<p>I’ve been assuming that things didn’t go so well, since we’ve had no update…I hope no fisticuffs broke out.</p>
<p>Enquiring minds want to know :D</p>
<p>I also wondered what happened here. But my two cents: There are some people, children, parents and grandparents for whom nothing is ever enough. They are “poor” by judging to other friends or family. But for most seniors it is DEVASTATING to ask for help. (And let us not rule of dementia as a cause of perceived need by an elderly person) And whatever the showboating of boat or summer home (which might not be able to be sold or rented out) there is probably a legitimate need. And, again, perhaps you don’t buy anything you can’t afford, or think that you don’t…but sometimes the most financially conservative among us have a huge bump. And should that occasion occur (or even a small bump) that is what family exists.</p>
<p>Sorry for the late update!!! Things get a little crazy at this time of year…as you all know!</p>
<p>Well, the meeting was called off by my in laws at the last minute. They sent out an email saying they did not want to share any financial info and would look in to other options. That was it. Communication is not a strong point for this side of the family. Word did get to us that my in laws weren’t happy that my SIL , BIL and I were going to be involved in the meeting. Thought it should just be their children. I did get a chuckle out of this since H and I have been married for 30 years. he he! Guess they don’t think finances are a family decision and didn’t think of how monthly financial support would affect a family budget.</p>
<p>H did get his parents to think about getting a local financial planner and he was able to get the brothers together to talk about the situation. Not sure where this where all end up!</p>
<p>Thanks for the update, however out of all outcomes I had thought might happpen, this was not one of them. Their secrecy, although they are entitled to it, still makes me think hmmmm…JMO</p>
<p>Sound more like an excuse to me, your in-laws I mean … Good thing for your husband and siblings to get together to discuss it though.</p>
<p>Sounds like they are embarrassed to explain the boat and vacation home and then why they need funds to extended family, who can see the picture more clearly, objectively, and with less emotion. Perhaps they don’t want to be told how taking money from their children effects their kids and grandchildren. Perhaps they don’t want to be told that they should live within their means, and sell the boat and vacation home.</p>
<p>That’s a nice way to put it northeastmom! I think my FIL is pouting! ;)</p>
<p>That is an unexpected outcome!! As I think about it, I think he could see the handwriting on the wall that his first pass wasn’t going to work - so he pulled back rather than lose. The meeting with all three of the kids having a unified front probably was more than he thought he could handle.</p>
<p>My guess is that I think the next thing that will happen is your FIL will attempt to lobby for support from his kids individually - so it is probably important that the kids continue to communicate and avoid having this discussion individually.</p>
<p>They sure sound like they have a heck of a lot of gumption! My guess is that they are stewing and will be passive aggressive and you’ll start hearing things like it’s too bad they’ll have nothing to leave you.</p>
<p>I just discovered this thread today. It caught my eye because my FIL lost his job on Monday. He doesn’t know if he’s eligible for unemployment because the separation was “mutual based on slumping business.” HUH? </p>
<p>We’re trying to determine if he resigned or was laid-off. FIL either doesn’t know or won’t say. If he resigned he gets no unemployment and we kids will start pitching in. Here’s hopin’ their new 50" plasma can go back the store and their “old 46-incher” will move out of the bedroom and back to the family room. :rolleyes: And I think that’s just the tip of the iceberg.</p>
<p>You’re in my thoughts, NorthMinnesota.</p>
<p>Wow- sounds like the best of all possible outcomes, the request is withdrawn and no ugly lectures or anything!</p>
<p>A friend asked me for money last month and I had to say no, and I hope the relationship is not forever changed, as I had to say why I said no & it did hurt her feelings a bit. I would have been so relieved if she had called back and withdrawn the request!</p>
<p>Whatever passive aggressive emotional games they play now cannot be as bad as what would have happened had you told them to change their spending or told them ‘NO’ to the request.</p>
<p>Ironic they did not want to face the whole group, as if the decision to kick in every month did not affect that whole group!?</p>
<p>To think that their children-in-law shouldn’t be there?? What gall.<br>
Actually, though, I could picture my mother-in-law being the same way.</p>
<p>Post #107 - Yes northeastmom, your explanation is very nicely put. It’s truly lamentable that I don’t possess your grace.</p>
<p>There are some parents who simply don’t want to discuss their financial affairs. Mine were among those, and I’m in year thirteen trying to straighten out financial dictums put in place with love – but without consultation. Sorry the meeting didn’t come to fruition NorthMinnesota. I think those discussions would have done a lot of good.</p>
<p>I had a similar situation with an employee recently. He sent me numerous emails demanding a raise which he did not deserve. I asked him to set up an appointment and to have a spreadsheet with results of his recent work. He never set up the appointment.</p>
<p>NM, I have to say that I built myself up to a fever pitch over this situation. I feel like your in-laws played a “Soprano’s series ending episode” on me!</p>
<p>I’m guessing that everyone will be written out of the will. </p>
<p>Will be interested in what options FIL comes up with…I’m guessing that he will try to hit up individual kids, leverage his assets or both.</p>
<p>“They sent out an email saying they did not want to share any financial info”</p>
<p>Wow. Well, I’m glad they made the right decision, if for stupid reasons. Wanted to have their cake and eat it too, eh?</p>
<p>What did FIL do professionally, if you can say without compromising confidentially? I’m seeing a fairly successful but manipulating middle manager in my mind. Someone who got away with a few things in years past.</p>
<p>Or was MIL the pro?</p>
<p>I too am the child of extremely private people when it comes to finances. I’ve had the ‘pleasure’ of seeing their saved tax forms - the ones who are long gone, and who left house-fulls of stuff behind - and can now say they were a little stingy with their assets. You know, like having people mow your lawn every week but never offering them a lunch out, or thanks gift in the end, or even gas money! while sitting on a very comfy base.</p>
<p>I don’t know - it doesn’t seem SO strange to me that people who are private and going through a tough time would prefer the initial meeting without the inlaw children present. It’s pride and maybe the wish to maintain some sense of normalcy around you. Do they have a right to it at this point? Probably not, but without knowing more about the situation or how they got there, it may be a bit tough to judge so harshly. More important than who is at the initial meeting may be getting to the bottom of what is going on - for your own sakes, if nothing else. Otherwise, it is possible that you may be putting your heads in the sand temporarily and will get hit much worse later on, when they no longer have the choice not to involve you. At that point they might need a lot more than if you stepped in now - or worse yet, they may need to move in with one of you. I’d want to get to the bottom of what you are all dealing with, sooner rather than later. </p>
<p>The whole thing may be a moot point, though. You can’t force your FIL to share the finances, but if he’s more willing to do that outside of your immediate presence, with the understanding that no decisions would be made without the spouses being consulted, then it may be worth having at least one of the kids try to get some more information.</p>
<p>roshke…we agree that decisions need to be made so a plan can be put in place sooner rather than later. No one has a problem offering help if they need it. The issue stems from them not wanting to change their lifestyle now. They will still be traveling for six weeks this winter, JUST found out they bought a $35,000 new car and still plan on going to Disney. They are not planning on any belt tightening! They do NOT want to share financial info even with their children. It is a very strange situation.</p>
<p>NorthMinnesota,</p>
<p>It sounds like you (and all the sibs) handled things appropriately. Any lending institution is going to evaluate the credit worthiness of the person(s) requesting the loan, so asking to review their financial information whether to help them or to consider them as potential creditors, is reasonable, and is being handled as professionally as any lender would. If they choose not to disclose this information, they are within their right, but they will, appropriately, need to look for alternative funding sources.</p>