The problem with using arguments such as “I’m not into wines as much as you are” or “I can’t eat so much” is that the group can easily say, “no problem, we don’t mind.” And you’re still in your same predicament of needing to get out of the trip.
By being honest and saying “I simply can’t afford it” leaves the group only two options: accepting your reason – or paying for you. And if the latter happens, I’d go in a NY minute 
I agree with the other posters, honesty is always the best and I can see how trips like this snowball into a bigger more expensive plan than what might have been discussed. It is not so dissimilar to the discussions your kids might have about going out for dinner to celebrate a friend’s birthday or special event. There is a big difference between the junior law firm associates and investment banker types and the starving artist/entry level job types as well as the destination bachelor party/bachelorette gatherings and destination weddings.
“Guys, now with the schedule beginnig to crystallize, I did some math and realized that it will not be monetarily feasible for me to join you. With a big check for my kid’s tuition I will have to write soon, the trip costs will put me way over the budget. Sorry I will not be able to come.”
And maybe even “Yeah, I feel especially bad that I just figured it out after causing rescheduling earlier.”
I’m sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you, but I’m not able to make the trip after all.
We had a similar thing only with family and we just said, “Sorry, it just doesn’t work for us.” You really don’t need to explain unless you want to. I actually use those words for many situations. Be honest and then wish everyone a good time.
Yes, giving too many reasons or excuses just makes things messier. Just “Sorry, it won’t work for me.” Is honest and clean. Don’t dither and don’t take your time letting them know, so they can figure out their “numbers” and if they need to find another person(s) to make their group the size they desire.
It will be a short few minutes of awkwardness when you originally say you can’t go and a WHOLE LOT of relief once you’ve done it. Get the shot over with. 
This is a rare thread with consensus–tell them asap and move on. Don’t give a ton of reasons, just “sorry, can’t.” Good luck!
How are these folks disadvantaged if you dont go? Reservations change to 1 less–are they incurring costs? Seems that any costs will be on you if there are penalties for cancellation.
That being said–be honest. Tell the truth. Too much food, too much wine, too much money–all spell no for you. You dont have to say anything else.
Those people are poison to be friends with-usually you can tell who they are before they manage to worm their way into your social circle, though. Every now and then you get one, though. Drama and gossip, gossip and drama…
My parents went on vacation with friends once to London and the plan was to go to Wimbeldon – until they got there and my dad realized the tickets were $500 for one person for matches – he told his friends 'no thanks, that is too much money, we will do something else today", and they did. Friendship survived, too. (I don’t know the details and assume the friends were not stiffed for the tickets). Just saying that at least some friendships survive this type of admission that something is too expensive. And as we all know from out here on CC, those friends might be spending more than they can afford and they just aren’t showing it! Don’t feel bad about being the one to admit it.
If you hadn’t had them to reschedule I’d say just say you are not coming. Nothing else necessary. I do think you owe them some explanation now though because you asked to change the schedule. Just explain that you have his realized this trip won’t work for your budget but are very sorry that you didn’t realize this before asking to reschedule.
“If you hadn’t had them to reschedule I’d say just say you are not coming. Nothing else necessary. I do think you owe them some explanation now though because you asked to change the schedule. Just explain that you have his realized this trip won’t work for your budget but are very sorry that you didn’t realize this before asking to reschedule”
Exactly! Perfect. I wouldn’t have too much angst over this, this isn’t how you want to spend your money. Think, you could probably go on 2-3 trips to Europe at this price, and do what you actually want, at sometime in the future. Don’t worry about it, be appreciative for their flexibility, and it will be fine!!
These aren’t acquaintances OP has dinner with once in a blue moon. It’s not so easy to just say no thanks when you’ve been dining monthly for ten years. The friendships require a little more than a straight “can’t.” Especially for a big deal plan. It’s not a one-up request like drinks after work.
If you don’t want to make it about cost then find another reason they can understand. Eg.I love our dinners, but now that the plans are gelling , it’s more elaborate than I can manage. I don’t want you to make changes just for me. I’m sorry but…
Ten years back I got out of a similar trip. A group of six friends who decided what a great time we would have with the “alpha” friends wine expertise and my knowledge of Italian art and language. As the trip plans morphed with wine boy at the helm it turned into something that I had no chance to afford or even enjoy.( five star hotels and restaurants everyday). I made the mistake of bowing out with an explanation and they thought that I was attempting to negotiate a different trip so the phone calls and discussions dragged on. I wish I had just said “can’t give you the details right now and I am really disappointed, but the trip is not going to happen for me.” (ultimately it worked out and I did not go)
“Several other people have managed to decline and made it stick”?! This person is not your boss. He’s the type of person I wouldn’t give a reason. Just call him and tell him, “Sorry, I can’t make it.” Period. If he asks why, just tell him it’s not going to work out for you and don’t permit him to engage in further discussion about it. I’d do it tonight and be done with it.
zobroward, with all due respect -you’re what, a 30 something yo guy talking about your friendship group? The rest of us here are 50 and 60 something women talking about female friendship groups. It’s likely a different dynamic.
Just be honest. There is no crime in saying the trip is too expensive. Real friends are going to be ok with this.
We did this with one group of friends. We are still friends.
My wife has been going on biannual trips with a group of friends. After the last trip, my wife said she is not going on the next trip. “I am not as interested in the next trip as the rest of you”.
My wife is still friends with this group.
I have noticed that my friends and I have less ego compared to when we are young. We are all decaying.
I think we are more forgiving of our friends. Some of them have had cancer. Others have major issues. Missing a trip is not high on a scale.
I’m reminded of my mother’s advice: “Never apologize, never explain.” when turning down an invitation. And two apologies or explanations? No, no, no. It makes you look like you’re making excuses.
In that vein: “Oh wow, I’m afraid I really can not do this trip after all.”