<p>Columbia Mom, I hear ya and can appreciate your different perspective. I do not think when two people are put together as roommates or in a class as lab partners or in any situation, that one is forcing themself on another. I think that both people need to enter the situation in an “accepting manner” and not prejudging. Perhaps prejudging is natural to some extent, based on experiences, but the tolerant thing to do is to give the person a chance to get to know them before thinking “I could never be friends, live with, collaborate with, talk with, etc.” While there might be a tendency for some to do that out of fear and experience, I think colleges, for example, are places that try to teach and encourage one to not prejudge or go by stereotypes, and to be more accepting of diversity. </p>
<p>I am glad you brought up the Jewish example. We are Jewish, so I can speak from that perspective. I would be very bothered if another kid did not want to room with (or other things) my child because she is Jewish and flat out rejected the idea based on her “identity”. That would really bother me. My kids have grown up in a community and schools where they are amongst just a few in the entire school who are Jewish. They have been accepted for the most part. There are people here who have never known another Jewish person. Questions abound. Insensitivities come up. Holiday time is difficult when everyone assumes we are celebrating as they do and the schools put my kids in uncomfortable situations where they try to stand up and raise awareness that no, we are not worshipping as they are and so forth. I won’t bore you with the examples that have happened over the years at school no less, who should KNOW better, that have been disconcerting. But anyway, it would be hard to take to have a potential roomie flat out reject rooming with my kid due to her religion. When you recalled your friendship with this other girl back in your college days, you said you had changed her perception (which I agree is great) of Jewish people, but not by “forcing” yourself on her. But you see, I don’t think when two people have to live together or work together, one is forcing themself on the other. They are put into a situation (say random roomie assignment, or co-worker in an office) and HAVE to let it “happen” as you say…that is the nature of being a tolerant person…letting it happen, not prejudging. These situations are ones that do force people to let go of stereotypes and judge based on experiences. But one person is not forcing themselves on the other. The situation might be “forced” by CIRCUMSTANCES. Let’s hope mature people can rise to the occasion. I think colleges encourage that and hope to teach that in building diverse student bodies and rooming and dorm life is a facet of that challenge. </p>
<p>In a previous job that I held as an elementary school teacher, a special educator, an older man, joined the staff one year. Right off the bat in the school year, he made a remark to me using an offensive word to refer to me, solely on the fact that I was a Jewish woman, based on stereotype and not on any experiences we had shared yet, and I chose to report it because we cannot allow this type of thing in the workplace or school. Indeed, the superintendent was aghast and this person was disciplined in his permanent file. It made for a very uncomfortable situation. </p>
<p>I realize there are MANY people who are prejudicial and have stereotype notions and fears and beliefs, but we all have to raise awareness one person at a time so that we break down those barriers. I am not saying a person should force themselves on anyone else. Of course not. But situations that are forced will occur and let’s hope that people attempt to work it out. Colleges are one place that espouse that school of thought, to my knowledge. That is why I can’t imagine a college saying, BEFORE the student moves in, “oh, you don’t want a gay roomie? a Jewish roomie? A born again Christian? An African American?, Sure, we’ll change you right away.” I EXPECT them to say, we want you to try it out and make the best of the situation and learn to get to know the person first. </p>
<p>Susan</p>