Is dating really that bad out there? I’m 31, male, and attending graduate school in the fall. I got the courage from friends to really put myself out there last year. I tried online dating on multiple sites and even tried Tinder. Had a few positive experiences, but that was it. One really unfortunate thing about dating is being “ghosted”. Right now it just doesn’t seem worth it to use my time, effort, and money to continue looking.
Do you really want advice from the parents on this?
Yes, that’s why I posted here. 
I got a lot of good information from this site, so I thought I would see if anybody would post any advice or general comments.
Be persistent but not a pest.
Be a gentleman.
Compliment the lady while out on a date.
Tell her if you like her and why.
Don’t be cheap.
Go get em Tiger!!!
You said you had a few positive online dating experiences. That sounds like a win to me. Is your game plan dating - or finding a lifetime partner, or…? A long term relationship doesn’t happen overnight.
I think it really is that bad. Knowing that it’s maybe easier not to see it as a problem with you. You’ll have to work harder at building connections. Grad school will be a perfect time to cement some relationships.
Well it was a win, but only a short term win. After a week or so the calls stop and text messages don’t get answered. Talking with other people, it seems like being “ghosted” happens a lot.
Right now I am just looking to date and see where things go.
My son felt that way. He would try for a while but get discouraged and stop trying. Then he tried again and a couple of years ago met someone perfect for him (is getting married in 2 weeks). He is 32
What do you mean by “that bad”?
My 32 year old sister just had a baby with her 40-something husband after meeting on tinder 2-ish years ago. My BIL & SIL met through a christian dating site.
If you want a relationship, stick with it. If you’re ambivalent then don’t and just let whatever happens happen.
What I mean by “that bad” is putting effort and getting few responses, getting ghosyed, etc… The last date I went on went well. We went out two other times, spend hours on the phone and texting. She told me she liked me and enjoyed our time together, but that was it. It ended without any explanations.
Had to google “ghosting” & “Tinder”.
My best advice is to be yourself, be friendly, listen to the other person, go slowly in any relationship & enjoy graduate school & in being surrounded by thousands of available single students & professionals.
If you are being ghosted, that suggests that you are too sensitive &, possibly, needy. Not good qualities when trying to attract a mate. Better to be confident & respectful.
That’s the thing. I’m not sensitive and needy at all.
I didn’t know what ghosting was until a few years ago and, talking with other people, it seems like it happens to everybody.
If you are not sensitive or needy & have good hygiene, then just keep trying to make friends & proceed slowly & respectfully.
You’ll get ghosted in real life, too, as friends get on with other things in their lives. Both my kids met their partners online. Also a bunch of older friends, and a number of coworkers.
Not being sensitive has two sides- your own feelings and heeding the other person’s. (You do seem sensitive to the ghosting.)
See if you can find the thread about your gen not having much sex. Seriously. Some felt it’s more difficult for guys to connect online.
All my friends (male and female) say you need to wade through a lot of duds, but they’re happy with their finds. Very.
I am really just perplexed about being ghosted. Why would somebody talk for hours on the phone and spend so much time with that person and then ghost them. It just doesn’t make sense.
Well if a friend ghosts you in real life then they really weren’t your friend to begin with.
I don’t find it difficult to connect online, I find it difficult to find people who actually want to have conversations and actually talk.
According to my recent web search, ghosting is done to avoid conflict & to avoid hurting another’s feelings.
First, you should be really excited about grad school !
Second, consider taking a cooking class as a way to learn & have fun while meeting others & developing a common interest.
Third, don’t mess up recently broiled fish by applying horseradish sauce that you thought was tarter sauce.
Fourth, consider starting a dinner or brunch club to try new restaurants with new friends.
Finally, exercise. The world is just a better place when sticking to a daily exercise routine.
If a person is someone who would “ghost” you is that really the person you want to be hanging out with?
Is this an online grad program or an on-campus program?
If you have a choice, do the on-campus one. My advice is specific to on-campus grad students.
Does your grad program have housing for grad students? If so, live there. Better yet, save money and take a double room. Meet everyone on your floor. If you have a car, offer a lift for your floor-mates’ grocery store runs. If you like to cook, make a drive/shop/cook/wash-up deal with some floor-mates. No car and hate to cook? Chip in for the communal groceries and wash the dishes.
Attend all of the grad residence hall socials, all of your department socials, and as many of the general grad school socials as you can fit in. Join your department soccer/softball/ice hockey/basketball team.
Need a job in addition to whatever your department offers? Get one at the university library. Front desk security is great. You will meet everyone from the university president on down.
Before you know it, you will have people to go to the movies with, and eat meals with, and study with, and hate your grad program’s administration with. Some of these will become lifetime friends. Some might become romantic partners. One might even turn out to be your perfect match.
That’s the perplexing part. Why would somebody tell you they like you, spend hours on the phone, and then ghost you? It just doesn’t make sense.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I am involved in a number of things and I have hobbies and I do exercise. I’m happy being single. I really was just curious if others had similar experiences.
@bhs1978. Well I obviously can’t hang out with somebody who ghosts me.