<p>I was very disturbed today to hear that a group of junior high girls that I am familiar with are cutting themselves with razors and burning themselves with ice cubes and salt. One of the girls in their group did not want to go along, and is being ostracized. Her mom is very upset about this and is getting her daughter some counseling to cope with the situation. Apparently this “cutting” is widespread and glorified in teen movies, etc. Does anyone know much about this phenomenon?</p>
<p>Oh yes. I know a girl who held a lighter to her arms and thighs as a 13/14 year old. Repeatedly. </p>
<p>I found out because I saw a scar on her upper arm. Like an idiot, I was trying to figure out how she got the iron up that high. </p>
<p>That kind of sadness and misery takes my breath away. Incredibly, I could not convince the parents to get professional help. The girl finally asked for help about a year later.</p>
<p>Whew.</p>
<p>My D had a classmate in Highschool that was a cutter. She also was on medication and seeing someone for help. She killed herself New Years Day. It needs to be taken very seriously,</p>
<p>tabbyzmom~</p>
<p>I am pretty familiar with this phenomenon and have known of some local girls who have participated in this type of activity. It is very scary and difficult for friends of these girls to deal with. In the one case with which I am most familiar locally, the girl is under the care of a mental health professional and has been diagnosed as bipolar. She is currently on medication.</p>
<p>But I definitely worry so much about the “glorification” of teenage “angst” and the repercussions of that. I think that the blog culture has contributed greatly to the popularization of and desensitization to dangerous and negative thoughts and behaviors. Three months ago, I lost my best friend of 10 years over a situation with her daughter. Our oldest girls had been friends since Kindergarten. A acquaintance of my daughter’s, who was a “friend” on this other girl’s blog site, came to my daughter with some concerns about some terrifying suicide poems and veiled threats of violence that she had seen in the girl’s blog. Both girls approached me about it and showed me some of the entries, which alarmed me greatly as well. The girl who had discovered the journal had copied and pasted some of the scary entries into another journal so that I could see them and decide on a course of action. Long story short, my friend found out about all this, and instead of expressing concern for her <em>very</em> disturbed daughter, villified me for “spying” on her daughter’s journal! (even though I had no way of getting into it…the entries had been given to me by some very scared teens…) End result…our friendship has been blown to bits and her daughter has gotten no help because the mom refuses to admit there is any problem!</p>
<p>I think that the main issue here is that nearly all of the “friends” on that girl’s journal are as screwed up as she is…and they all reinforce how “normal” it is to write suicide poetry and how “pretty” it is. The girl had also commented about how she would LOVE it if she were in a mental institution with depression (somehow, this is a cool thing now??). But the “normalization” of this stuff is a real concern. In times past, those who were like this girl did not have groups of friends on the internet claiming that she was fine and the rest of the world (and the sane, worried-with-good-reason parents) were the sick ones. It really is a terribly skewed reality, IMHO. </p>
<p>The way I handle this…basically I keep my kids WAAAAAAAAAAY away from these types of kids and from these types of situations. And so far, it’s worked beautifully. Knock on wood, we have no problems here.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>I would keep knocking on wood, because there are some VERY normal-seeming girls who are cutters. These kids use the physical pain to deal with emotional pain and pressure. It is mainly girls, but some boys as well. The boys tend to resort to more obvious risky behaviors. A counselor at a top girls’ prep school here in town told me a few years ago that cutting was rampant. There are some excellent books on the subject. This is a very upsetting coping mechanism that is being uses more and more by depressed and pressured teens and young adults.</p>
<p>Do you all remember the girl who was on CC last fall and wrote her essay about cutting herself? We all counseled her to choose another topic. I wonder how she made out and how she’s coping. I don’t know anyone who has done this (to my knowledge).</p>
<p>My son DID try the ice cube/salt thing once. Actually, he let a former GF do it to him. This was in 10th grade. His arm still has a scar from that stunt. He showed it to my D, who came running to tell me. It looked horrible. This girl did not go to his school, so I don’t know if she had a problem with this. I think it was more of an experiment.</p>
<p>“The way I handle this…basically I keep my kids WAAAAAAAAAAY away from these types of kids”</p>
<p>Berurah, how do you know who they are? And, how would a parent keep their kids away from anyone? Don’t we have to teach our kids how to make up their own minds and let them make their own choices, while keeping the lines of communication open and encouraging them to make healthy choices?</p>
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<p>berurah, that whole story is very sad 
I think you did the right thing…and how the heck can she accuse you of “spying”??! It’s on an internet site for crying out loud isn’t it? :mad: . Oy.</p>
<p>From my perspective working in a junior high - because there is so much media attention on cutting, we’re now seeing a lot of “copycat” cutters. In other words, these students are not cutting out of emotional disturbance, but out of curiosity/trying to do something that’s different.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone. I appreciate the input. My own “Tabby” (as in “Tabbyzmom”) is at the age of some of these cutters - so I want to be in the know about this type of behavior.</p>
<p>berurah, I am so sorry about your friend. I know that people can go into amazing denial about their children. One of my S’s former friends posted some terrible things on a blog that I read. I was appalled, but did not tell the mom b/c I knew she would not believe it and would turn on me…it’s sad…They “kill” the messenger.</p>
<p>From googling “girls” and “cutting”, I found numerous articles and I agree w fireflyscout. The girls who are doing this secretly and cannot stop tend to be the ones self-medicating, if you will, by this process (similar to smoking, taking drugs, etc.) and need intervention by a psychologist, etc. The ones at our local junior high, who btw are all in the gifted program (and I taught some of them in elementary school), seem to be doing it as a “copycat” thing and as a way to say “we’re cool”, and in the case of the girl I mentioned, “you’re not.”
