triple with “Ashly” and had no prior warning. My first clue was when I arrived to find that she’d divided the room in half, with the twin bed and her furniture on one side (by the window away from the door and closets), and the bunk beds, metal closet and remaining furniture for me and the third roommate on the other side. At least Ashly is willing to take the top bunk!
While Ashly sounds insufferable, posting this on social media was a poor decision.
@Pizzzagirl These three young women did not know each other IRL. They had/have no bonds of friendship. Ashly did not know the personalities, attitudes or behaviors of those to whom she sent the diatribe. She had no reasonable expectation to be treated as a friend. Given the tone of the correspondence she could, however, expect to be treated as a scary, hostile stranger.
“It is very funny that such prolific users of social media as those on this board would effect outrage (or, more mildly, a sense of superiority) over others who post exactly the same sorts of stories that we enjoy on this board!”
To me, it’s neither outrage nor moral superiority. I just think it was unwise of the “good” roommates to share such detail publicly, when Ashly was already an unreasonable person.
Boy can a crappy roommate ruin a year of college. So glad I had a good one.
“I taught my daughter from a young age not to put anything in an email to an acquaintance – let alone a stranger – that she wouldn’t want published on the front page of the New York Times. I guess Ashly learned that lesson the hard way.”
Do you really think Ashly “learned her lesson”? Do we think she is sitting there thinking “gosh, I really was off base to demand a certain bed and closet; I need to apologize to them and start fresh”? Or do we think she has escalated this in her own mind to defcon 1 status and is plotting ways of getting those girls back and good for publicly humiliating her?
My money would be on the latter, personally. Who votes the former?
And I don’t know about you but I’ve put plenty of things in email I wouldn’t want on the cover of the NYTimes.
Sorry, but there is a big difference between posting here and on Facebook or Twitter. There is promised anonymity here that is not a feature of a lot of social media (although it is possible to be somewhat anonymous on Twitter and Instagram). I have seen posters admonish students regularly to be careful what they post here, especially when they give too much identifying information. I am very careful to be vague and to change identifying details when I give anecdotes on this board.
There are stories every year of horrible roommates that we discuss. I do make a distinction between that and what this girl did on Twitter.
An enterprising reporter who took an anonymous story on CC and tried to track down the real names and then published that information without getting permission – I can’t believe an editor would run with that story, and if they did, it would be irresponsible.
Yes I’m “outraged” by everyone’s actions – but I don’t feel superior.
While the other students in OP could have been more discreet in leaking the email(i.e. leaving out identifying info), they weren’t and IMO…shouldn’t be obligated to preserve the privacy of someone who sent them an impolitic/threatening letter as Ashly did. The individual was not only an effective stranger, but one who wrote in a hostile and threatening manner.
If anything, the release of this letter is a form of holding impolitic or threatening letter writers accountable for their words. In a sense, this is a form of transparency to “out” those who behave badly.
And no, I strongly disagree with those who say “but they’re teenagers/children”. Sorry, once you’re over the age of 18 and/or starting undergrad, you’re effectively an adult and should be treated accordingly.
Agree with @Hanna that Ashly’s letter proves her admission was a mistake on the part of UCLA and I hope they are in the process of considering rescinding her admission or at least subjecting her to disciplinary measures as that letter violates the conduct codes of several colleges I know of.
@doschicos – I had to laugh a little when I read your post about the grammar used in these emails… I made the mistake of questioning my D’s grammar on a text the other day and she told me that only social outcasts worry about grammar when texting/emailing. It is viewed as somewhat uncool to have “perfect sentences” in the social media world.
I guess I’m a social outcast then, @1andonly. 
I get all the short sentences and abbreviations and such in texting. It’s the “me and her” stuff that has nothing to do with being in a rush and “casual”.
“I would just like to say that me and Winnie…”
That’s not “oh, I’m just dashing off a quick text” kind of stuff. That’s just lousy grammar, no excuses.Plus emailing is not texting.
Also, I think your daughter’s response is a defensive response.Hopefully, you didn’t fall for it. 
Having had the nightmare of all nightmares as my first college roommate, I guess I’m less critical of a future roommate posting this. If my freshman rm/mt had sent me a list that what was mine was hers, that she would have various men staying with her nightly, and the extras in my twin bed, and she would steal my typewriter, clothes, and checks, well…
It took the local police, not the RA or Housing, to get her out. Four months of hell.
So, yeah, I’m less forgiving of a narcissistic, entitled gal.
I agree they were not obligated to protect Ashly’s privacy but I think it was unwise of them to out her - not for Ashly’s sake but for their own sake.
Ya, I agree. They could have forwarded her e-mail to housing. The true goal is to not have her as a roommate.
Yes, definitely defending her turf. But, I believe it has a lot to do with the speed these kids respond to messages. It is truly amazing how fast their fingers can pop out responses (maybe, this is the real problem with the roommate situation …think before you type).
Our daily business gets us into the daily business of college students in a way most outsiders will never experience.
Social media is omnipresent.
The inter connections go father than parents, students and those tasked with guiding the young imagine.
At 18 you are an adult.
Your actions have consequences.
Anything electronic is easily transmitted to the wild wild west of the web.
There is no privacy.
Welcome to 2016
Don’t be stupid.
When in doubt STFU.
I personally know the person who tweeted out this email and she has contacted housing and is awaiting their decision, for all of you wondering if she took steps with administration.