<p>“sure everyone is entertained all the time. They have hundreds of guests to consider, I think other immediate family (like you) could be gracious enough to help take care of your own mother if she wanted to attend the ceremony.”</p>
<p>You are absolutely right. However in this instance, every suggestion we offered for the grandmother of the bride was vetoed by either the mother of the bride or the bride, herself. Accommodating a member of the immediate family in a wheelchair (or letting arrangements be made for her) is very different that entertaining some random guest. As a matter of personal preference, I think my niece’s wedding was an unpleasant experience across the spectrum, which was something that was talked about by many of the guests at the time and after. Brides and grooms who arrange their plans, communicate them in a timely manner and then respectfully allow guests to make their best arrangements are doing a great kindness. The issue was that my niece didn’t do that last part. She had something to say about absolutely everything. I suspect the difference is that you are a true genius at setting boundaries and my mother, especially, is not.</p>
<p>I joke these days that I need to issue a disclaimer that the MOB (mother of bride) had little to do with planning D’s wedding. She and her fiance have taken charge and made all arrangements, occasionally running them past us, but making all decisions themselves. There is a lot they are doing that I really like (including not wanting wedding gifts, but suggesting donation sites if people wish). There are some things I would do differently (D seems to think that being detail oriented risks making her a* bridezilla* – when I asked what flowers were being used, she said they looked at online pictures with a hobbyist florist friend and chose some “pretty ones.” SO GLAD they are not going with UGLY flowers LOL!)</p>
<p>I have mentioned this wedding on some other threads, and in particular used CC very appreciatively for my MOB dress. But the rest is really in the hands of the bride and groom.</p>
<p>“when I asked what flowers were being used, she said they looked at online pictures with a hobbyist florist friend and chose some “pretty ones.” SO GLAD they are not going with UGLY flowers LOL!)”</p>
<p>Well, JEM, now that I am a seasoned MOB pro, (lol), feel free to come on here with any questions! Though as long as there are no ugly flowers, sounds like you’re good to go!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t have a problem with a gap between a wedding and a reception if it was made clear in the invitation. H and I once sat at a reception for about 3 hours before the bride and groom showed up. A lot of people left shortly after that because we were tired and it was late. We didn’t even stay for the cake cutting which I heard later was around 11:00 p.m. or so.</p>
<p>Where I grew up and got married, tradition is that the bridal party spends a few hours after the ceremony driving around the local area (with a designated driver ) in decorated cars to announce the wedding is complete…and perhaps partaking in a few adult beverages. The reception actually starts shortly after the ceremony (whether co-located or not) so the guests are able to relax before going if they wish or head straight to the reception where the bar is opened and snacks are provided. Once the wedding party arrives, the food/dancing portion of the reception begins. The arrival time of the wedding party is normally printed on the wedding program timeline so guests who wish to return to their hotel briefly or freshen up know when to head to the reception to not miss the main part. It usually works pretty well, but we grew up in a pretty rural area. Trying the same thing in Manhattan could equate to travelling about 3 blocks in a few hours. :)</p>
<p>What’s the old adage for the MOG?? Show up, shut up and wear beige. LOL. Practicing that mantra for…whenever.</p>
<p>As Chedva mentioned, there is commonly a big gap between the bar/bat mitzvah luncheon and evening party (some do the party right after the service so don’t have a separate luncheon).</p>
<p>Some families organize sightseeing complete with transportation, which is lovely. We provided information about things to do/see in town but also had a hospitality room open in the hotel. We did have transportation offered to/from the hotel/synagogue and to/from the hotel/evening dinner event. So people did not have to worry about parking, etc. But we didn’t have a sightseeing bus. IMO its hard to know what people want to do/see, and we found that the more you offer the more special things some people request that they simply don’t realize are excessive and inconvenience the hosts. </p>
<p>As I’ve said elsewhere, I kept a mental note of the most ridiculous things people asked for that were over the top. Like the ones who were going to blow off either our Fri night dinner or Sunday brunch because their favorite baseball team was playing our team in town that weekend, AND wanted US to buy them tickets AND get special handicapped accessible seats or them (her DH at the time had health issues). Um, NO. Gave them the stadium’s contact info. Or the mother of one of the kids coming to the party who wanted US to pick up her kid because she was having her own party that night and (a) wanted to get ready and (b) didnt want to drink and drive. Ummm… what the heck did she think we might be faced with? We advised her we had to go early for photos and might be staying in the hospitality room overnight. We found a ride for her son, but really??? Sheesh. </p>
<p>I could go on and on… Recently had a large function for my birthday and had similar requests that were a bit much (asking me to find them carpools, and then rejecting the names I offered b/c they didnt know them, and asked for other names), or late cancellations for ridiculous reasons. Like, umm… you had to buy furniture for your new office?? You cancel the morning of the event, when we’ve paid a LOT of money for each of you, and you cancel because you HAD to buy furniture THAT DAY? Really??</p>
<p>I was going to chime in with the same thing that Chedva did, that with Bar/Bat Mitzvahs there is often a gap. We feed them lunch after the service (the Kiddush) and then have dinner at the event. We have a hospitality suite for those guests who just hang out at the hotel.</p>
<p>However, in my area, most people either live here or come from further away than an easy after the event drive. Does that make sense? I think that NYC (is Los Angeles like this as well) is complicated because people live a hour or more outside the city so they are use to driving in for the day, but not spending the night.</p>
<p>While this is not the same issue as the “gap” one, at my wedding, we did all the formal photo portraits prior to the ceremony so that when the ceremony was over, we moved right into the reception, which was at the same location, a synagogue. It was in the evening.</p>
<p>I really like the idea of a hospitality suite. I am making mental note of that. Just being able to have a bathroom available would go a long way toward increasing comfort and decreasing anxiety.</p>
<p>Recommendation- Have friends take care of monitoring the hospitality room to make sure trash is cleared out, there is fresh coffee, ice, enough food/soft drinks, etc. Its a royal pain when its one more thing for the hosts to have to worry about. Oh, the friends should handle the set up and clean up too, if at all possible.</p>
<p>That is a great idea, Jym. Truly excellent advice. When my brother got married back in the dark ages, one of my mother’s friends held an open house for the out of town guests so they could have a place to go on the day. It was such a nice thing to do. Friends often will be happy to help out if asked.</p>
<p>I like the weddings where the bride and groom take the photos BEFORE the ceremony and before the guests get there. The good thing about this is that everyone is looking fresh and unrumpled for the pictures, and there is no waiting after the wedding…</p>
<p>Thanks, zoos. And while I am being a know-it-all (err… the voice of experience…) let me suggest too that they label which food items might be gluten free or might contain nuts (or other allergans), should anyone ask and the people there at the time not know. Helps to minimize trips to the hospital during the weekend. We had one relative who had a problem related to his diabetes and ended up in the ER. No fun.</p>
<p>Not a fan of any gap at wedding or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. </p>
<p>A lot of people now opt for having bar/bat mitzvah at the evening Havdalah service to avoid gap and having to have a luncheon and evening party.</p>
) in decorated cars to announce the wedding is complete…and perhaps partaking in a few adult beverages. The reception actually starts shortly after the ceremony (whether co-located or not) so the guests are able to relax before going if they wish or head straight to the reception where the bar is opened and snacks are provided. Once the wedding party arrives, the food/dancing portion of the reception begins. The arrival time of the wedding party is normally printed on the wedding program timeline so guests who wish to return to their hotel briefly or freshen up know when to head to the reception to not miss the main part. It usually works pretty well, but we grew up in a pretty rural area. Trying the same thing in Manhattan could equate to travelling about 3 blocks in a few hours. :)</p>