I hope this will go the way of goldfish swallowing. But something tells me it won’t. I agree w berurah that our culture is becoming very desensitized and this is a result.</p>
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<p>Oh, YESSSSSSS!!! This mom has shown many, many other tendencies to be in unbelievable denial about her kids over the ten years I’ve known her. In fact, she has been a consistent “enabler” in her children’s questionable behavior. I sat on it for several months (for the same reason you didn’t tell your friend anything), but it came out as a result of something the original friend on the journal did. I was just the closest and most convenient target, and it was much, much easier to attack me (and my “motives”) than it was to face the reality about her daughter. <em>sigh</em> ~b.</p>
<p>Yeah, cutting/burning etc is pretty common, but I’ve never heard about it done as a group thing before. That’s pretty disturbing. As for keeping your kids away from cutters - often there’s no way to tell. I have a friend who does it - smart, over-achiever, responsible, lively. You would never guess that she cuts.</p>
<p>Both my girls have cut- but it took me a long time to find out
My younger daughter has high pain low touch tolerance and because she has done similar things to herself since she was 5 ( but that the doctor was not concerned about or asked to see- even though I mentioned it several times- in retrospect I suppose he didn’t believe me)
I wasn’t as concerned as I should have been. She used to tear dead skin from her feet till she bled- and I would have to hide all sharp implements- but she would often find them anyway.
At school her friends actually staged an intervention with a counselor & I learned that she was still doing it. That is when she began seeing a therapist ( which of course ins wouldn’t pay for so we had to switch to a Dr who just does medication management)
The older daughter has told me she has cut herself as well- but she has more pain receptors than most people due to her prematurity and medical procedures- so it didn’t last very long due to her pain response.
I find it a very disturbing trend and I was horrified when at my younger daughters school she began cutting after she read a book in English that made it sound “attractive”. I don’t want schools to censor assigned reading- but I would appreciate a heads up from teachers when they are assigning material that deals with strong issues like self mutilation- rape, child abuse or even a contested divorce.</p>
<p>The movie “Thirteen” would be worth watching for anyone who hasn’t seen it.</p>
<p>I think amyone who’s had a daughter with a wide group of friends has known cutters. We saw it more in middle school than in high school. It’s just another way for troubled girls to act out. Most parents of the cutters, in my experience, didn’t have a clue until it got bad. I would also have to say most mother’s of girls with troubled friends, hanging around in dysfunctional groups, also don’t have a clue.</p>
<p>my ex best friend used to be a “cutter”.</p>
<p>if you want to learn more you can read the book called “Crosses”</p>
<p>I read it when I was about 14.</p>
<p>here is a link to it on amazon.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595269524/qid=1113679172/sr=8-2/ref=pd_csp_2/104-8706152-5983132?v=glance&s=books&n=507846[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595269524/qid=1113679172/sr=8-2/ref=pd_csp_2/104-8706152-5983132?v=glance&s=books&n=507846</a></p>
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<p>A friend recommended this movie and I watched as much as I could, but I didn’t like it. I just couldn’t get past the mother (Holly Hunter?). Her character irritated me so much. And the daughter was sort of annoying too with her I’ll-do-anything-to-be-cool pathetic attitude. I think she’s a great actress, and loved her in “The Missing.” I liked her in the TV show Once and Again (of course it was cancelled along with very few other shows I have ever liked 
).
Sorry to get so off topic :o<br>
How did the movie end anyway?</p>
<p>Itsd a very real problem, and definitely conragious. Its a way to remind oneself that one is alive when all the sadness and angst gets repressed, and emotions blunted. Focussing on the physical pain emoves oneself from facing the psychological stressors.</p>
<p>What I do not understand is why cutting seems to be more common among girls than boys. Mental health concerns and stressful family and school situations do not seem to be exclusive to girls.</p>
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<p>Do it have to do with how they handle stress? Do boys handle it better?</p>
<p>Boys tend to “act out” with reckless behaviors like excessive drinking, fast driving, fighting etc. Girls go inside with their depression, which can lead to the cutting to feel something- even if it is numbing pain. We had one of each in our house.</p>