<p>Other than life-or-death or very serious situations, are there times when you feel comfortable giving unsolicited advice to people whom you aren’t close with?</p>
<p>In other words, how comfortable are you giving unsolicited advice? </p>
<p>What if you truly believe that such advice could help the other person? </p>
<p>Is there a way that you go about it in order to minimize the likelihood of offending the other person/commiting a social faux pas?</p>
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<p>Pretty much every time I log on CC. :D</p>
<p>In real life, I doubt I would give unsolicited advice.</p>
<p>I assume if people are posting on a forum they are looking for input - so you’re probably okay there, Nrdsb4! :)</p>
<p>Theresa, not usually…unless it’s my kids, and then I choose my words carefully and typically preface it by something like, “I respect that you’re an adult and can do whatever you think is right, but I just want to give some input on this. Is it okay if I just tell you what I’m thinking?”</p>
<p>Never been turned down. Sometimes I get a deep sigh, but they always at least hear me out. LOL</p>
<p>With others - not so much. If I really care about that person and I feel like I have something that will really help them, I try to work it into conversation in a way that is NOT advice, but maybe an anecdote, etc. Delivery matters.</p>
<p>Usually what others are doing is just not my business, really.</p>
<p>How about unsolicited encouragement? I am guilty of trying to help complaining friends to see a situation another way and to find the potential positive. Hmm, that sounds like I might be annoying, but I do make sure they have a chance to vent & snark first!</p>
<p>LOL - somemom! My husband calls me argumentative because I always look for the positive, and he is a very negative gloomy gus!</p>
<p>I’m not argumentative with everyone. Just him, mostly. :)</p>
<p>In a dressing room I will tell someone if something looks really good on them, especially if they have an unsure look on their face. (I keep my mouth shut if I don’t think it does). </p>
<p>I also tell people if I think their young child (typically under 3) are doing something dangerous.</p>
<p>Its a “bad” habit for me…
as I try to be helpful, open etc. especially if someone is telling me stuff…
when what I really need to do is ASK if they want my thoughts, ideas or opinions.</p>
<p>In a way its rude and wrong to offer advice without being asked…and assumes they need my help…also wrong…</p>
<p>Also I compliment young moms with little ones/encourage them, say hello/good morning etc greet people in shops, checkout, etc. I also say please, thank you and yes man/yes sir…to everyone.</p>
<p>Just like people and try to be helpful…</p>
<p>Sometimes I say something when I should probably keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. Years ago I was walking toward the entrance of a large grocery store. Outside the entrance is an ambulance. Not related to the ambulance being there are two young people standing nearby, one of them smoking. I said, from a little distance away, not in an unfriendly tone, <gesturing toward="" ambulance=""> “That’s G-d’s way of trying to tell you something.” The guy who wasn’t smoking chuckled. Anyhow, yeah, sometimes when I see young people smoking I say something. Why? I probably shouldn’t. It’s not any of my business. Sad, though, because it’s so rotten for their health.</gesturing></p>
<p>I have only said something if something dangerous was going on that someone didn’t realize or if I have something positive to share like… I saw that same thing at xyz store for less. </p>
<p>I’ve even told kids to wear helmets - too much personal experience with that to keep my mouth shut. Even on a skateboard - a young man fell off one and now is in a persistent vegetative state. </p>
<p>As far as my opinion on how to live their life? Well, if everyone would just live according to me, the world would be a much nicer, better place, but since the last time I checked no one appointed me God, I keep my opinions to myself.</p>
<p>Threads on message boards seem like advice being sought. Mostly I give unsolicited encouragement if it seems welcomed. Otherwise, mostly I refrain unless asked.</p>
<p>The one time I gave unsolicited advice to a friend I lost the friendship.</p>
<p>I knew that would probably happen when I did it, but the issues were important enough that I would do it again if I could. What I said needed to be said, and my friend needed to hear it at least once from a somewhat unbiased person.</p>
<p>Sometimes I do to try to help. For example, the day before Valentine’s Day upon entering Costco I saw a man pick a dozen red roses. I approached him to tell him that since it’s the day before VD it would be better if he picked a bouquet where the roses weren’t completely wide open because it would not last long. I pointed to another bunch with closed buds and told him that wasn’t a good choice either. I showed him the bunch, which looks just right. He thanked me for my unsolicited advice.</p>
<p>I also lost a cherished friendship because I didn’t endorse a choice a dear friend had made. I did not give her advice, just repeated back what she had told me the prior year and indicated I was puzzled. We have never reconciled after 30+ years, sadly.</p>
<p>I always joke with DH that I should be the H*** F**** (our neighborhood) Hinter and send anonymous postcards to people who do not solicit but desperately need my advice. My advice usually relates to landscaping, exterior paint color choices and remodeling projects (as viewed from the sidewalk). When one spends so much time walking one’s dog in a neighborhood one would really like share one’s (ahem) expertise.</p>
<p>In the grocery store, all bets are off. (I live in a college town. Lacking their own moms, these kids need me.)</p>
<p>Only here. In real life I never give unsolicited advice unless the person is very close to me and we have that kind of relationship.</p>
<p>I tend to say things like, “The downside of X is Y, but that bothers some people more than others,” or “That course of action tends to be easier for people who do Z.” </p>
<p>But mostly, I try to listen to them and respect them - I’m a young-looking thirty-something, and the amount of patronising, condescending unsolicited “life advice” I get (often from obviously unhappy people) irritates me. I would have to be a nutbar to turn around and do that to other people.</p>
<p>For dressing rooms, the key phrase (that I shamelessly borrowed from some lady who used it on me) is, “You have such a lovely figure and that dress just doesn’t flatter it.” Make the dress the problem. :D</p>
<p>I like that. ^^^. Unfortunately I have loved ones who are convinced that they look amazing in everything, even when they would look much better wearing things that aren’t nearly so clingy and revealing. Oh well, I like the sentiment. :)</p>
<p>ariesathena, You are the Queen of Tact.</p>
<p>^^ I agree! areiesathena both posts are great</p>
<p>IF the person is a friend and I am assuming we are being open, transparent etc…I might be willingto cash in and go all in/ and give advice</p>
<p>otoh
I have been burned by my own mom
–who got angry about “advice” and then later got angry I wouldn’t give advice…(thank you for wise counselors)</p>