A few years ago while grocery shopping a college aged young man came up to me and said “excuse me Ma’am, you look like you know your way around a grocery store” and then asked me where to find something. And I knew. He wasn’t wrong but it cracked me up.
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I commented to a nurse at the hospital where I worked that she looked so much like my sister in law. And honest to Pete she said “Well I hope you know your sister in law well enough to know I am not her.” And didn’t crack a smile. I was stunned.
Hubby and I were out to dinner one time and had a very young waitress. The touchpad entry thing was down for her and she had to actually come and write down our order. And ended up saying “It’s really frustrating. Kind of like a wet dream as the men would say.” Hubby and I did the deer in headlights look at each other as she giggled and walked away.
Wonder if she would’ve giggled at the lack of tip I’d leave.
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We were scheduled to take our young puppy to obedience classes and they had asked us to bring a yoga mat as a place marker during training.
I stopped by at a Target but couldn’t find one so I sought help from a young employee who walked me to the right aisle. I picked up a thin mat when she pointed me to another one and said “this one is a half inch thicker and it’s only $2 more”. I said thanks, but I’m fine because it’s for my dog. Her jaw literally dropped, and she said with hesitant admiration in her voice: “your dog does yoga?”
I seized the moment and said “no, but he’s taking classes”. And she goes: “they have yoga classes for dogs? Wow!”
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I ran into another mom at the grocery store whose son went to high school with my DD. We were catching up and she asked what my DD was up to, and I mentioned that she was in medical school. The mom blurted out, “I didn’t know she was one of the smart kids”!
I was making an italian meal, and wanted to make garlic bread, so stopped at Panera for a baguette, but they were all out. There was a Corner Bakery and Maggiano’s across the street, so I called and asked if they had any baguettes. I was told that they did, and I could pick one up at the Maggiano’s carry out window.
I got the the window and explained that I had just called and wanted to pick up a baguette. The person said, yes, I just talked to you, and asked me if I wanted anything else, I said no, just the one baguette. The person replied, “really, just one little bag?” 
Um… a baguette is a loaf of bread. “oh, we don’t have that” 
Years ago when I went to get my nails done, a young woman doing my nails was speaking with very heavy Brooklyn accent (think Saturday night fever). Out of the blue she said, “OMG, it’s so funny you don’t speak with an accent.” I wasn’t sure which accent she was talking about - Chinese or Brooklyn.
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No stories about my kids or twins which I have lots of but this one was funny.
This happened years ago. We were touring the Pacific Northwest with our three kids. Our son got sick, but my husband and I had previously scheduled a tour. The two girls wanted to go on it and didn’t want to stay stuck in the hotel, while I waited for a doctors appointment.
So my husband takes the girls and I get a call about 20 minutes later. Now this will fit better if you understand that my husband is a bit of a klutz. So he never likes to go anywhere without me. This is the retell:
So he tells me they are at a wharf and he is about to confirm a payment with the credit card that was used to hold the reservation.
As he’s taking out his wallet, with those plastic inserts, the credit card falls out of the ragged plastic, and into the water, through the wooden slats at the wharf, and start to sink.
Well the fish must’ve been accustomed to people throwing food to them, so they came up to take nibbles at the credit card.
So he calls me in a panic saying he doesn’t know what to do. Well the girls are still bugging him to take them on the tour and he wants to stop, to try to get the card that has now sunk. So I tell him I know which credit card he used to make the reservation And I will call the company. So all of this information is relevant.
I get on the phone and I immediately tell the young lady that I need to report a lost card and get a replacement card but that we are on vacation and that I know exactly where the card is.
I explained the whole situation and the clerk is very quiet. So then I asked if she still on the line, and she says “yes I’ve been trying to check what category to put your request. She is again quiet and I am patiently breathing and she finally says:
“ I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t put in your request because there is no category for ‘lost at sea.’”
And I’m quiet for a little bit and then I start laughing. And she says, “yeah I got you good on that one huh?”
Then she processed it. So when my husband got back with the girls, I used the same line on him and I said:
“I’m sorry sweetie, they couldn’t process your credit card replacement request because it was lost at Sea and they don’t have a category for that.”
He goes ballistic and starts yelling: “I’m gonna call that credit card company!!! What do they mean I can’t get a replacement???
