Funny dog thread

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I don’t usually copy stuff of the interent, but I saw this on a dog forum that I frequent and I got a good laugh out of it, so I thought I’d share:</p>

<pre><code> TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog:

  1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3 I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

  1. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

  2. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’… neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.

  3. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

  4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

  5. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration.

  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

  7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello”.

  8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

  10. I will not throw up in the car.

  11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

  12. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.

  13. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

And, finally, My last question . . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
</code></pre>

2

<p>weenie,</p>

<p>That is hysterical! I just printed it out. My family will love it.</p>

3

<p>I needed that…but i must add:</p>

<p>I will continue to lick legs dry after you get out of the shower</p>

<p>I will watch your every move, even doing the laundry</p>

<p>I will wake up people up in the morning by snuggling to keep them warm</p>

<p>I will wash your dinner plates off, while avoiding the peas</p>

<p>I will take my pill on the FIRST try</p>

<p>I will be nice to other small furry animals, okay well maybe not cats, but the other ones</p>

<p>I will actually know what to do when I catch my tale</p>

<p>I will stand up and not play dead when you are trying to towel me off after a walk in the pouring rain</p>

<p>and</p>

<p>I will not totally destroy the stuffed toys I am given, they will at least last two days</p>

<p>I will not continue eating something really gross when you tell me to and not try and inhale it while you are reaching in my mouth</p>

<p>I will only roll in something gross before you were actually planning on giving me a bath, not after.</p>

4

<p>I will wait at least ten minutes before kissing you after cleaning myself</p>

<p>I will only roll in dirty clothes, not the freshly washed ones being sorted</p>

<p>I only sit on your lap while you are driving at the stop signs</p>

<p>I will let you sleep in past 6:30 on saturday morning by NOT telling you the newspaper was just thrown at the house by the big truck or the annoying kid on the bike</p>

<p>I have learned that if I dig a hole, I should help you fill it in</p>

<p>And I will not start barking at the bus while you are on the telephone</p>

5

<p>Isn’t this funny! These dogs are all so similar. Sometimes I look at my dogs and I think, “I can’t believe I let you live in my house!” I think one of my dogs (a young one) JUST got over the nasty habit of eating poop. Wow. I haven’t caught him in about 3 weeks. I am so hopeful.</p>

<p>Ya’ gotta love em.</p>

6

<p>I will not dig my heels in, lean back, and and pull myself out of my collar when being taken to the vet.</p>

7

<p>I will not mistake daddy’s new Christmas slipper for my new chew toy.</p>

<p>I will not bring the rawhide chewie back into the house I buried last spring.</p>

<p>I will try to chew up your shoes in pairs, instead of from two different pairs.</p>

8

<p>Dear God: Why do humans keep peeing in the biggest water bowl in the house? </p>

<p>:)</p>

<p>Thanks for the chuckle Weenie!</p>

9

<p>OMG this is soooo funny Coco (my dog) will love it!!!</p>

<p>Thank you for posting this!!!</p>

10

<p>I’m still laughing!!!</p>

11

<p>I will stop finding the dead center of the bed and then sprawling out prone so so one else has enough room to sleep comfortably</p>

<p>I will try to stop snoring</p>

<p>I will actually chew those doggie breath mints so my doggie breath is tolerable for at least 3 minutes</p>

<p>I will actually let you brush my teeth instead of just licking the chicken-flavor toothpaste off the toothbrush.</p>

<p>Sorry-- I won’t let you clip my toenails without a fight…</p>

<p>I will stop stealing the underwear out of the dirty laundry basket, and if I can’t resist, I will try to leave them intact, without chew holes in all the wrong places</p>

<p>I will try to stop knocking over the trashcan and leaving gross stuff all over the place. Wait, who am I kidding, I won’t stop knocking over the trashcan.</p>

<p>When I knock over the trashcan I will try to keep the contents in a 5 foot radius</p>

<p>But, I will greet you every day with my tail wagging, doing the happy dance :)</p>

12

<p>:)</p>

<p>I will only shed on stuff that is the same color as my fur</p>

<p>I will eat my dinner slowly, enjoying each bite, and not look like I have never been fed</p>

<p>I will always love you even if you are in your knarly sweatclothes</p>

<p>I will always want to go for a ride in the dark at night so you won’t be alone</p>

<p>I will wear that silly bow I get at the groomers with pride, not shame</p>

<p>I will not jump on each and every person that comes to the door, only the ones with cookies</p>

<p>I will learn the difference between door to door sales people and delivery people</p>

<p>I will learn to not smell in the exact same place and time as another dog is marking…ewwww</p>

<p>I will not pretend I can’t hear you when you call me </p>

<p>I will still like you if YOU have bad breath ; )</p>

13

<p>I will not run out of the gate, across the street and down the block to bite the vet’s precious purebred dog.</p>

<p>Then,</p>

<p>Dear God, Will I have to keep taking anti-anxiety medicine?
Dear God, Why do dogs get cat alleriges that make them hack like a cat with a furball?
Dear God, Was Mom trying to run me over when the garage door went up and she gunned the engines, or was that a human game?<br>
Dear God, Why does everyone call me The Psycho Dog?</p>

14

<p>heheheheheeeheh</p>

15

<p>THE DOG RULES</p>

<br>

<br>

16

<p>I don’t know why I am barking, but the dog across the street is, so gotta bow to peer pressure</p>

17

<p>omg…i am wiping away the tears from laughing soooo hard…and my dog is looking at me like I’m nuts!!</p>

18

<p>“I try to show my human how much I care by bringing her special treats, like my macerated dried squirrel carcass and the hindquarters of rats (with those fun chewy rubbery tails!) but she shrieks and shows NO appreciation.”</p>

19

<p>My owner is the same, when I roll in that special dead thing at the beach and run in for hugs, she is sooo rude…</p>

20

<p>thanks, everyone. I finally had to read the posts out loud, because my husband got ticked off when I kept laughing to myself. These were great! I recently got an 8-week old puppy. She’s about 12 weeks now. She is under the misconception that the trash can is just a temporary storage facility for toys. </p>

<p>Carolyn, I loved your comment about the biggest water bowl. And my puppy is mystified about why we only take small amounts from that little roll of paper on the wall, when it’s so much fun to yank the end, and race through the house with it trailing behind. Yippee</p>