You can always say you thought you could make it work (explains why you didn’t say earlier) but realize you just can’t. It gives them time to find another to fill the spot if they wish.
You know, the stock market performance of the past 6 months has made it such that anyone who might have previously wanted to go might have a reason to rethink it. Use that as your reason. Tell them given the current market environment it wouldn’t be a prudent thing to do financially and you don’t want to cramp their style or otherwise curtail their wonderful plans. That they should plan without you and you look forward to hearing all about it.
Just make sure you tell them both reasons for why you’re not coming: (1) Budget, and (2) Too much gourmet food for your comfort. If you only give them #1, people will offer to help.
I don’t think you need to give people reasons unless you want them to try and change your mind. If my friend said “I’m not going to be able to make it” I’d say “are you ok?” and she’d say “yes” and I’d leave it at that. Or she’d say “no” and tell me what’s wrong, but I feel like making all this stuff up and giving people reasons or excuses just puts the OP farther from what she wants, which is not to go and to have her friends be ok with it.
Personally, I would not bring up the “too much gourmet food for your comfort” thing. To me, you run the risk of coming across as judging their indulgence IMO.
There is no shame in not being as rich as your friends. And if they make you feel ashamed, they’re not exactly friends. Just tell them that once you looked at the final itinerary, you realized it was well beyond your price range. That’s it. You simply cannot afford to go without compromising your future. Period.
Pride is a horrible reason to suffer through a vacation you don’t want and may have to go into debt for!
^^^I just don’t want her to be in the awkward position of being offered financial assistance but still not wanting to go. That’s why I thought stating both reasons would be useful. She doesn’t have to sound judgmental when she explains there’s too much gourmet food for her comfort; she means, I believe, that physically she would not be able to handle so much rich food in such a short time.
“That’s ridiculous. No adult is going to not be friends with someone because they aren’t joining them on a trip.”—ummmm yeah they will.many people will interpret it as “oh your to good for us” or something along those lines.I do not know the op or her friends but i would put money on that happening with a lot of people.
OP, is there one person in this group that you can reach out to and share your true/honest feelings? Tell her that when all things are put together (price+ Food + excursions (or lack of!) that this trip is just not a good fit for you. And tell her how awkward it is to bow out now, but that you know you must. Maybe she could be your “advocate” in sharing with the rest of the group - or at least supporting your decision.
“oh your to good for us” or something along those lines.I do not know the op or her friends but i would put money on that happening."
So, IYO, saying she cannot afford the expense of this trip they will think she is too good for them? That is bizarre.
I would state it as you have decided not to go, mostly for budget reasons. And I would state that you feel bad because you know they adjusted the schedule for you, and you are sorry about that. I would not explain about the food & drink – I see your point that if you are going to spring for this, you want to see and do the things that interest you – but they may feel judged. I would politely but firmly turn down any offers of financial assistance (“no, I’m sorry, I can’t accept that”). If truly pressed, you could demurely say that there are also health reasons you can’t go, and don’t elaborate on what those are even if they quiz you.
I agree to start with one person you feel comfortable with, who’s least likely to be judgmental. The group doesn’t want to think there’s something wrong with their ideas, but it’s a huge plan, all that eating. (I can’t imagine they’ll enjoy all that eating- the professionals space it out and don’t eat full meals multiple times in a week, certainly not lunch and dinner and not days in a row. They just make it look like they do, on tv or in reports.) Maybe, “Now that you’ve fleshed out the plan, I can’t manage that much. I thought we’d do one or two highlight meals and stay simple for the rest, write in some down time to visit a museum and just grab a panini.” Or, “You now I’m the amateur here.” Or maybe you mention your latest cholesterol report.
The problem with giving people multiple reasons for why you’re not doing something is that some people see that as an opening for negotiation. When someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, you don’t owe them an explanation for your refusal. Just say, “sorry, no.” If they press for a reason just keep telling them that you can’t do it. People who keep pressing you are either clueless or care more about what they want than what you want. I have no problem telling those people that I just don’t want to do it.
Your friends don’t sound like that. They’ve already made changes for you, so I’d just tell them you’d love to join them but you can’t make it. I’d mention that it’s out of your price range so that they might consider costs when you all get together at home. They may be moved to offer solutions so that you can go, but if they do just keep saying that you can’t make it and change the subject. I don’t think they’ll be offended. They might actually be relieved that they don’t have to consider finances. Have you made any deposits yet? If so, I’d pay attention to cancellation dates. The sooner you tell them, the better, so they have time to make adjustments to their plans.
Thanks everyone; this is all very useful advice. Really appreciate the responses. It has changed my perspective somewhat because I was originally inclined to focus on the food and drink schedule and not the budget because money is kind of a taboo subject with this group but I’m coming around to the majority view. To not give a reason at all seems a little too cold.
My closest friend is the guy in charge of the group and the trip; I was just planning to tell him and then will break the news to others at the next dinner. The food excuse may work with him because his wife stopped coming to our dinners years ago because she doesn’t like rich food and she’s not going on the trip.
He’s one of these people who has never met an obstacle he can’t overcome and once he’s gotten an idea in his head it is hard to shake. But several other people in the group have managed to decline and make it stick so I should be able to do so.
I agree with everybody else, just state plainly the trip turned out to be out of your budget and not really your type of thing anyway. But I honestly don’t think it has to be a big deal. Just call the main organizer in private and tell them directly, then let word of mouth handle the rest. It’s not like you’re going to hit “reply all” and start a huge email chain debate about your reasons for not going. They’re having fun planning a 5-start foodie trip, they’re not going to dwell on why one member of the group declined to go.
some people read between the lines, even if what is between the lines is not really there. people take offense to many things and take many things very personally. this is psychology 101. if OP was not concerned with offending or losing friends from the situation I doubt they would have posted the question… they could just tell the group…love you guys just not joining in on this trip. backing out of an international trip with a group of friends can surely trigger resentment or hurt feelings. it is not a bizarre or out there thing.
I would go in your place. 
(If I could afford it and my cholesterol count could, too)
You’ve gotten good advice here. Act quickly. You’ll feel so much better.
This caught my attention as a possible “out.” You could parlay that into “this trip sounds fabulous but it is one for the serious connoisseur of wine. At my experience level I am going to pass this time.” Basically just say you would rather save that type of experience for a later time when you would get more out of it. I would not feel any obligation to divulge details of my finances.
And I am totally with you on the food issue. I love high quality food but there is absolutely no way I could do meals of that magnitude for 5 straight days. And if they are going where I think they are going, I am betting they will not be able to do it either. Very rich cuisine with cheeses and heavy desserts. One needs 2 days of salad and fruit to recover from just one of those meals.
Not to mention that we’ve occasionally done the fancy lunch instead of dinner and were finishing up dessert at 4 pm or so - no way we’d have gone from there to dinner!