So I said “hon it’s a joke. And he still didn’t get it. “Well you shouldn’t tell jokes like that and neither should they!”
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Reminds me of when my D was in HS. Someone asked what school activities she was doing and I said she was on the cheer team. The woman said " but I thought she was smart".
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Yeah, my sister looked down on my pediatrician because he was in her “dumb” HS math class. He was a pretty good pediatrician until our kids got too complicated for him.
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Another funny, not funny. I’ve been asked multiple times if my D was my biological child… including once by a pediatrician! 
While it’s true our coloring is completely different, who says that?
My D is the spitting image of my mom. (I take after my dad’s family.) To my knowledge no one asked my mom if I was her biological kid. Geez, the nerve. I used to respond asking people if they wanted to see my stretch marks as proof. Grr.
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When my 3.5-y.o. daughter (adopted from China at 23 months) was in daycare in Chinatown, the staff kept saying that she looks more like me every day. (I.don’t.think.so)
My BIL (Chinese ancestry) and SIL (european ancestry) adopted 2 kids from Korea, neither of course which looked like SIL. Not sure what Qs they were asked—kids do look like BIL, but not SisIL.
I bought a 
card for my DH for the first time in years …. But it was “from the dog”.
My hubby didn’t want a third (at the time) dog.
Now said dog is his baby.
On our cruise, we heard the “What elevation will we be at when we are in port?”. I was waiting in a hotel lobby for our room to be cleaned while the front desk person was checking in new guests. Multiple times the response to their “Would you like the free WIFI password?” was “How much is it for the WIFI?”
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I had it different way.
Situation 1 (often in different combinations, since 2 oldest and 2 youngest looked alike) “Do you have twins?” My 3 kids are all 2 years apart…
Situation 2- once in Costco-kids were in a cart… “Do you have triplets?” DD who was 6 at that time was very upset that she was an identical with 2 years old 
Sutuation 3. On play ground with 3 of my kids I was asked am I a nanny or a distant relative…I was speachless and had no idea how to prove that I am mom… The person got satisfied only when DH showed up…
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When I was in Kentucky and around 14, the girls from Chicago or NY who had a strong accent from wherever she lived swore I had an accent (I thought I spoke with a non-regional accent, like newscasters). The other 80 or so girls on the trip and I concluded that anyone who doesn’t speak like you sounds to you like “an accent.” I thought that was a profound thing to learn as a teen.
I had dark brown/black straight hair and many of the girls had blond curly hair. We all wished we could trade hair for a little while. haha!
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I can’t really think of any really funny things that someone said to me, but I can think of something really funny I did to someone.
I was in my hometown dealing with my mom who’d just had a stroke and was put in a nursing home. I stopped by the local Walmart to buy some things that my mom needed. So I walk in the door and take a cart from the cart lady waiting just inside and said thank you. Some item just past the entrance must have caught my eye for a minute, and when I looked up, I saw the cart lady…shopping. It hit me that she wasn’t the cart lady at all, and I had just walked in and grabbed a cart from a shopper. She looked at me and saw that I’d realized what I had done and smiled a little and I went over and apologized profusely and told her about my mom and my state of mind. She was so sweet about it that I gave her a hug, and then I see a couple of other ladies nearby smiling who obviously had seen the whole thing also! Gosh I have never been so embarrassed! But we all had a good laugh and I gave some ladies a good “guess what happened in Walmart today” story. 
Ok, I might have another one. My oldest daughter co-slept with me (for way too long), but when she was about two, We were lying next to each other but still awake. For some reason, I was thinking of my neighbor and the terrible haircuts that she gave to her husband and sons. Right then, my daughter said “Mommy, please don’t cut my hair.” 
. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard! Kind of funny and not just a little spooky . She had one other incident of mind reading where she told me that she didn’t want to go into the river … while I was bathing with her and reading an article about white water rafting in Outside magazine while she played. She couldn’t read nor even see anything but the cover since I was facing her. That one could be a coincidence since we were in water, but she said “I don’t want to go in the river”, so I chalk it up to her brief period of being a psychic.
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My D came home one day from pre-school very upset. I asked what the problem was. She said they were talking about what they were and all the other kids in her class were multiple things like Caucasian and Japanese or Chinese. After a little while she smiled and said, “Well, I’m Chinese and Catholic,” and was satisfied.
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