<p>Alright, so I’m a perfectionist. And it’s not like I can really help it either–I don’t think such obsessions could be easily managed. It’s like an addiction.
One of my major obsessions is over academics and of course, that involves getting into an elite college. I strive to and I obsessively work on assignments.
However, lately one of my friends is getting extremely nosy about it. He gets annoyed if I’m not on AIM to talk to him because I’m busy doing other things. To clarify things, I DO go on AIM to talk to people now and then but only when I feel like it would be somewhat productive for me to or if I have something to talk about on AIM. Otherwise I don’t log on to talk about random crap like “Hey man, what’s up? Nothing, man, great. Duhhh.” And furthermore, when I do talk to him on AIM and we come to one of those “awkward silences”, he starts overreacting and asking questions like, “Er, are you not in a good mood or something? [insert annoying paranoid face here]” He even EMAILS me and BUGS me about those little trifling things! And he complains about my perfectionism, that I don’t spend enough time with him. Also, another reason why I don’t like talking to him so much is because he’s not one of those academically-devoted types of people, and we lack common interests. So when I want to talk about academics (which I love talking about), I find myself having to explain things a million times to him and he always misunderstands. It isn’t interesting at all! (thank God there’s CC)
Now, it may sound like I don’t have a life but I really do. I don’t sit around working on academics all day; I actually do go shopping, watch TV, play video games, etc. It’s just that I value academics more than he does. I value it to the degree that I would base my self-worth on it (not like I can help it).
What I don’t understand is why he does this to me. Sure, we can still be friends, but friends have to tolerate each other’s differences and leave friends alone when they want to be left alone. They have to give each other some privacy, not totally intrude like he did to me by questioning my perfectionism and totally getting all ****ed off because I’m not on AIM every single darn minute of the day. It’s like he’s trying to change me, trying to make me not the 4.0, perfectionistic, independent, hardworking person I am. I could say it’s almost as if he wants to drag me to down, and it’s really getting on my nerves.</p>
<p>So my question is, what do you guys think of this? Does it seem as if we make a mismatched pair of friends? And do you think he’s being a bad friend and totally rude by intruding like that? Does this happen to any of you? Have you lost any of your friends this way–by pursuing your academic interests?
Thanks guys, and sorry if the long post makes your eyes bleed.</p>
<p>i think he’s an egocentric dumb ■■■■■■■ and you should tell him to **** off and leave you alone.
sorry that was a bit rough, but i hate people like that and i would never express such attitude towards my girl-friend, even if we’re just friends and were not interested in each other.</p>
<p>hmm chthonicxcorpus - me.duh is right… lol. my old bf was like that, he went to the extent of telling me to fail my SATs, get a B (which i haven’t done in my life - yes i’m a perfectionist), not to apply to an ivy, and go to ucberkeley like him. well, i broke up w/ him, and honestly, i’m glad i did - if a friend doesn’t want the best for you, then he’s not really a friend at all. that’s what i learned - the hard way. so talk to your friend, tell him that this is what you want and if he can’t deal with it then too bad. it’s mean, but sadly, in my own experiences, it’s the only way they learn or get the point. no offense to any guys.</p>
<p>Thank you so much, guys. That’s what I thought too. And dima–I’m glad you said that because there were some points when I thought that too, and I thought that I was only being cruel. It sounded a bit harsh to myself, as well, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. I guess I am doing the right thing. Thanks for the reassurance. You guys rock. :)</p>
<p>EDIT-Oh, and yes, he did admit that he likes me. Bingo on the spot, me.duh. I just wasn’t sure if this was the factor affecting it entirely or if I was just being a selfish loser myself.</p>
<p>I’m infuriated right now. That ■■■■■■■ tried to use invalid evidence to “team up” against me and make me change. I just got rid of him. Thank God.
I guess I should’ve followed my instinct ages ago.
