<p>By the time Christmas comes they’ll be together for 2 months (or be broken up).</p>
<p>Two months does seem like long enough for a not-too-pricey gift. </p>
<p>What is she like? Does she like music? clothes? Mani/pedis? theater? </p>
<p>Is she in med school with your son? Is there something related to that that could be given?</p>
<p>A cold weather gift could work…like a nice scarf and glove set, or leather gloves or something like that.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions.</p>
<p>DS indeed does not have much money – whatever money he has access to is mostly from his “future income” (loans) and whatever we can help a little bit (whatever amount the school’s FA office defines as “parents’ contribution” so that the average debt level of their graduating class will look “better”, lol.) I think the girl does not have much money either; I heard she has a work-study-like job at school. DS’s program does not allow him to take a job unless it is during the research year if he decides to take the research year. I even suspect she may get less need-based FA than DS does due to school’s different policy toward different programs but they are not yet in the stage of development such that they could freely talk about how much student’s loans each of them has accumulated yet. It is way too “un-romantic” to do so now. lol.</p>
<p>Mom2ck, Even though her program is officially a part of the med school, she is not in the 4 year program. (So there is no dreadful “couple match” issue in the future.) We do not have a chance to learn more about her yet. We are glad that DS is willing to share with us so much.</p>
<p>Marian, I heard they occasionally visit each other’s room in the dorm to see movies on the laptop together. Because of this, my wife once told DS that he should be a good Christian and do not get her into trouble. This is as much “education” as needed education DS could receive from the parent.</p>
<p>^I love the board game idea. In general tho, it creeps me out when my D’s BF’s parents get too involved in their relationship.</p>
<p>I agree that we should back out as soon as possible. We just wish he could have a steady and committed relationship after noticing that he has none in college.</p>
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<p>It will happen when it happens. Too soon can be a problem, too, especially if one partner is committed to a lengthy professional education program and the other is eager to start a family.</p>
<p>Marian, You are spot on about a potential issue when you write the above.</p>
<p>A few years ago, one student/CCer (mom2ck, he is “shades<em>children” if you remember him) in DS’s situation posted that his gf decided to end the relationship exactly because of this issue. Fortunately, DS will never pursue a career path like S</em>C, which requires 4+7 years of post-college training years. Hmm…it may give DS some motivation of not doing the extra research year.</p>
<p>When my boyfriend and I started dating, he bought me a teapot and some tea for Christmas - a sweet, useful gift that I very much liked but that probably cost a very appropriate amount of money.</p>
<p>If the g/f likes caffeine, then coffee, tea, or something to brew those in would be a good present - especially for an overworked, overtired grad student!</p>
<p>^^
Yes I remember that student.</p>
<p>I understand that you’re happy that your son is dating since his undergrad years were a bit dry. But, this relationship probably won’t be “the one,” so just look at it as “practice” for the eventual real thing. </p>
<p>And, if you’ll be opening gifts in front of this young lady (I forget if she’s coming to your home on Christmas), it would be nice if you had a small token gift for her as well. This woudn’t be “too much”. I know that if we were hosting ANYONE at our home on Christmas and that person would be there during “gifting”, I’d have something for them to open. A pair of decent gloves, a warm scarf, a pack of those extra fuzzy lounging socks, or similar.</p>
<p>I suspect DS is likely more overworked than his g/f, at least more likely to have sleep starvation. He once invited her to the library to study together. They found that their work loads were quite different. At least he has passed his “11+ hours study per day” miserable period last semester. But this year is miserable in a different way.</p>
<p>I think DS said her schedule is more irregular than his, e.g., he needs to go to bed early because he needs to get up like 5:30 am regularly, but she never needs to so she could afford to get to bed late like a college student often does (DS was often like this as an UG but not anymore). If this is the case, anything with caffeine will be the last thing he will give her. Going to gym together may be a better idea as it could help a person get to sleep more regularly. But this is not a gift idea. (The gym in the basement in their dorm is free to every student who lives there.) I heard he once prepare breakfast for her during a weekend in the kitchen while she was studying there. She somehow likes to study there as there are many large windows and usually nobody is there.</p>
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<p>Had a couple of first and only dates with different women just out of college because the line of questioning/conversation resembled an IRS audit/interrogation. And from what I heard from mutual acquaintances, both wondered why there were no repeat dates. :D</p>
