I think a part of this is highly dependent on personality and how one was raised. In my case, it’s a mix of liking to be helpful, preferring to only talk about my problems with folks for the express purpose of seeking advice/help in solving/resolving the problem on a positive note, and a strong intolerance for those who vent in my extended family* and among male peers** and older males in my old neighborhood**
Personally, I’ve also been inclined to consider the question “Why would I want to dump all my negative emotions on friends/same-aged or younger relatives/SOs IF they weren’t responsible for causing them?”***
While I’ve tried accounting for that upbringing when trying to be helpful with friends/dates, those influences are very hard to overcome.
- Was considered a sign one was "lacking self-control", "discretion", and an inclination to spend more time complaining about one's problems than to act in solving them with minimal discussion.
** Venting was considered a sign one was “too emotional” and thus, not a good way to gain or maintain the minimum “male machismo cred” necessary to remain in good standing with them if one was a boy/young adolescent male. And this was reinforced with teasing or even outright physical assaults.
*** One exception to this are parents and older relatives as the former IMO implicitly signed up for this when they opted to become parents and the latter is part and parcel of acting in the role of younger relatives. A reason why I am far less irritated when the individual venting is a younger/same-aged relative/friend as opposed to an older one…such as a few older friends who act this way with me so often in the past I’ve limited contact with them and actually told one that “I’m not willing to act in the role of your father/older relative…especially considering I’m 3+ years YOUNGER than you and most of your problems is due to your long history of failing to heed/follow through on advice you’ve specifically asked for”.
Not sure I agree here.
Especially considering some of the worst venters I’ve experienced exhibit a variant of the highly authoritarian streak in the form of feeling entitled to vent at others without regard to whether the individual concerned is ok and has stated as such or worse, adamantly refuses to consider appropriate time & place considerations*.
Incidentally, this very behavior has caused some older college classmates who consider themselves to be “anti-authoritarian” in character to be tossed out of some progressive activist groups for among other things “exhibiting authoritarian/tyrannical tendencies”. And considering what I’ve seen of their behaviors…including the manner in which they vent…I can’t blame those groups for tossing them out.
- I.e. Not in the middle of class, office hours, in public areas of the workplace where one serves customers/clients, on early dates BEFORE a relationship has developed, etc.