<p>We had a very interesting discussion this week regarding gifts for the new son or daughter in law. How does your family do it? Do you budget the same gift amount for each of your kids, including the in law? Or are the couples budgeted the same amount as the individuals.</p>
<p>Do you see your parents, the grandparents of the new in laws, including the new kid in the family or considering the couple as one unit? We had people do it each way and it opened a curious line of discussion.</p>
<p>What about gifting your kids when they are at different points of success in their lives- do you gift the starving student more or the same as the working kid?</p>
<p>Don’t have that situation yet, but I know my mom always budgeted the same amount for her DIL and SIL (when there was one) as for my brother, sister and I. Same thing for the grandkids and the step grandkids. There was never any difference. Of course, we never spent a huge amount on gifts. I will do the same when the time comes and treat DILs the same as I treat my sons.</p>
<p>My parents have always given a very nice gift for each of us–tend to give the males nice shirts and the females money. Have never checked to see whether my SIL gets cash or some other gift, but probably cash. Come to think of it, don’t think they gave any of us gifts this past Christmas. I think they give each person the same, even though one of my brothers is not married. Have never compared notes to see if it’s accurate. I know that from time to time they have given more to one of us than others, but we rarely compare notes–once or twice dad gave S a large check when dropping him off at the airport for school. It was a big surprise to all of us. D has never received anything similar. They do try to be “fair” to all of us, to the extent they can. I think they do tend to help those the feel are struggling more than those they perceive as “doing well.” (For example, there are a few MDs while others are clerks or have other less prestigous and well-compensated positions, etc.)</p>
<p>I tend to give my student kid more help than the working kid, because she needs it & he really doesn’t. Neither of them have said anything & I think they’re fine with it. Gave working S a $250 certificate for his plane ticket (which we got because our flight was delayed). S gave D an upgrade to 1st class but we bought D’s ticket with points/miles so she didn’t have to pay anything, while S did buy his own ticket (as he has since he got his job).
Speaking of which, I don’t think my folks gave any of us Christmas gifts, which is very unusual. If they did, I think we misplaced them. My folks try to be as equal as possible, most of the time.
Among us sisters & SILs, we take each other out to celebrate bdays and give each other token gifts. The SIL that lives furthest away doesn’t share in this bday exchange, but the one who lives near the rest of us does.</p>
<p>My parents spend the exact same on their in-laws as they do on their own children. They are very generous. They also spend the same on all of their grandchildren.</p>
<p>I plan to do the same for my future in-law.</p>
<p>D recently engaged; have known fiance for a fairly long time. I’d say our gifts to them together equaled a little less than twice our gifts to S. (sorta like the two kids in college FA discount, to put it in CC terms. :D) Numbers werent closely monitored, so I’m not sure.</p>
<p>Will be paying for a wedding in a few months, so I was on the frugal side overall.</p>
<p>Even though my BF is not yet my parents son in law, this year they transitioned to gifting that way as we’ve now moved in together. Typically, once you’re married you stop getting individual gifts in my family and you receive one gift as a couple. There isn’t a set budget per kid but my parents try to keep things “even,” whatever that really means. It doesn’t always necessarily mean the same amount of money spent. Though, there is some disparity between me and my older sister. My older sister has five kids, she and her husband receive one gift while most of the attention is focused on the kids. I think I am still being lumped into the same group with younger sister, so BF and I received several couple gifts this year as well as several individual gifts each. I got more than he did but the couples gifts balanced things out. This will change when we have children. I think mom is compensating because she knows she is running out of years to pile my presents under the tree.</p>
<p>As for different economic situations, that doesn’t make a difference in gift giving but it does make a difference in general. Help goes where it is needed whether it is “fair” or not. Mom always goes over the top for everybody on holidays.</p>
<p>I tend to try and spend equal amounts on my two kids, even though one is a starving actor and the other has a job that pays her well (her husband, a grad student gets a stipend too).
I usually buy gifts that the kids wouldn’t buy for themselves. Gave the starving actor an espresso machine, while I gave married D and son-in-law room and ski lift tickets for a weekend at a ski resort in Vermont (great Rue La La offer). Also, have started a tradition of buying the son-in-law, who has absolutely zero interest in clothes, several sweaters, shirts, and pants. He now calls it his clothes for the year. He really never buys clothing for himself for the rest of the year. Don’t really do extra for the actor, because we help her out during the year (pay for car insurance and health insurance)–she pays for the rest.</p>
<p>My kids have serious Bfs. Oldests relationship is more serious as they have been living together for over a year, and his family has paid for her to fly back and visit them across the country twice a year or so for the last five years.
We gift her BF less than what we gift D but mostly because we dont know as well what to give. ( Ha! I say “we” but I am in charge of all the gift/card giving) I also give gifts for both of them through the year- things for their house.
We were told by younger D to not give her BF anything, but I gave his family a card and I sent him an Amazon gift card.
