<p>D is in a triple with two roommates. One seemed a lot like her very studious, etc. Anyway she called to say the other gal said she was gay.
She has since pulled out of the room for that reason.</p>
<p>I guess I am not super comfortable with the situation but my D. says she can handle it. Thoughts?</p>
<p>( when I first posted you were making suggestions on what to bring- I am confused)
quarters are a great idea- I think many schools may use their Id cards for everything though
My daughter has to go outside to the laundry which I am not thrilled about-but I am encouraging her to do with with a buddy- since her apt is actually not physically on campus.</p>
<p>So is your daughter feeling ok about her roommate?
I don’t know if sex is something they ask about- I know they usually ask how late people like to stay up, how noisy, how clean- but not usually how much they will be having their boyfriend over or how much they will be borrowing clothes.
Of course people stretch the truth- those who want to be cleaner may say that they are neat and those whose parents are looking over their shoulder might say that they are studious and early to bed 
When my daughters high school advisor was in college- she had a roommate that smoked but wanted to quit so she said she didn’t smoke. ( the advisor) had to make a lot of noise coming down the hall so the girl would put out her cigarette and open the windows!</p>
<p>To clarify…the one roommate told D. the other gal told her she was gay and the roommate has since pulled out of the room for that reason.</p>
<p>I apologize emerald…I first posted because I was concerned about D. having a gay roommate…then thought better of it and changed the subject to What to bring to school…and wrote about handy things to bring along…BUT it would not let me change the “title” so I went back to my original post as I had GAY ROOMMATE and then a list of things to bring to school in the body of the message.
GEEZ! thats pushing it…saying you dont smoke when you do!</p>
<p>so who remains in the room? Your D + gay roommate? did the nongay roomie leave? Will the former triple remain a double or will it be a threesome again? :)</p>
<p>If your D and her roommate establish normal and customary ground rules for cooperation and mutual respect (and follow the same), there really shouldn’t be much a problem, should there be? I can understand your concerns, but things will probably work out just fine. Try to relax. Don’t worry until there’s something to worry about.</p>
<p>There was an earlier thread about a male student whose prospective roommate was gay. After at first expressing concern, he decided to give it a try. He was not concerned about the roommate coming on to him, more about the roommate’s social life. Many posters mentioned that many potential sources of friction are the same as with heterosexual rommates. Being sexiled is as much an issue with heterosexual as with homosexual roommates.<br>
Your D may find that her roommate’s sexuality is a total non-issue.</p>
<p>Yes D really wanted to room in that dorm and worked hard to get it. </p>
<p>I guess I was so happy to find that the one gal did not drink (which can be a problem on campus) and was super studious and then she pulled out and of course now I dont know who will be put in there.</p>
<p>I am not sure if they will leave it as a double temporarily or fill it when changes are allowed the first couple weeks of school.</p>
<p>I would be a lot more concerned about my daughter having a roommate who smoked than a roommate who was gay:). Seriously, the issue of sexualtiy should not really come up as a major issue unless one of the kids is promiscuous and/or inconsiderate, and that can happen with any sexual preference. I hope everything works out well for your D this year.</p>
<p>Good point mattmom. I guess I was disappointed that the other gal who seemed much like my D. in terms of habits pulled out and now I have to worry about her getting someone who drinks etc.
That I think concerns me the most. Well I have to try and chill…which is very hard for me!</p>
<p>Drinking is going to happen in college dorm, whether incoming roommate already drinks or not. Sometimes best lessons are negative ones, as in what a non-treat to have a roommate who drinks too much, is hungover, etc. </p>
<p>Do read rather extensive post on male going to NYU and concerns about gay roommate. It was in this forum (not NYU) a couple of weeks ago, and it was interesting. </p>
<p>If your daughter is grounded, it will be fine, and if she is not, it will most likely still be fine. “Getting an education” covers a myriad of issues. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Several of D’s scholarships have a clause where you are not allowed to drink. She doesnt drink so this is not a concern…but what if you are in with a roommate who does…? And what if that roommate tried to keep beer in the room. I guess I just dont want her to be in that position…</p>
<p>OK OK I am getting ahead of myself.</p>
<p>Last year however, I was stunned when we were moving her out to hear a college student in another dorm room offer her dad a beer! He said what are you doing with that and she said oh she liked to keep a few on hand. My D. had said the girls in that room drank but geez…</p>
<p>Why on earth do you care about the sexuality of your daughter’s roommate? Because she might kiss a girl in front of your daughter? There’s no evidence that will influence your daughter’s sexual preference. </p>
<p>Really, would you mind if your daughter’s roommate were Republican? Democrat? Black? Asian? Canadian? Straight? French? Pink-haired? Pierced? Tattooed? Where are you going to draw the line about what to worry about?</p>
<p>I am definitely not worried about my daughters sexual preference being influenced, she likes guys and thats that…No gay is going to change her mind about that.</p>
<p>Its a matter of being in with another student that may: be attracted to her and thus make things difficult as they are in the same room…or have lots of friends that are gay and give D. a gay reputation ie being lumped in same group…sorry but that bothers me…c. no I am not fond of my D. seeing women kiss each other either as I dont think she would enjoy the experience or be comfortable with it.</p>
<p>I don’t think lesbians actually have sex- at least that seems to be a standing joke in the GLBT community</p>
<p>I am not comfortable with anyone getting overly demonstrative in public and as far as I am concerned when there is third party in the room, that is public. I dont wanna see exchange of body fluids- I don’t wanna see groping, I don’t wanna see you jump on the couch. It doesn’t matter if your sig other is Jude Law or Angelina Jolie ( I would however pay money to see Jude and Angelina exchange body fluids on the big screen- well maybe not Anglina but Cold Mountain had a great love scene)
Anyway- I would suggest that if your daughter is uncomfortable- that she and her dorm mates have a talk about what sort of public behavior they want to see from each other. Boundaries are important- but gays aren’t any more likely to cross them than anyone else.</p>
<p>When I was single I worked with a lesbian couple. They tried to fix me up with some of their straight male friends(they were terrible match makers) and I socialized with them lots. Ahh the yummy margaritas at the “Happy Hour” bar. I never had a problem with any of their female friends making me uncomfortable. I agree with Ekity-talk with room mates about behavior.</p>
<p>angst, I also have lived/worked with many gay women and never had anyone make any sort of advance toward me. No one likes to be rejected, so it is actually very rare for gays to make advances of any sort toward individuals they know to be heterosexual. </p>
<p>There actually is an advantage to a gay roommate: your d. does not have to worry about having her roommate’s boyfriend becoming a permanent live-in guest. At least if the gay roomie has her significant other hanging around, your d. won’t have to hide in the closet to dress or undress. So unless your d. would prefer to have guys hanging out in her bedroom, all should be fine.</p>
<p>And of course, there’s no guarantee that <em>either</em> of them will have “significant others” they’d be bringing back to their room – and your D’s roommate might be just as uncomfortable watching a hetero couple make out as your D might be with a same-sex couple, but not feel as empowered to say so.</p>
<p>Any roommates should have an early talk about what behavior they each feel comfortable with or will tolerate in their room when they’re around. That should happen regardless of their sexual orientations, I think. </p>
<p>Oh yeah, and don’t make the mistake of assuming that all female friends of a lesbian are themselves lesbians. That would be silly and just plain untrue. Rise above the stereotypes.</p>
<p>I’d rather room with a gay person than with someone who’d leave a rom solely because a roommate was gay (and no, I’m not)</p>
<p>Right on, eireann.</p>