Do his parents think Wilmington, being in Carolina and by the sea, and Charleston, being in Carolina and by the sea, are close or similar?
Just because they seem very different to Americans doesn’t mean they realize that:
Wilmington is a resort town, fairly recent, with lots of out of state tourist and a great diversity of people (especially with the TV/movie studios), whereas Charleston is a historical city, known for being the center of the slave-trade until the 19th century.
They’re not in the same state, although both have “Carolina” in the name; they’re more than 3 hours apart (about 250km away from each other)
No one can predict where an angry white man will decide to get a gun and shoot. Both coasts, both north and south, all states are affected. Until we have a law that federally prevents selling guns to convicts as well as people with psychiatric illnesses, or terrorist ties, no child is safe anywhere in the US.
How much debt are we talking about for BU and NYU?
Overall, though, ultimately the parents make the decision. Did they change their minds last week after the Charleston massacre, but had agreed your friend would be attending UNCW? Isn’t it too late for him to deposit elsewhere?
I have a way to solve the problem: offer to have your parents pay for your friend’s entire 4 years of education at UNCW. His parents might like a free ride. Problem solved!
@MYOS1634 UNCW gave him a full ride, while NYU and BU gave him all the loans in the universe. However, you are totally correct about the comparison between the two cities, as well as the “no child is safe” assessment.
EDIT: Oh, and it turns out that his dad also deposited @ BU behind his back.
While I am not certain of all the circumstances surrounding this case, using one incident as a reason to choose or not choose a college doesn’t make much sense. Lest we forget Boston had its own incident not too long ago and I don’t think anyone would recommend not going to a school in Boston because of it
If that is true, and he is 18, and he doesn’t need his parents to ever file a FAFSA for him again, then he can just pack his own suitcase and catch a bus to UNCW.
Not knowing the parents’ financial situation, whether or not BU is financially possible is a whole other story.
Depositing two places is a no-no. Did your friend also deposit at UNCW?
Sounds like the decision has been made. I suggest you go to UNCW and have a great four years. If you are a good friend you will wish your buddy well and be supportive of his going to BU. Nothing else to be done at this point.
@happymomof1 his family is very well off, and he’s talked so many times of starting his own business. Yes, he deposited at UNCW, and recently visited the area.
I’ll talk to him later today (it’s Wednesday now in NJ) to get some more word from him, even if I can’t directly help his situation.
At this point you need to stay out of it except to congratulate your friend and wish him well at BU. He has done his due diligence, his parents want him at BU, BU is a higher ranked school, his parents can afford to send him there, and he has agreed to go. You and your family made one choice, he and his family made a different one. At this point he doesn’t need your “help with the situation” – he just needs your support. Let it go.
Frankly I’m not sure passing up NYU or BU to go to UNCW is such a bad move. Not to be insulting, but UNCW is a third-tier state U. while NYU and BU (NYU in particular) are internationally renowned universities. This might be a different conversation if we were talking about Chapel Hill, but we’re not.
It could be a bad move to go to BU if the wealthy parents expect the student to take on a large amount of debt (yes, there have been stories here of parents trying to force the student to go to a high debt school when a low/no debt option was available). Also, it looks like there is family drama if the student wanted to go to UNCW but the father deposited at BU behind his back. Seems like a mess that the OP can do little or nothing about.
I agree with those who are telling the OP that there’s not really anything he can do to help his friend. But I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s none of his business–apparently the friend has confided in him, and is frustrated. I can sympathize. The Charleston shooting is not really a reason to pull out of UNCW, especially if he already accepted admission there, and if his parents were going to let him go there until the shooting happened. (The OP’s facts are a little murky on the timeline.)
It may well be true that if the parents are paying, they ultimately get to decide, and that neither the OP nor his friend have much power to change the situation. That doesn’t make the parents right about it, of course. Still, OP, the best thing for you to do as a friend is to say that your pal will do great wherever he goes, that BU is a great school, that you’ll miss him but will still be his friend, etc.
I think the best thing you can do is just be a good friend. Commiserate over how your friend isn’t getting exactly what he wants, and when he’s ready for it, celebrate over the fact that he gets to go to a great school. He’ll meet new people, get a great education, and (hopefully!) have a really fun and fulfilling experience, just like you will. Promise you’ll keep in touch with him and make plans to visit each other and/or spend time together during school breaks to catch up. Talk about great things that BU or NYU or whatever school he’s going to has to offer.
You don’t get a say in where he goes to school. Period. You can stomp your feet and say it’s unfair all you want, but it is what it is. This is a situation he needs to navigate with his parents. You can help him come up with strategies for how he can go to UNCW if he really wants to, but in my experience, many young adults aren’t willing to cut all ties with their parents for something like this. He may not be willing to do what he has to do to go to a college his parents don’t approve of, and that’s okay. It’s his life. Be supportive and helpful with anything he wants help with, but in general, stay out of it.
That stinks for your friend. I suspect it is the “better school” factor.
A few things: you aren’t doing anything wrong. You are listening to him, and seeing if anyone here can advise him through you. But unfortnately there is no magic bullet on this one. That family decides, and that is all she wrote I’m afraid. That is all people are saying when they say it is not your business. There is just nothing that you can do.
Unless the kid was on a wait list and just got off of it for BU, then the parent had to have deposited at BU a long time before the Charleston shooting. The issue is not about that shooting. It is about the parent preferring BU to begin with.