<p>This girl I know from HS wanted to be my roommate and I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea, so I didn’t request her. Well, she got her housing assignment and she called freaking out. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t want to room with her, so I said that I haven’t got mine and that they forgot to assign me a room. Well she’s flipping out because she doesn’t want to room with a stranger. She has emailed the housing department and said that she said she wanted me as a roommate and why didn’t she get me. She’s now saying that she’s going to call them in the morning and ask them to switch it all so we will be put together. Nothing I say can talk her out of it. She says that if she can’t be my roommate then she’s going to transfer schools. It’s just stupid. She over reacts about anything and everything and is VERY immature (a small part of why I refuse to room with her). If I tell her that I don’t want to room with her, it will be horrible and she will probably never talk to me again (the bad thing is that if she stays, her room is right across from mine). It will be living hell.</p>
<p>I really don’t know what to do. I talked to the housing a few weeks ago (they needed to confirm that I didn’t want her) and they told me that if she asked why we weren’t roommates, that there is a possibility that someone would tell her that both parties didn’t request each other. I feel like this is a violation of my privacy that they would tell her what I put on my application. Am I right that it is wrong for them to do? </p>
<p>I’m just afraid that she’s going to call and they will tell her. I was going to call in the morning and ask them if a room change is possible at this point. If they say no, then I won’t worry and everything will be fine on my part. If they say yes, I was thinking about saying “A girl I know is going to call and want to know why I’m not her roommate. I would really appreciate it if you didn’t share my records with her.” Would that be ok to say or do you think it would sorta be putting them in the middle? I really don’t know what to say to them so that they will know that I don’t want my stuff discussed with her. </p>
<p>I really don’t know what to do. My mom said that if they told her that I didn’t request her, that I could just tell her that my mom didn’t want me to room with her. It’s true, but I still feel bad placing the blame on my mom.</p>
<p>Any advice would be great! Thank you for reading all of this.</p>
<p>You mention maturity – I think that you might show some by being honest with this girl, in a nice way. “College is about trying new things. I don’t want to room with anyone I already know.” It’s up to you to do the right thing, and you need to remember that how she reacts is not your responsibility. Good luck. Doing the mature thing is not always easy.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t recommend hiding behind your mom or the housing office on this. You need to act first.</p>
<p>Frankly, I think honesty or at least semi-honesty is the best answer. You tell her that much as you like her you didn’t want to room with her. You can say you wanted a chance to meet new people in college, if you want to soften the blow.</p>
<p>I would love to be honest with her, but she would freak out. I don’t want to start college with an enemy (especially since we share classes and would be right across the hall from each other) and I’d feel bad if she transferred because of me. She never forgives or forgets; she still won’t talk to someone because they playfully called her a nerd. I just feel like I’ve gotten into this so deep that I can’t get out unless I want to never talk to her again. I’m so confused about what to do. She is adament that she refuses to room with a stranger and the only way she’d be happy is if I roomed with her.</p>
<p>Really, at this point, I’m almost ready to stop being friends with her so I can stop having to deal with all of her stress and crap. I just really don’t want an enemy at the same small school.</p>
<p>^^Honesty is best, and she is already freaking out. But you could maybe try to blame your parents. I know I would try to dissuade my daughter from rooming with a high school friend, and I would give her permission to blame me. Ask your parents if that’s okay with them, and then just tell your friend.</p>
<p>And if worst comes to worst and she doesn’t want to go to college because she can’t be your roommate, then she wasn’t ready for college in the first place and you are actually doing her a favor by helping her to realize that.</p>
<p>My daughter always likes to portray me as a crazy mom. She’ll tell friends that she couldn’t do something because of me. In this case, an easy way out may be, “My mom doesn’t want me to room with someone I know because she wants me to branch out to meet new people (a bit of eye rolling). I wish I could talk her out of it.”</p>
<p>Honesty is the best policy, but because you’re not ready to go there, use your mom as an excuse. I offer myself up to my kids all the time. I don’t care whether people don’t like me. :)</p>
My mom has already told me that it is ok to blame her…she actually encouraged me to say that she wouldn’t allow me to because she’d have no problem telling the girl’s parents off.</p>
