<p>Were the gifts offensive? Were they chosen to be hurtful? </p>
<p>If not, I believe thank you is the appropriate term.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. My father was one who couldn’t resist sale items. We got more crap that nobody wanted or could use (the defining story is when he bought a new brand of cigarettes because you got two for the price of one, but nobody we knew smoked–they sat around my parents’ house for years). I don’t think you can change your mother’s behavior; all you can do is work on your reaction to it. However, I’d never use/wear something just to make the giver happy. I’d be fairly blunt about it and let her live with it.</p>
<p>And keep in mind this too shall pass. My father died several years ago. Every once in a while we come across something from him that we actually kept. Always makes me smile as I think back to all his wacky presents.</p>
<p>Could you offer to take her shopping with you? My mom has always been generous and thoughtful, but she doesn’t get around much anymore, so either my daughters or I take her out shopping once during the holiday season and make an afternoon of it, including lunch. Makes it much easier to steer her in certain directions.</p>
<p>If the gifts are not blatantly inappropriate, and your mom is not asking for advice on what to buy the kids, she’s 100% correct that gifts are always supposed to be from the heart of the giver; they are never an entitlement to the receiver. I will agree with you that most people attempt to buy something that will be used and appreciated, but not everyone has the same taste or judgment. However, you are doing the right thing by requiring your kids to be appreciative and thank their grandmother for the gifts, whatever they are. </p>
<p>As others have said, give away, sell on ebay or donate the things you really can’t use and that she won’t notice. Keep and store items she’d be truly upset you gave away. She may see for herself that her gifts are not being used, but you don’t have to hurt her feelings by telling her that, either.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. Sounds like you’re telling us she’s not going to change, so just plan a Goodwill trip after ever gift-giving occasion, and stop taking her actions/issues personally. Thank her for thinking of you, and leave it at that.</p>
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<p>In our case…they were insensitive. Things like religious items (we are not religious…MIL is). Clothes that didn’t fit (despite being told the sizes).</p>
<p>My issue is I hated to see my MIL waste her money. BUT I did let it go…now we get a family gift…it usually goes to GW too.</p>
<p>Ten gifts for each child for Christmas from one person is a little much, unless they are small. I can maybe see saying something about the quantity of gifts and your ability to store all these things, more so than the specific gift selection. Not much you can do if she ignores you, though. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t have hesitated about having your mom come to the house even though you didn’t put up her bead curtains. I think someone gave a set to D when she was younger, too! Your D shouldn’t say anything about them unless specifically asked. Then she could just say that they didn’t work in her space/ were damaging the paint or whatever.</p>
<p>Having lost my mom - I would appreciate the thought. She’ll eventually stop when she can’t get out any more or worse. You’ll miss her when she’s gone and the kids can always say “remember when gramma gave you that bead thing?” Then they’ll laugh their heads off but have a fond memory of gramma.</p>
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<p>Is that really a fond memory? I think a fond memory would be a gift where somebody put some thought into it and bought you something that pertained to your interests and not something you will never use.</p>
<p>Speechless, but I can still type…</p>
<p>Well…it’s sort of mean but…</p>
<p>Do you give HER gifts? If so, do the same thing. Give your folks things that they won’t like. Buy things in the wrong size. Get them CDs of music you know they dislike. </p>
<p>Keep a perfectly straight face. Walk into their home and say something like why don’t we listen to that opera/Justin Timberlake/Sesame Street/ whatever album we got you? Why aren’t you wearing that (wrong size) dress ? </p>
<p>Maybe GETTING gifts that are unsuitable will make them realize what it’s like.</p>
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<p>I agree with you.</p>
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<p>And if she doesn’t, then what happens? She won’t get you any more presents? :)</p>
<p>Not a serious suggestion, but it would be hilarious to challenge your family to come up with more-over-the-top-than-the-one-before-it shaggy dog stories for why each present is MIA when Grandma comes to visit. The bead curtain? “Oh, my best friend was the set dresser for a local production of “Hair”, but don’t worry Grandma, they wore skin-colored body stockings so no one was really nude, like in the original stage play, though I’m sure some of the teenaged boys who showed up were really hoping for more, ANYWAY, she’d been searching thrift shops and craigslist…oh wait, do you know what craigslist is? It’s, like, a virtual garage sale, you can search on anything and buy it from someone who’s selling things, which is great if you need something totally random like a Chewbacca costume or something like that and it’s not as scammy as ebay…oh yeah, my friend! Like I was saying, she was looking for all kinds of cool things for the set, and not getting a lot, and she saw the bead curtain hanging up in my room and was all like “I totally love that!” and so I said “great, you can borrow it!” and she was all “yay!” and it looked just fabulous up on the stage, up until the point when one of the actors–the one playing the main character-- fainted and grabbed at it when he fell down, and it got all tangled up in his love beads (which were part of his costume), and the EMTs had to cut it all away because they worried he was choking even though he wasn’t. My friend was really sorry, but I knew you’d feel great to know how much everyone thought that bead curtain looked. ANYWAY, my friend said that she didn’t know that my Grandma had such great taste, and she really wants to see anything that you’re going to give me, because she does a lot of plays and she’s always looking for things that’ll work well for different eras.”</p>
<p>It can be an improv game! 
