generous gesture thread

Parent Cafe
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<p>westcoastmomof2 --that story made me cry.</p>

<p>When our oldest was little, we starting having one night of Hanukah where we gave instead of received. We continue that. We participate in a local radio host’s massive toy drive for kids in foster care. The radio host is always at the Wal Mart and we go and pick out kids who are the same gender and age as they are. Now that the oldest are 18+, we just look for the oldest kids, because they are often overlooked.</p>

<p>I have a neighbor who is having cancer treatments and I try my best to cook one meal every other week or so for them. </p>

<p>I am giving to people this year, like the guards at the school, who are often overlooked. </p>

<p>Finally, a few years ago one of my closest friends died. I spent the week after organizing Shiva at her home and cleaning up afterwards. Some of my friends fed my family while I was caring for hers. I cannot tell you how touched I was by this gesture and how much it meant to me at the time.</p>

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<p>westcoastmomof2 - I am also tearing up. Very sweet.
The grocery store I shop at is near a Dollar Store. I keep an envelope with one dollar bills in my bag. I park so I can walk by the Dollar Store on my way to the grocery store. There are always moms/dads with a lot of young kids going in to shop - I give each kid a dollar (and a dime for tax) and they are always so excited. Our church adopts about fifty families each year. This year we were able to provide new bedding for one family - parents and their four children. (I used some of those great Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons I collected when S was getting ready for college.) :slight_smile:
I’m getting lots of good ideas here. Thanks!</p>

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<p>Like zoos, I try to help throughout the year, not just at the holidays. My family is big into volunteering. I just recently arranged to volunteer on a regular basis-- am going to be helping underprivileged kids with… the college application process! Its going to be fun!</p>

<p>Something thats minor but appreciated- a friends son is stationed in Korea. His young wife and new baby are living nearby. She is BIG couponer (as in she can go shopping with coupons and spend nothing). Every Monday I leave an envelope in the mailbox for her with all the coupons from the weekend papers. She comes by and picks them up. Well, like someone above (sorry, I forget who), we had our mailbox knocked over by a carpet cleaner guy. I rode with him to the local Home Depot, let the carpet guy pay the very minimum for a basic mailbox and post-- and I paid the extra to get a mailbox that has a lower compartment below the regular box (for newspapers and such) where I can leave the weekly coupons!! So she has her own very special coupon slot :)</p>

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<p>I am also loving this post:)</p>

<p>A few years ago our D’s good male friend from HS let us know that his Dad had a brain tumor. I had never met the mom and had met the dad one time and he and I had a mild argument about college choices. Our D and this friend were both in college on the east coast, not the same states. Another HS mom and I and my grade school and then high school S delivered a meal a week for 18 months. We had a system with coolers and dishes. In the end we have become friends with his mom and sister. S and I visited the hospice center a number of times. We drove 1 hour round trip once a week to deliver food for those 18 months. The guy who was just a good friend of my D has become a close friend of mine and we have fun with his mom and sister a couple of times a year.
When we entered that giving we had no idea that it would go on so long but never regretted the time or money. That said, I did enjoy the fact that they loved my food.
Hope that does not undue my good gesture…</p>

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<p>The sustained good you did to that family certainly created a wonderful bond. I’m sure they were more grateful than they could say for your friendship and meals. I have cooked a large pot of hearty soup or stew for new moms, as it was one of the things I really appreciated when I had a new baby and no energy to cook hearty dishes. Also made a roast for a neighbor who was very ill, to feed her and her family, with leftovers.</p>

<p>Cooking for someone who appreciates it is good for the giver AND recipient. It can be tricky if you aren’t too close to the family and aren’t sure of their tastes or how much space they have to store food and leftovers.</p>

<p>One of my relatives has a neighbor whose D has a very bad case of meningitis, that has required numerous amputations. The relative has prepared many meals and delivered them to the neighbor over the months. It’s an awful situation. Another relative had a neighbor who would often prepare a large home made meal that she’d deliver soon after the relative and her family returned from a trip–the relative was grateful but felt a bit awkward for such generosity.</p>

