<p>“I do, however, believe that in our society/culture and in our lifetime, it unfortunately, has been and will be the responsibility of any minority (not just homosexuals) to do what they need to do to either gain acceptance or rise above it.”</p>
<p>In your opinion what do homosexuals “need to do to either gain acceptance”?</p>
<p>“Any campus that harrasses the gay community in any way or makes them feel unwelcome would, in my opinion, be considered a non gay-friendly school.”</p>
<p>I am pretty sure that being aware a roommate has decided to bail because he/she has discovered, before meeting you, that you are gay would make most members of the gay community feel unwelcome. Is a school where someone is allowed to change rooms because of discomfort with a gay roommate a non gay-friendly school?</p>
<p>Ahl, several posts back I felt as though you were trying to pin me into a corner with all of your questions and perhaps even try to make me look stupid. </p>
<p>"In your opinion what do homosexuals “need to do to either gain acceptance”?</p>
<p>I accept homosexuals…I can’t speak to what they would need to do to gain the acceptance of others. You would need to ask the people who are not accepting.</p>
<p>“Is a school where someone is allowed to change rooms because of discomfort with a gay roommate a non gay-friendly school?”</p>
<p>No, it is a school that does not want to force people to live together that don’t feel comfortable doing so.</p>
<p>Everything isn’t about gayness. I would expect the school to permit a room change for any reason as long as at least one of the roommates feels either threatened or uncomfortable with the living situation.</p>
<p>I think I’ve said all I care to on this subject. For your son’s benefit, I think you should be picking the brains of gay students on the campuses…not mine. I’m sure he’ll get better advice on how to live/cope with his situation.
Best to you and him.</p>
<p>Columbiamom: I am not trying to embarrass you or make make you look stupid. And please accept my apologies if I have made you uncomfortable. You are right: “Everything isn’t about gayness.” Not being hurtful to people regardless of the situation is very important, even if we have very different opinions. As I said first thing this morning, I am doing my very best to respect your opinions and understand your views. But you have had a lot to say about what is and isn’t gay-friendly (or homophobic) behavior. I just want you to take a minute and really think about exactly what you are saying.</p>
<p>yes I would say that a school that allowed a student to transfer rooms soley based on their roommate being GLBT as a school where gays could expect to have further discrimination against themselves.</p>
<p>My daughters school has co-ed bathrooms except for buildings that are also used by the public. Never had a problem with it, and I was comfortable having her 11 yr old sister stay with her.</p>
<p>I don’t beleive that they place roomates with an opposite sex student freshman year, however after freshman year you can ask for whomever you want to room with.
While my daughter has had a single for 3 years in regular dorms, this year as a senior she has one of the college apartments where she is living with a young man who I believe is straight.
I see that other schools are considering or have implemented more gender neutral policies.
<a href=“http://www.transgenderlaw.org/college/[/url]”>http://www.transgenderlaw.org/college/</a></p>
<p>I would expect the school to permit a change if the situation was unsafe- however it would be up to the student to prove that.
Other than that- I haven’t heard of any school outside of BYU or perhaps Bob Jones who would permit a change just because of someones race/religion/sexual orientation.
It isn’t the responsibility of the gay student to educate the masses about homosexuality.
My daughter for example- has learning disabilties- and ADD. She is first generation college, majoring in a very rigourous discipline in one of the toughest schools in the country. She really has more than enough on her plate to then take on educating her dormmates as to what is GLBT and how to “act” around them.
No not every student at BYU is straight.
In “Out and About around campus” a student who hoped that he would be able to change into a typical Mormon by attending BYU, was not out, but his true self was apparently not as well hidden as he thought and he was targeted for harrasment by fellow students.
Probably not the best idea to attend BYU in the first place- but this student was trying to do what he felt he had to. </p>
<p>Many colleges do have fairly enlightened populations, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who attends has the same degree of comfort.
However- aren’t we spending the big bucks so that they become better people by growing and learning?