:D</p>
<p>Why would you be speechless? This is sort of hoarders in reverse… she is flooding us with stuff that we REALLY don’t want or need. She is wasting her money, and my time. In fact, the kids got 10 presents each this year when we didn’t go to her house. When we do go, it is even more (then we have to transport them all home). Honestly, we have also started avoiding Christmas at their place because it is just over the top. Maybe you are speechless… because you are the same kind of gift giver? I know everyone struggles sometimes to find a gift that is appropriate for the recipient, and we don’t always hit the mark. But I resent the fact that she does not even make an attempt, and when I brought it up she is SO clearly all about HER preferences and what she likes to shop for/give. I can also respect that every suggestion we give her might not be something she wants to give, so I try to give several ideas (and try to pick things I know she can buy… I am not going to tell her that D wants new earbuds for her iPod).</p>
<p>One other thing to know is that she has always been one of those shoppers who returns a lot of stuff, even things she buys for herself. I bet 2/3 of her purchases go back to the store. Does this indicate a habit of buying without really thinking it through? But maybe because our items are gifts, she just never gives it the second thought and returns it.</p>
<p>Can’t use the ‘no storage’ line, I have actually have a good sized house that was bustling with people & pets a few years ago, but a divorce and kids off to college have freed up a lot of space.</p>
<p>How large is the potential estate? I can get very pleasant for the right price. You probably do not need anything really so…how large is that estate?</p>
<p>Intparent,</p>
<p>Speechless wasn’t in response to your post. </p>
<p>Oh, and I don’t appreciate your casting aspersions. Do you really think I couldn’t sling it if I so chose? It’s a choice, Intparent, how you conduct yourself.</p>
<p>Must be a generational thing, my MIL could not visit without bringing “gifts” for everyone who would be in attendance-- mostly found at home or $1 store or swap sales at the assisted living facility. My kids learned early to say the nicest Thank you to her face and give items to me as soon as she left for recycling. Over a few decades, I recycled a “houseful of goods for her”. But it made her feel good to “give”, so whatever, we kept up the charade and would never have dreamed of telling her what we really thought of her gifts. And when she passed, yes, we and the cousins joked in a fond way about the “gifts” and who got the “worst ones”. Its a quirk of their personality. Try to be gracious about it. Sounds like she is lonely, spends her time thinking of her family and buying them (unwanted) presents; its not like she is harming you. She just wants you to know she cares about you. Why take that away from her?</p>
<p>Sorry for the whole mess, intparent, and thanking whatever gods may be that we don’t have relatives who make gift-giving difficult. The closest we’ve come is with my overly-generous MIL. When the kids were little, if they expressed an interest in any new toy, MIL would go out and buy every last variety and accessory she could find, and present them because it was a Tuesday and she wanted to. This was tough for us when d1 liked StarDreamerBabies or whatever the awful things were called. It would have been nice for d to anticipate getting one at a time, maybe saving her allowance or birthday money to buy one herself, etc. Instead, MIL would inundate her with them and we wound up with a ton of plastic dreck.</p>
<p>It was worse for my SIL, whose sons liked Beanie Babies when they were preschoolers. MIL bought them by the bagful and displayed them on every piece of furniture in SIL’s house. They are still there, almost 20 years later, in huge plastic bins. Some enterprising person could probably make a fortune on eBay with this stuff.</p>
<p>I’d be sad about a grandparent who wants gift-giving to be some kind of control issue. Almost every grandparent I know wants to please their grandchildren, and they happily move to gift cards or checks when the kids are old enough. </p>
<p>If you and your kids thank your mom for all gifts politely when you receive them, and then send a prompt thank you note, I say you’ve fulfilled your end of the social contract. Then do whatever seems appropriate with the gift - enjoy it, recycle it, return it, chuck it - without informing your mom. I don’t believe the gift giver is expected to demand that the gift be used.</p>
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<p>But how is giving unwanted gifts (and 10 for that matter) caring for that person? Anybody can go to the store, buy 10 random presents, and give them to a person. Doesn’t necessarily mean they care about the person.</p>
<p>This thread reminds me of the bunny suit in “A Christmas Story” that Ralphie got while the dad was shaking his head in disgust and the mother proclaimed how her sister always got him thoughtful gifts. lol</p>