<p>I know I appreciate gifts of food, especially from great cooks. ;)</p>

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<p>teriwitt,
"I have family members who put themselves through medical school "
-Not possible without taking loans. Cannot work after spending 14+ on school work every day (and sometime round the clock, I mean 24 hrs straignt with very little food/water). Loans is exactly what we do not want our D. to have. Not even because of her but thinking about her own future kids and how their lives will be affected by D’s loans. I have talked to many parents who are MD’d themselves. They would do anything to avoid thier kids having student loans.<br>
Putting themselves thru Med. School is NOT possible, putting themselves thru Med. School taking government loans is what most do (I heard about 75%). These loans may reach $300k and $150k is on a lower side. I do not know a single WORKING Med. student, I know many of them in several Med. Schools. i guess, your family members belong to a rare group that do not need ANY sleep at all. I envy them, think how much could be accomplished in your life if you do not sleep. Your family must have some rare and very valuable genetic condition, good for you!
“Only on CC can a thread about generous gestures turn controversial” - very funny coming from a person who did it. You made my day, LOL!!! Great sense of humor!</p>

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<p>[Fortney:</a> Lotto winners say giving away millions ?feels so good?](<a href=“Home | Calgary Herald”>Home | Calgary Herald)</p>

<p>To get this discussion back to generosity!</p>

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<p>Why do I keep thinking of intended acts of generosity that went wrong? One December H was prepared to pay our twice a month cleaning lady a sizable bonus…but when he came home, she had broken something antique and irreplaceable. She offered to pay for it but H said no - but didn’t give her the bonus. I don’t know what I would have done under the circumstances, but I understand how awkward the situation was.</p>

<p>Is anyone else haunted by the nice things they DIDN’T do? I am a kind, generous person, but I can’t forget the two times I could/should? have done something but didn’t.</p>

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<p>MiamiDAP, you still don’t seem to understand what this thread is about.</p>

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<p>Maybe they did take out loans, Miami. In fact, that’s probably likely. She never said they didn’t. Probably a combination of loans and work. But the expense/debt was theirs, and the responsibility to pay it back was theirs. They didn’t have mommy and daddy to foot the bill for them. That is a luxury. Your daughter is lucky. She is not an impoverished person in need. There are those posters here who “claim” to be poor but in fact have lots of money and discretionary income, which is an affront to those posters who really are poor. This is sounding like that. You are fortunate to be able to pay for her education (since yes, we <em>know</em> you didnt have to for undergrad). This thread is about helping others, often people we don’t know, showing the holiday spirit and the kindness of strangers. Lets keep this thread about that. Its a charming discussion. Buy someone a donut. It will make you feel good.</p>

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<p>

Jym, this is a wonderful idea and something I never would have thought of (despite my presence here, but we all know I’m not too bright!). Some of the kids I’ve been helping learn to read (or their parents were my students) are getting to that age and I might be able to offer at least some logistical advice. Definitely something to be aware of. Thank you.</p>

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<p>My kind gesture of the morning is to bite my tongue. ;)</p>

<p>I am mulling over the possibility of volunteering for a blood bank. I wouldn’t be acting as an RN, but I think I could help in other ways.</p>

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<p>It will be fun, and an ability to use these skills, zoos.
I am going to share a true story that shows how some of the posters here “get” what this thread is about. Several years go S#1 ran into travel problems en route to a business meeting, missed his connection and had to fly to a city and then arrange to take a train or a bus. I started a thread asking for assistance in understanding the train options to get him where he needed to go. A poster I’d never met IRL not only provided info on the trains, the schedule and how to get from the airport to the train station, she offered to pick my s up and DRIVE him to the other city-- which was in a neighboring state!! That was such an incredibly kind offer. He ended up taking the train, but that kind offer has never been forgotten… Thank you, teriwtt.</p>

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<p>Twelve years ago, I was a newly divorced mom, very sick with Crohn’s Disease (undiagnosed at the time of the story). My kids were 5 and 7 and I was working full time. For six months, I had subsisted on popsicles, jello and Gatorade because anything else gave me excruciating pain. I had lost 65 pounds in that time period. I was weak, exhausted, in pain most of the time and trying to make a living and raise my children. I wasn’t even sure I was going to live because they hadn’t figured out what was wrong with me. I was also adjusting to living on one income instead of two so things were very tight financially.</p>