What kind of message would we be sending them if we advocated that they change roommates before they know anything about them besides that they are “gay”? One of my daughters best friends is from a rural minority-free town where she attended Catholic schools and listened to country music. If she just went by preconcived ideas about someone who met that description- she would have missed out on a great friend!</p>
<p>I just want you to take a minute and really think about exactly what you are saying.</p>
<p>I thought you were looking for advice for your son…not trying to teach me some sort of lesson. </p>
<p>I think your time would be better spent trying to help your son and not trying to convert me or anybody else into seeing things exactly the way you do. If this is what you’re teaching your son, I guarantee you he’s in for a very hard time no matter where he goes.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the many posts here but typically our children are far more accepting of gay students that we old foggies are, with a “whatever floats your boat” attitude.</p>
<p>I suspect that this attitude would carry over to a roommate issue for most students too. Certainly there could be conflict arrising from this, but conflicts arise between roommates for many reasons.</p>
<p>Unless the student is seriously homophobic, I suggest letting the room assignment be and let him get on with his frosh year. It may even be more interesting that way.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine sending my kid to a school that accepted “my roomate is gay” as a justification for switching rooms any more than “my roomate is roman catholic” It’s 2005 and it is time for our country to move on from our homophobic past. This type of discrimination doesn’t belong in any institution of higher learning.</p>
<p>Columbiamom: again I apologize for putting you in an awkward position. I am not trying to convert you. I am trying to understand how you think and feel and be respectful of your opinions, which obviously are different than my own. I am sure from your posts that you are very well-meaning and don’t want to cause anyone pain. I don’t want to cause you any pain. I am sure you are an excellent mother and absolutely believe: “I’m a mom just like you and have tried to raise my children with tolerance and respect for others” My best guess is that your children are wonderful young people. Your advice to me on my child-- to be sure and pick a gay-friendly college-- is excellent advice. And I agree with your definition of a gay-friendly college being one where the gay community is not made to feel unwelcome. And I also agree with you that gay students and uncomfortable-with-gay students shouldn’t be forced to share rooms. But how are we going to make a gay student feel welcome at a school where it is possible to change rooms because of fear or discomfort? It’s a bit of a dilemma, right?</p>
<p>I know this is a fairly old post, but I had to make a quick comment… My son is gay and will be going off to college next year… He would make an EXCELLENT roommate for any heterosexual guy because he always has a gaggle of gorgeous girls as platonic friends around him (he truly is a “chick magnet” haha)… So basically, he’d be introducing his roomates to some great girls, while remaining no threat!!</p>
<p>lelalellen:
I’m sure your son has many other good points besides being a chick magnet too! I hope he gets a great roomate. I know there are lots of kids out there who would appreciate a good roomate, gay or straight.</p>
<p>Oh weenie… of course he does!! He will be loved or hated by his fellow roommates based on his personality and character - not based on his sexual preference!!</p>
<p>I am straight female, and had a gay roomate-friend for 2 years in college.
I had attended private all-girls hs in NJ and then, a catholic university…1979-1983.<br>
When “Gina” & I first became friends, I learned that we were much more alike than I had initally thought. She was 18, going away to college, new to the area and had just had a romantic break-up. I was going through the same thing.<br>
I am 48 years old, and, my former roomate and I are still friends. She was in my wedding in 1990!!<br>
This is a good chance for your daughter to meet someone outside of her normal friend-realm.
If you are comfortable in your own skin, you shouldn’t have a problem with a gay roomate.<br>
Well…good luck!! :)</p>
<p>You can’t “change someone’s mind” about their sexuality. Either they’re straight, they’re gay/bisexual, or they’re in denial.</p>
<p>Anyway, as a response:
your daughter will be fine. She won’t be “lumped” into a category. Most people are smart enough to recognize the difference between “the lesbian roommate and her friends” and “the straight roommate”. Also, simply because someone is gay doesn’t mean every one of their friends is gay. In addition, simply because the roommate is gay does NOT mean she’ll be attracted to your daughter.</p>
<p>What your daughter and her roommate need to do is set respectful boundaries. “I’ll make sure to keep any physical affection down to moderate kissing and cuddling provided you do the same”, “I will not drink/smoke in our room”, and “I will be sure to text you if I would like to request you not return to the room for a little while” should be fine.</p>
<p>Exactly, dragonmom! I was surprised to see this thread up on the first page again. Angstridden hasn’t been around for a while. I’m hoping that she’s been able to rid herself of so much angst after all these years. :)</p>
<p>If a gay roommate thread were going to be bumped up I wish it had been one of those from last year which started with the same sort of original post/query but in about half a page was almost entirely a bunch of concerned friends and parents of gay kids arguing over which colleges were appropriately gay-friendly enough.</p>