girls cutting

Parent Cafe
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<p>fireflyscout~I couldn’t agree more. This is exactly the type of thing to which I was referring when I talked about the bloggers who seem to “revel” in this sort of faux teen angst, even calling it by name, as in, “I’m such an angsty teen.” <------Yes, I’ve seen this in one teen’s journal. There is a good side and a bad side to everything. The good side to the publicity about cutting and such behaviors is obvious. The bad side, though, to the publicity is the tendency for kids who are seeking attention to copycat.</p>

<p>DrDrewsmom~I just wanted to tell you how very much I appreciated your sympathy and your understanding of the situation I described. I felt like you really got the point! :)</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>“Cutting” is a behavior addressed in diagnostic manuals for mental health professionals. Like eating disorders (and probably related somewhere in the brain chemistry), it is most common in females. The theories on “why” this happens are numerous. Stress and the need to feel in control of some part of their lives may drive many young women (and, perhaps even young men) to have this type of behavior. Depression is also a possible contributor. In any case, the best possible outcome is achieved with some professional guidance. And school counselors, as wonderful as they are, usually do not have the background nor time to work with someone suffering from these behaviors. </p>

<p>As laypersons, our abilities to help are limited. I know I direct young people with such problems toward clinicaly/counseling trained professionals whenever I can. It’s hard to get many parents to understand that these behaviors are serious as well as make them understand that they can be addressed by professionals. I just keep reminding myself and others that NONE of us usually gets through life without some stumbling blocks, some emotional or personal challenges and that it is these challenges that help us grow. Sounds terribly superficial written here, but when you honestly tell a young person that you, too, have had moments/incidents/failures/obstacles to face and that they can be overcome, sometimes they get the message.</p>

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<p>Among a group of girls in my youngest’s class last year, there was a girl who wrote very dark poetry and dallied with the romanticness (is that a word?) of the sad & depressed lifestyle. There were several girls in this group who played along with her, writing some sad & depressed poetry, etc. I know there was a bit of cutting going on with at least one girl, another ended up with a serious eating disorder.</p>

<p>You could see that some of the girls were sort of trying it on, like trading jeans, while others had some real issues. The school nurse was aware of it, though could not speak in details with other parents, we definitely had the feeling the girls with more serious issued were going to be getting help, one definitely had treatment.</p>

<p>My DD flirted with this group and while I did not ban them, I also did not encourage huge involvement. Banning would have been impossible and also possibly made them more attractive. I did encourage one on one visits at our home, where we could do “normal” happy things.</p>

<p>Both of the saddest girls seemed to have normal lives and normal families, no major dysfunction apparent- though who really knows what goes on at home!?</p>

<p>My DD later would say she thought these girls had too much money and not enough love and were busy feeling sorry for themselves when other people had “real” problems. Yet, I know their parents and they were loved, but maybe not in the way they needed?? That is not to suggest that cutters don’t have real problems, but that these girls problems seemed to be more ones of feeling lost and not really knowing who they are inside, not having great confidence and seeking attention for being sad. There was some definite attention-seeking, including cutting in front of ohters.</p>

<p>Thank you to thisyearsgirls for being brave enough to post, it is so great to hear what might be a solution from some one who has been there.</p>

<p>I was very concerned about my DD when this was going on, I researched and read and did everything I could to make sure I would see ther signs if it got to her and she joined in. Luckily, we did not have that come up (as far as I could tell) and she is fine, but unless you are watchful and aware, how would you know!?</p>

<p>This is some scary stuff!</p>

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<p>Somemom
Couldn’t agree more. No one really knows what goes on in a family. The best kids can feel they can never do enough to please parents, and loners find each other and abuse drugs/cut/binge & purge. Others suffer if there is an illness in the house, or marital problems. Some scream for ATT, not material things. While for some its a group norm, many others hide the serious problems for years.</p>

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<p><a href=“http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/04/19/NEVIUS.TMP[/url]”>http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/04/19/NEVIUS.TMP&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>timely piece</p>

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<p>THirteen</p>

<p>The point of that film was not the D going off the rails. The horror show was watching the grossly immature mother and the fallout of that circumstance. The Holly Hunter charatcter was not a funcitonal adult/parent–for a variety of reasons including substance abuse. </p>

<p>The film held that failure up for scurtiny. And judgement. Not a good look but very close to the mark if you ask me.</p>

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<p>In the earlier days of research on cutting behaviors, there was a belief that people (usually females) did it to “feel”, sometimes because they did not feel real, and the bleeding and pain was “real”. A more current theory is that many cutters feel little control over many aspects of their life, especially things that are emotionally painful. Cutting is a way to control pain-- they can control when it starts and when it stops.</p>

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<p>I’ve heard also that depression is more common amongst young girls than amongst young boys. No idea why this is true, though.</p>

<p>But yes, this is very widespread. I’m almost hard-pressed to think of people I know who haven’t done this at least once. And with a few of them, it may be to look “cool” and “depressed,” but of the people I know, most of them do it because they actually feel that bad all the time. I very much doubt that many people want to be miserable and unhappy, so I don’t set much store by the “glorification of teen angst” theory. Instead of going around blaming these people for influencing their friends and propagating depression—as if it were some sort of contagious disease or something (“Don’t share drinks with Johnny; he’s depressed”)—isn’t it a little more useful to find out what’s wrong in their lives or in the chemistry of their brains? I think sometimes you have to take people at their word. If they say they’re feeling miserable and they’re upset enough to cut themselves, they probably mean it.</p>

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<p>I agree with kitkattail. I think that even if somebody is doing this for attention, things must be pretty bad for them to physically hurt themselves consistently. In other words they must REALLy need the attention. And they probably are depressed too. I mean, imagine sitting down and doing that to yourself…cutting, burning, whatever. I don’t think it’s something you can just do because your friends are doing it or it’s cool. There have to be reaons behind it and it’s important to look at them.</p>

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<p>When a cutter surfaces at a school, more will appear. It has an artificial “contagious” quality. A grial (or boy) might copycat cut once out of curiosity, but those who repeat, who become habitual, need as much help as the first cutter.</p>

<p>My students who cut both look extreme – orange and purple hair, piercings, gender ambiguous clothing – and extremely conservative – too pressed, too buttoned… What they share is a disconnet from the mainstream that is causing emotional pain. Some are bipolar, some are depressed, some have social anxiety.</p>

<p>In each case, over a period of many years, they have told us some version of :
“I cut because it’s a pain I can control.”</p>

<p>The other pain cannot be controlled by the child. It is the pain and not the behavior that must be addressed.</p>

<p>Most cutters hide the evidence, i.e., others, particularly adults, do not see the cuts.</p>