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Yeah, I really feel like she’s not ready for college or adulthood in general.</p>
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I’m about ready to tell her that. It’s just stupid that she’s not willing to have the “freshman experience” and branch out. That emotional blackmail link really explains what she is doing.</p>
<p>Stop worrying. Just tell her the truth. Explain that you want to meet new people and living with a roommate whom you have no previous ties with will be a great experience for you. Let her know that you’re excited about starting your college experience and you want to meet new people and move forward with your life. I think it may be better to hear it from you rather than the housing people. Be kind, be honest, and reassure her that your decision is based on wanting to start college with a clean slate rather than not “wanting” to room with her. If she gets mad, try to end the call on a pleasant note and remember that her anger is probably just due to her fear of “leaving her comfort zone.” Good luck and don’t feel guilty.</p>
<p>Long ago, I learned that when people try to make me feel like their problems are my fault … I have every RIGHT to give their problems back to them. You are not responsible for her happiness. She is trying to make you feel as if you owe her something that you do not. Please put the problem back on her. I agree that, since your mom is cool with you blaming her (something I also encourage my kids to do), you should tell her that your mom is adamant about you branching out on your own. And mom IS paying for school, after all, I am assuming … so that stubborn woman wins, right?</p>
<p>I agree with nysmile about trying to keep it as pleasant as possible (and about not feeling guilty).</p>
<p>Another big vote for honesty here. Your lack of being forthright on this has already exacerbated the problem since she’s now calling the school and making demands and frankly, the school shouldn’t have to be in the middle of this.</p>
<p>Just tell her that since you value your friendship you followed the advice of countless others, including the advice of many college housing departments, and decided you’d be better off not being roommates and that you’d still see each other a lot. If she freaks out, throws a tantrum, or otherwise considers you no longer her friend then IMO you haven’t lost much and you’re better off getting this out in the open now. If she switches colleges over it, that’s her problem, not yours.</p>
<p>You can also honestly tell her that very, very few girls who enter their freshman year as roommates stay friends. By the end of the first year, they usually end up hating each other, and that’s when they BOTH wanted to room together all along.</p>
<p>While I can’t speak for every female rooming situation involving high school friends, I don’t know of any amongst my daughter’s friends that worked out, and they in fact mostly don’t speak to each other now. On the other hand, my husband roomed his entire four years with his friend and they had no problem.</p>
<p>It just doesn’t work with girls for the most part.</p>
<p>And I agree that honesty is the only way to go. It really sounds like your mom doesn’t want you to room together; if so, then you’re not lying. But you do owe it to her to be upfront and honest.</p>
<p>This is HER problem, not yours. You owe her nothing. Your mom gave great advice about using her as a reason- keep it in mind for other issues you need a way out of also (I have seen her advice in books, it’s that good). Your plans don’t have to be her business, you owe her no explanations. I recall knowing I couldn’t be roommates with my best college friends, it would never have worked even though we met in school, had the same major and spent a lot of time outside of classes with each other- friend does not equal roommate. You are much better off without her. Do not worry at all about her future, she is in charge of it, not you. If she antagonizes you with her attitude you can ignore her, if you feel charitable you can state my above college friends point, and any other points about it being better to be friends than roommates. If you are worried about consequenses of rooms across from each other you may want to check with housing/your future roommate about switching rooms to further away- down the hall or another floor- if this is an option pursue it sooner rather than later to give the others involved in switching rooms time to adjust their expectations of their future room. Do not let this issue spoil your anticipation of college- do not dwell on it, do not make it your problem.</p>
<p>Yes, tell her you want to roll the dice with a roommate so you can meet more people and then LET IT GO! You need to distance yourself from her right away or she may continue to make your life miserable. If she transfers, that wouldn’t be your problem and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Put a sticker on your mirror in the morning that says “This is not my problem. I am not responsible for her happiness.” Repeat as needed. Everyone needs practice in setting boundaries in life and this is great practice for you.</p>