<p>Wise words cpt. Particularly with the 24 year old I give my opinion when asked, shut my mouth when not asked and listen/pick up the pieces when things turn out the way I suspected they would.</p>
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<p>One only needs to experience one negative experience with any of the above to taint part/entire undergrad experience.</p>
<p>At my undergrad in the '90s, I saw local townies rudely staring at interracial dating couples, witnessed a female friend being openly catcalled twice by passing cars, and having a few uncomfortable/dangerous incidents of racism directed against myself. While I didn’t experience racist roommates myself, far too many friends/colleagues had into the early '00s. </p>
<p>Heck…there’s been plenty of publicly demonstrated examples of xenophobia, racism, religious tolerance, etc within the last several years…especially during political campaigns. Examples include the anti-Mosque movements, anti-Latino sentiment, visible increase in levels/types of disrespect/threats issued against our current POTUS compared with previous POTUS in my lifetime*, etc. </p>
<p>I.e.: Birthers questioning his native-born US citizenship status.</p>
<p>Even if people are “generally” tolerant in a particular area - orientation, religion, race, etc. when unrelated problems arise between two people, I don’t see it as far fetched that these factors get highlighted, further escalating the situation. Colleges have so much opportunity for students to find others to interact with - forcing everyone to spend the largest part of a day with some random stranger is just plain wrong, especially when someone is prepared to pay for a single.</p>
<p>I’m the mother of a gay son who did have a bad first term roommate situation, at a school most on this board would consider to be very gay-friendly, and changed to a single over winter break. It has been a few years ago as he is now several years into graduate school, but I still think assuming homophobia doesn’t exist in this age group is heteronormative wishful thinking. In my opinion a single is best. However, how does it feel to the student to advise that? It admits and plans for the homophobia. It tells the student he is somehow “different” and can’t just sign up like everyone else for a room. How to get around this I don’t know and I’ve been considering it for a long time now. Maybe it won’t be an issue for our grandchildren.</p>
<p>In the situation you describe I’d try and get my son a single, but if that isn’t allowed rooming with his boyfriend would be preferable to me than a random assignment. In the end, there isn’t a really good answer. Unfortunately.</p>
<p>It’s better, in my opinion, to try and protect at this stage than wait and react if a problem arises. Freshman year is already stressful enough. Best of luck!</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who opined that not a good idea to live with romantic partner in college, especially when new relationship.
However, if that is really what he is set on, I wouldn’t make it a big issue.
But they should both plan for their own space/time at the outset, rather than assume because they get along so well everything will just work itself out.</p>
<p>It’s definitely true that this generation of high schoolers (soon to be college students) are more accepting of LBGT people than previous generations. But unfortunately, despite this there are still many, many homophobic teenagers / young adults. And I can definitely understand the anxiety of a gay student about getting a homophobic roommate. It’s great that “many more people are accepting”, but that is not much comfort for a gay student who loses the Roommate Lottery and ends up with a homophobic roommate. He will still be miserable and stressed out in the place that should be their “home” on campus.</p>
<p>I agree with the idea of asking the LBGT organziation on campus for advice and trying to get a roommate who is explicitly “okay” with a gay roommate, not just hoping they will be okay with one.</p>
<p>Also agree that rooming with a significant other is a terrible idea at that age.</p>
<p>I think it would be a bad idea to cohabit with a romantic partner as 18-year-old freshmen, whether gay or straight. You are expecting a lot of a kid to think he can handle new surroundings, new people, new experiences AND a possible break-up with the lover he is living with, while being expected to go to – and pass – freshman classes. I don’t know too many 18-year-olds (or people a lot older) who could handle that maturely. D broke up with boyfriend of 2 years as a 20-year-old, and despite being the instigator of the breakup, found it traumatic and uncomfortable running into ex on campus for quite a while afterward.</p>
<p>I understand your concern for your son’s well-being, but I think the odds of him being hurt badly are greater if he cohabits with his boyfriend as an incoming freshman than if he “lives” in a single or rooms with someone with whom he is not romantically involved. None of my kids are gay, but I would have said the same thing to them about rooming with a romantic partner as an incoming freshman – and I did say that to them about rooming with a friend from home versus rooming with someone they didn’t know as well.</p>
<p>This is an interesting discussion to me. One thing that occurs to me: most of us, at some time in our lives, will have to deal with a romantic breakup. It is a pretty universal experience and some consider it just a part of growing up. Most of us will not have to deal with the possibility people dislike us because of our sexual orientation.</p>
<p>Definitely, I don’t recommend living with a romantic partner as a freshman and second the idea of speaking with the campus LBGT group for some advice. Son(hetero) will be rooming with a gay friend next year. They decided to be roomies do to similar non-romantic lifestyles. ie early to bed on school nights and respecting each others rights to peace and quiet in the dorm room. Last year son’s roomie(hetero) was a partier and a night owl and even had his girlfriend who went to another college move into the room for the entire finals week. Talk about uncomfortable. Hope all goes well and that your son is blessed with a great roomie!</p>