I have a friend from NY who I was excited to go to UNCW with. 4.0 GPA, 1950 SAT, was also accepted into schools like NYU and BU. A very intelligent, ambitious kid with plans to change the world. But, unfortunately, we might not get to be classmates after all.
His parents, who are immigrants from Turkey, are literally preventing him from going to the school that HE wants to go to, and are basically forcing him to stay up north. Why? Because of the recent Charleston shooting. I’ve given him tons of advice to tell his parents that this is HIS choice, NOT theirs. But he’s now basically conceded defeat to me.
I really like this kid, and was anticipating us going to school together. It’s totally unfair that his parents aren’t budging. Is there any advice that the denizens of CC would like to offer me and/or my friend?
Honestly, this is really none of your business. It is between him and his parents (who are presumably paying). It isn’t entirely “his choice” unless he is going to pay all the costs, expenses, and take out all the loans.
Agreed, stay out of it. Assuming his parents are paying they have the right to place restrictions on location and encourage a school they feel is the best choice. I don’t think it has to do with the fact that they are from Turkey, I think many parents born and raised in the US would do the same thing.
I think it is a huge mistake for anyone to choose a college based on where a friend is going. If you are close friends you will keep in contact during college and vacations and remain friends regardless of where he ends up.
I honestly don’t get ANY of the criticism I’m receiving. He’s told me how much he wants to attend UNCW, he’s visited, he’s even gone to orientation and loved it. I don’t know why they’re telling him that he wouldn’t be able to go to the school that HE believes is the best fit for HIM (he’s told me so, and he wouldn’t lie about that). He has expressed his frustrations to me about his parents “knowing nothing about the process”, and that they simply want him to go to the school with the biggest name. He’s very loan-averse, hence why he doesn’t want to go to either BU or NYU. I feel if distance was really THAT much of a problem, they would have restricted him to SUNY schools or that stuff.
I don’t see any criticism. You solicited opinions and opinions were offered. If you don’t like the opinions, you can feel free to ignore them, but spinning your tale a different way probably will not result in different responses.
@skieurope I’m not “spinning my tale” a different way. I’m telling it like it is. He’s not at all a prestige hound; in fact, he ALWAYS says that he doesn’t want to go to a snobby university just because of the name.
@LBad96 But the point of what everyone’s saying is that whether or not he should/shouldn’t go to x school doesn’t matter…it’s really none of your business and there’s not really anything you can do to help his situation. It’s not as if you can convince his parents to let him go to UNCW instead of somewhere else, nor can you get your friend to go somewhere if his parents are forbidding it. And while it’s too bad if he can’t go where he wants to, his parents DO have a say in where he goes if they’re contributing to his education.
You asked for advice, and you are getting sound advice…it’s really best if you stay out of the matter since it doesn’t pertain to you.
So what advice do you want? Ten parents on CC could agree with you, that this kid who has never presented himself to us, should go to UNCW but what good does that do? You’ve said you’ve given him a lot of points to argue. In the end, it’s up to him to go against his parents if that’s what he really wants to do and figure out how to pay for college himself, or he can go where his parents want him to go.
Many kids are limited by their parents as to where they can afford to go. Your friend is one of many in this position.
So what so great about UNCW, since I have only heard of Chapel Hill as the place everyone wants to go to. Is it strong in the areas he would want to major in? Is there some particular attraction about the area? What sold you on the school?
No one can make him take out a loan, but no one can make his parents pay for a school they don’t want to pay for. That the reality of how college works in this country.
You’re not getting criticism. It’s just that there is no advice that can be offered. His family is going to do what his family is going to do, and there’s nothing any “outsider” can do about it.
If he is “forced” to take out loans, and he is over 18, HE is signing for them.
If he can’t put his foot down and stop complaining, and say “I am going to UNCW” to his parents, would he not sign off on loans and therefore get kicked out of BU or NYU?
However, the original post looks like “he can’t be with me because his parents are mean”. It does not come off on “my friend’s parents forbid him from going to his top college choice, which is cheaper for him and his parents”.
NFN, you think someone of Turkish descent will be met with higher regard in Boston than in Charleston?
As immigrants, or anyone for that matter, no telling the history they have come from. Their background and comfort is to have him at a place they are familiar with. BU and NYU are totally different than UNCW. To some, the south is still the south. My African-American friend who happens to be a very educated PHd engineer is terrified to be on roads there by himself after attending a friends wedding. Sound silly? Maybe, but until you have been the one pulled over and the sheriff says, “Hey boy, what are you doing on MY highway?” it is hard to understand. I am not generalizing the that the south is all racist, but he had an experience there that certainly influences his opinion of it and he will not move there or want his childred to be there. Perhaps this kids parents have a similar reaction to something in their past, and they are most comfortable with him in the other locations or simply closer to home. Point is, that is their concern and their right, Sorry, but maybe you will make more friends without being tied to someone when you get there? Good things can come from this.
For all intents and purposes, it’s always the call of the person paying the bill. And it’s entirely possible that they want him closer to home than North Carolina.
And, for what it’s worth, NYU and BU are certainly decent enough schools!!!
It’s entirely possible that he’s not unhappy with his options, and is using his parents as the scapegoat. (I’ve always told my kids that I’ll be happy to take the heat for any decisions they care to make.)
Look at your post. It seems to be largely about what YOU want-- we haven’t read a post here from HIM asking how to convince his parents.
So I’ll join in and offer advice-- but to you. Be happy with him that he’s made a choice. Wish him the best of luck and stay in touch. But don’t begin to tell him where he should go or how he should convince his parents of a choice that they-- and possibly he-- won’t be happy with.
To be fair, he won’t be headed to Charleston. He’ll be headed to Wilmington. @rhandco and @bjkmom fair enough, I should have phrased that differently.
@mathmom he and I are both going to study business. UNCW’s Cameron School of Business is indeed a very strong business school. Wilmington is also one of the top beach cities in the USA