<p>I was at the grocery store with both kids, after picking them up from latch key, to pick up a few things for dinner that night. My son saw the Hallmark Kissy Bears display which said “Free with the purchase of three cards.” My son said, “Can we get these? They are free!” At age 5, he couldn’t read all the words, but he knew he saw “FREE”. I sadly explained that we had to buy three cards to get one free and we didn’t need three cards, nor did we have the money for three cards. And then we’d only get one of the bears, not both. There was a woman near us who heard the conversation. My son was sad, but he accepted what I said.</p>

<p>We checked out, went to the car and both kids got in the car while I loaded groceries into the back of the car. The woman who had overheard the earlier conversation came up to me and thrust a bag into my hand and said “Merry Christmas”. She had gotten the Kissy Bears and gave them to us. I instantly teared up and said Thank You. I got in the car, crying, and my daughter said “what’s wrong?” and I said “Nothing is wrong. We have a Christmas Angel” and I showed the kids the bears, telling them the woman gave them to us. My daughter said “Why are you crying momma? That was a really nice thing to do.” And I said “These are tears of joy, sweetie.” </p>

<p>This woman couldn’t know what I’d been through that year… the divorce, buying a house, my illness. She just knew she saw a tired mom who couldn’t afford those bears for her kids. She had no idea that her random act of kindness was so much more than just giving someone a couple bears she got for free. </p>

<p>Each year, as we put the Kissy Bears on the fireplace hearth, I tear up again, thinking about how that woman made such a difference in THREE lives. We remember the story each year and I believe her small action helped to make my children the thoughtful young adults they are today. I wish I could thank her again and again, but the only way I can do this is by doing similar random acts of kindness.</p>

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<p>^^^^^Very sweet story and illustrates that you don’t have to completely solve someone’s problems to make a big impact. :)</p>

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<p>No, you really don’t. Things felt very bleak that year and the small gesture really affected me in ways I can’t describe. I really felt like it was a sign that things would get better and there was hope for the future. That if there was a total stranger who cared, then there MUST be hope. That perhaps it was God’s way of letting me know things were going to be ok. I was so scared and depressed that year. That little act just meant so incredibly much to me. I really wish that woman could know how much. I’ve posted that story on my Facebook, kind of hoping it would get back to her somehow, through the idea of 6 degrees- maybe she’d told someone I know about her little random act, but I suspect she’s the kind of person that wouldn’t advertise it either.</p>

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<p>2016BarnardMom, thank you for that special story. I may have to go watch the Chain of Love video again to recover. :)</p>

<p>Oregon, I am a great cook, if I do say so myself. This year I cooked for a friend who was recovering from a bout with bowel surgeries and peritonitis that almost killed her, literally. She is a really good cook, too, and appreciates food. I loved being able to bring her some great meals that she really enjoyed despite her incredibly weak state. Feeding people is always a pleasure. It is even better when you know they really enjoy the food. :)</p>

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<p>2016Barnardmom-I love that you had that Christmas angel! and I am inspired to be on the lookout for an opportunity to give in a similar manner this holiday season</p>

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<p>Lovely story, Consolation - nice of you to provide those favors for her.</p>

<p>Miami, it is weird beyond belief that you don’t think that $10 or $20 could make a meaningful difference to someone. The cabbie I was talking about was an immigrant from Syria. He was clearly working very many hours, trying to learn a language that was foreign to him, and was very proud of his children who were working hard in school and helping him become more proficient in English. Of <em>course</em> the few dollars extra I gave him meant a lot. It might have meant another meal on the table, or the ability to keep the heat going and not have to wear coats in the house. How arrogant not to realize that not everyone is as fortunate as you in being able to pay for your child’s medical school, or to be so out of touch with reality that you don’t get that to some people, $10 and $20 <em>does</em> make a difference.</p>

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<p>My mother helps her church put together Christmas food boxes (all the “fixins” for Christmas dinner). She has always been upset that they refuse to add any sweets - not even a bag of candy - to the box. A gift of $10, or even $5, would allow a family that received a box like that to add some candy (or a bag of apples) to their holidays.</p>