Well…among other things, in most US Catholic dioceses you have to wait six months after first meeting with a priest to discuss marriage before you can marry in the Church. So, even if she and he went together to discuss marriage with a priest tomorrow, they’d have to wait 6 months to marry. So, she’s not going to get married next weekend.
Six-eight months is usually long enough for an initial infatuation to wear off.
Also, this man is on vacation this month. In less than 4 short weeks, he has to return to the real world. Presumably when he does, they will spend less time together.
What you’ve said is that your daughter has had a lot of boyfriends over the years. Maybe her other relationships were this intense, but you just weren’t there to witness it in person. I thought I remembered you saying she had a boyfriend in France when she studied abroad. Perhaps it was really intense too - you just didn’t see it. Sounds like she knows what she’s doing, although I do roll my eyes anytime I hear someone say that after a day ‘they know’. I guess some people do know, or just get lucky. I’ve met a lot more who thought they knew, but then 6 months/1 year later - not so much.
P.S. The term “Gifted” really bugs me in general. It just seems so braggadocios. How about intelligent, smart, or bright?
Having a daughter going through relationships, broken hearts or not, is just part of life and you should alert your daughter’s doctors and therapist what’s she’s going through. But agonizing potential outcomes is not productive for you.
Do you have someone to talk to on your anxieties about your daughter?
As someone whose has lived thru son’s breakup,of a long term relationships , and the intense start of a new relationship, I can vouch for the worrying. Choosing a spouse is one of the biggest decisions in life. Sometimes we think they move to fast.
Still, it sounds like your DD uses logic, not just emotions, when deciding how long to stay in a relationship. Give it time.
I met my husband, I knew he was the one very soon after. We married after 8 months and have been married 30 years. I don’t think we were particularly intense while dating, H is gifted maybe this means I am too
My sil and bil met while he was in between school and starting a very intense job. So he was on vacation when they first met and could really date intensely. They got married I think a year and a half after meeting and have been married 28 years.
My kid is older than yours now, how I wish what happened to me would be her experience. Right now the whole dating thing stinks like rotten eggs.
My only concern would be that she is sticking with the grad school plans. The relationship will work or not. You will get to know more about this guy. She may get her heart broken or she may break his heart. I am all for her experiencing love and finding a mate, but I would also want her to follow her own dreams. I’d worry if she gave it all up for some some guy she just met. Sounds like it is too early for them to have considered where her grad school fits in. As someone who had some intense, time limited love affairs before marrying, I wouldn’t be worried.
Thanks for your input and all the stories about relationships that worked out!
I don’t mean to sound pretentious, but I do think “gifted” is relevant here because the intensity is a significant part of it. Everything she does is like this, and it can be scary to watch. That’s why I used the term. It’s a special kind of stupid, in a way. These kids tend to mature socially a bit later than their peers, and they seem to miss some of the social norms.
@bookworm , that is correct. Up until now, logic was the driving force. She literally chose every single boyfriend according to the list she came up with at about age 15. Even the French guy met the “requirements,” but I don’t think her heart was really that touched. (And yes, I met the guy when he came to the states to visit his dad, who is American.)
@Lizardly , she has a year before she has to tell the school if she will take her place (she got a deferment until 2018), so I’m hoping she has some clarity on where this is going before then. She did tell the guy that she doesn’t want to start a family during grad school. LOL!
I disagree that “gifted” doesn’t play into this. Unfortunately, there are still plenty of men who feel threatened by very intelligent women. Part of it is ego – and I also think part is that many men want a woman who will prioritized their (the guy’s) career and comfort above their own (the woman’s). Women with very high IQs have a harder time finding partners.
This American Life did a piece about scientists in Boston trying to calculate the odds of finding dates matching their intellect and most basic desired characteristics in their area – for the guys, they figured there were 2500 hits in all of Boston. For the women (their example was a tall female physicist) the number was for all practical purposes zero.
this is the funniest thing from my perspective. Somehow, jumping to the conclusion that just because someone is missing they became a priest is telling. It suggests that there’s a lot of jumping to conclusions or things are black and white.
It may suggest that the love is a head over heels kind of love that may alas wear off just as easily as its onset. Just my 2 cents.
What? If a person isn’t working a job anymore, it’s not at all unreasonable to think they might have moved.
And since this is a Catholic church, thinking someone became a priest isn’t a real leap. Sure, if it was the Kroger checkout guy that you thought became a priest, that would probably be a stretch.
I have a D like this but without the “exceptionally good looking” part (attractive and athletic, not head-snappingly so)and, consequently, without much dating experience. We expect it to hit her much like OP’s D is seeing now - when things mesh well, it can happen fast. This is not a bad thing, just means they are both ready and compatible. I knew by about date number three, W maybe a week or two later, though we didn’t get engaged until month 11. I had to save up for a ring.
Like in the article linked by intparent, my D will just have to find a smart and strong guy who is OK with a woman smarter and stronger than he is. I hope it works out for MassD because it makes a nice love story.
Our S is very intellectually gifted while D is extremely aware of and sensitive to the feelings of others, even feelings that are not voiced. I agree that the two attributes are often not to the same degree in people.