I spend more on the D that is still our dependent, than I do on the D who is out of grad school.</p>
<p>My extended family only gifted the actual children ( under 20 or so) once there were lots of grandchildren/ cousins ( my sister has five kids! for example) But before we did that, the inlaws were gifted & treated the same. My grandparents for example told H to call them " grandma & grandpa" and he did.</p>
<p>In my Hs family however, my H and his brother- in- laws were given the same thing for Christmas, ( usually some sort of power tool) his sisters were gifted about twice as much “monetarily” and I was given a token gift. But once we started going away for Christmas and celebrating with the older relatives afterwards, the token gift was dropped ( which was fine by me), and a few years later, both of his sisters divorced.
He doesn’t get power tools anymore, we still celebrate by going away( to see oldest) and we just exchange cards with his parents & sisters.</p>
<p>Just opened the envelope from my folks–they wrote a check to EACH person (their kids & each grandchild & each SIL/DIL the same amount), or at least that’s how it appears to me–everyone in my nuclear family got the same amount. They try very hard not to show any signs of favoritism and do a great job of it.</p>
<p>Thats great that they still are flush enough to hand out checks to their kids.
My relatives are mostly deceased except for my sister & brother and their kids, and if my inlaws gave out cash they would have to cut back on their trips to Reno.
( then again, at least they don’t require us to pay for their housing, like some of my friends parents)</p>
<p>My family gave up gift giving for everyone in favor of a grab bag game. Gift value? $25. It’s fun, and you avoid all the gift giving pitfalls. </p>
<p>I suppose, tough, whether by marriage or by birth, all the “kids” in the family should get more or less equal treatment (although my own sat me down and let me know that they weren’t 4any more, and I didn’t need to spend the same amount or worry about quantity).</p>
<p>I have only one son and a very loved maybe future DIL. We don’t go overboard with gifts, but we pay for them to fly to our house for holidays. My maybe future DIL is so appreciative of anything. Once they got stranded in NYC just after Christmas by a snowstorm and we paid for them to stay at the Hotel Chelsea. Doesn’t that sound like fun? My extended family opted out of the gift thing years ago.</p>
<p>Both my daughters have bfs whose families are both more financially endowed than we, but also very generous.
I gave up trying to keep up tit for tat, but I try to aim for the same spirit.
:)</p>
<p>Each S, D, SIL, DIL, GS, GD, GDIL, and GSIL are given a small gift and a generous cash gift by my mom. Each S or D is given a very generous check for the family. For the past eighteen years, our check has been used for part of our children’s tuition – an amazing gift for them. We gave D’s BF a nice shirt and a gift card to a store he likes. S doesn’t have a GF, but when he did, she received a gift card and a photo frame.</p>
<p>Yes, it is nice when our families all have enough resources to pay their bills and are not a burden (or future burden) on anyone. It is also nice when gifts do not cause discord and competition to see who got the “best” gift or “more” than anyone else. Honestly, I have never asked my sibs what they received from my parents but have always assumed that they try to be fair, since that has always been their pattern. It can be awkward when there is apparent favoritism and feelings are hurt.</p>
<p>We do go to an annual party where there are random grab bags & folks are encouraged to trade for what they prefer. It is good-hearted and most of the gifts are $5 or less so no one gets offended.</p>
<p>My parents give my bf and I about an even amount of presents. We have lived together for over a year but still need stuff for the apartment so most our presents are shared presents. I still get more, but not a ton. Monetarily, I haven’t the slightest clue how much mine cost versus his. I sincerely doubt my parents do either. Not something that’s kept track of. His family gives the SOs considerably less than their sons. His family is far more financially more well off than mine is but our families choose to spend on different things. No judgment. His family also tends to give actual “fun” gifts like games whereas mine gives more practical gifts like a cast iron skillet. </p>
<p>We’re not given cash. Rarely given gift cards. Dad’s parents send the same basket full of food and stuff to each of the sons so all even there.</p>
<p>My parents give equal cash gifts to children and spouses of children. My in-laws give me nothing, same for the grand kids. After 32 years of marriage I should not be hurt but each year it stings a little that they ignore the kids.</p>
<p>I plan to gift my kids spouses equally when/if they ever have them. And grandchildren? I plan to be over the top!</p>
<p>Hey zoeydoggie: (What a surprise…) I have never received a Christmas gift from my (now 1) in laws. Not a card…nothing.</p>
<p>We have tried to be fair to all the kids and their significant others. We did tell our son’s live in girlfriend that we were going to give our son a special gift this year: A new suit and slacks at our neighborhood store. She was thrilled because shopping with the men in my family isn’t…pleasant. Our salesman has clothed three generations in my family. He knows what to do with the grinches…But I did get the gf a leather jacket.</p>
<p>Otherwise we give nice gift cards to significant others. But interestingly both boyfriends made the same comment to the effect that it was not necessary…that we have taken them out to dinner, given them dinner, supported them with business ideas…listened. I was so moved that I cried…(they both have wonderful parents so I’m not a parent substitute)…</p>
Smart people.</p>