<p>Granted, I may be biased as I’m of the opinion first dates or few should be light and pleasant. </p>
<p>At least I’m thankful I never had first/early dates who spent most/all the time on date whining about ex-es like some friends. Never understood how anyone thought that would be an good conversation topic for first/early date. Especially if one’s hoping for a more serious relationship from that first/early dates.</p>
<p>I didn’t get the impresson that mcat was trying to micromanage her S’s love life–just that she was trying to help a S who isn’t experienced in buying gifts for girflriend come up with suitable ideas.</p>
<p>There are thousands of miles between us and there is on average 20 minutes phone call between us. Also, we can only see him one time per year in the past year. We do not have a means to micromanage his life even we want to. It took a month before he’s aware that we had leased out the house in which he grew up - Our bandwidth for communication is rather limited.</p>
<p>He is indeed very inexperienced in buying stuff even for himself, let alone for others.</p>
<p>
D’s BF is welcome at and often attends our family events but so far she has only met his mother and brother (not his father) and they just passed the one year mark. They only live about 3 miles from us. I don’t know what the issue is, other than that he sees his parents as the source of a lot of stress in his life. That and they have rather different ideas about things, not being natively American.</p>
<p>Can I hijack mcat’s thread to ask something similar? </p>
<p>Ds is a college senior and has been dating a fellow senior for two months. They’ve already left school for winter break, so he won’t see her again until January, but by Christmas it would dating for three months. They’ve texted quite a bit since he’s been home, and he seems pretty smitten, but this is the first girl he’s dated so also pretty clueless about these things. Should he get her a present or not? I think he’d take my advice on whether to get her something. What would you advise? My thinking is yes, because three months is a good amount of time, and I’d hate for her to think he doesn’t care because clearly he does. The long-distance thing just makes any gesture seem like a big deal.</p>
<p>Oh no, you can’t tell him to get her a present (my kid would be very upset with me). If he should come to you to ask what he should get for her then maybe. I don’t know, if he is that clueless and if your kid should care then they’ll need to work it out.</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay, DS will see his g/f after Thanksgiving (albeit for one day and 2 nights only). He is the designated driver for a shopping trip for his group of friends (excluding his gf as she is not on campus today) so the topics of what to buy for his g/f came up during one of our calls. I think he has not given any thought about Christmas gift yet. My guess is that he will likely bring something to her in January but not mail order anything for her right before Christmas. This is because doing so may make her and her parents “uncomfortable” during Christmas holiday as their relationship has not been acknowledged by her parents yet. (Naturally, I am curious about whether his g/f will at least let her mother, who she is closer to, know a little about it and what her reaction would be.)</p>
<p>He is happy he could see her one more time before he flies back home. Somehow she will have a final but he will not in December (I think. I even do not know anything about his school work anymore.)</p>
<p>Um…no. It he really likes this girl, he should give her a small gift of some sort on the last night he sees her BEFORE Christmas break. It should be small enough that it will not be embarassing for her if she hasn’t gotten him a gift. </p>
<p>He should NOT wait unti January, IMO.</p>
<p>mcat, I think you should pay attention to jonri’s posts on this thread, both the one about the timing of the gift and the one about the nature of the gift. Something small and THOUGHTFUL would nurture this very new relationship, rather than putting too much pressure on it.</p>
<p>That is the advice I think you should give your S.</p>
<p>Agree that a gift the last time they’re together before the holidays would be appropriate–a CD, a book, nice gloves or scarf or hat would all be nice small, fairly reasonably-priced items. Would suggest not spending too much, so GF won’t feel bad if she didn’t get him anything (which she could opt to mail him if she chose). A nice calendar would also be a good gift.</p>
<p>I’d hold off on jewelry or flowers until Valentine’s Day, if they’re still dating.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestion.</p>
<p>I probably did not make it clear. During DS’s shopping trip to the mall today, I think he would buy a gift for his g/f and he will give this “after-Thanksgiving” gift to her this Sunday evening after she gets back to campus. I just thought there might be no need to have another gift before Christmas. Is this a good idea or not? Of course, we do not mind at all if DS decides to give her one gift this Sunday and another gift before Christmas, especially when DS can not afford the risk of being perceived as being not proactive enough now.</p>
<p>Two gifts or just one gift before Christmas?</p>