And thanks again, guys, Lol.</p>
<p>i dont know how good of friends you are with him and i dont know neither of you guys, but the stuff you described makes me think that your friend is a total loser. one of those guys that think that everybody is their buddy so they can be arrogant and say stupid stuff and be selfish and manipulative because he thinks that you somehow know he’s not for real. we, guys, do that stuff with friends, like picking on each other and calling each other names because we know its not serious. i personally wold never ever do anything like that to a girl, i never even let myself curse in front of a girl, but there are guys that do that. my best advice would be to talk to your friend about this situation and make him understand that you’re not his girlfriend and you’re not his buddy, and he has to be respectful and stop hurting your feelings. if he doesnt get it, write down as many curse words as you know, call him up and call him every single one of these words. after that, just ignore him for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>dima-(sorry I don’t know how to quote)
“i dont know how good of friends you are with him and i dont know neither of you guys, but the stuff you described makes me think that your friend is a total loser. one of those guys that think that everybody is their buddy so they can be arrogant and say stupid stuff and be selfish and manipulative because he thinks that you somehow know he’s not for real. we, guys, do that stuff with friends, like picking on each other and calling each other names because we know its not serious. i personally wold never ever do anything like that to a girl, i never even let myself curse in front of a girl, but there are guys that do that. my best advice would be to talk to your friend about this situation and make him understand that you’re not his girlfriend and you’re not his buddy, and he has to be respectful and stop hurting your feelings. if he doesnt get it, write down as many curse words as you know, call him up and call him every single one of these words. after that, just ignore him for the rest of your life”</p>
<p>Dima, I love your ending two sentences. It’s wickedly beautiful.
I’ve always forgiven him for his errors, over and over again. And it always seems to be around the same things–how he’s trying to change me, manipulate me in that way, forcing me to be different. He’s apologized a million times over. I’ve blindly forgiven him a million times over. I guess it should’ve ended a long time ago. And yes, he does seem to be arrogant and selfish. He says all of this crap a lot.
I’m glad that you say you wouldn’t do something like this to a girl–there ought to be more guys like you out there. The world lacks such people.
He doesn’t respect me, like I said, he invades my space, forcing me to his will.
So I ended it.
And I’m shaking with anger and relief.</p>
<p>You’re just too nice of a person to turn down a friend that’s behaving that way. You kept thinking that you’re just friends and he only wants good things and the problem is really with you, not with him, and you blamed all that on your perfectionism. But there was only a 50% chance that your point of view was right, and turned out that it was wrong. Now, you should avoid the dude and communicate with him as less as possible. But dont let youself catch even a glimpse of thought that this was all is your fault. And keep your nose up.
PS and yeah, here’s a tip on quoting: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/misc.php?do=bbcode[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/misc.php?do=bbcode</a></p>
<p>If you’re female, he wants you. If you’re male, he’s just plain jealous. </p>
<p>It’s probably happened to me several times in grade school, though they weren’t exactly nice friends anyway, more like troublemakers. I was better off without them. When I began high school, my non-academically-oriented friends drifted apart, though not nastily. Most of my friends now are really smart brainiacs.</p>
<p>About your perfectionism, you have Asian parents. If they’re the stereotypical Asians, they push you and they push you hard. After all these years of them pushing, maybe you have become obsessed with perfection.</p>
<p>Maybe you should see things from his point of view. If he does have a crush on you, you’re being a little bit unapproachable. Maybe you should sit down and explain to him that just because you don’t go on AIM doesn’t mean that you hate him or something. I dunno. He doesn’t really seem to be a jerk or anything. He just wants to get attention from you. And he wants to get that attention in any way he can.</p>
<p>How is that leading him on? If she sits down and talks to him, she can set boundaries about the friendship. I don’t think it’s leading him on at all. It’s just explaining the circumstances from her point of view. In my experience, nothing good ever comes from ignoring a problem/avoiding a person and hoping it will go away.</p>
<p>Chillaxing is good. It’s the effing summer. Worrying about school is just dumb, unless you got actual stuff to do, and who does? Most people just don’t place the emphasis on education that some people here do, and most people have lower standards. Neway, your boyfriend’s a jerk, and you probably feel better for dumping him. Oh, and remember, sometimes, things are out of your control.</p>
<p>Lol, yes it’s summer but I have summer homework and stuff to do for my club. Plus I have to help my mom around the house because she has difficulties doing things due to a recent back injury.
And uh, no he’s not my boyfriend. Indeed, one cannot totally control everything.</p>
