<p>Last night, I attended a middle school choir concert. My youngest son was the student teacher at the middle school this semester at a town about 40 miles away from where we live.</p>
<p>We left after work, and due to traffic, came in just a few minutes before the concert began. The concert was held at a local church, with traditional pews, so there was no definition of a “seat”. The church was packed, but let’s just say that the people sitting were generous with their personal space. There were several people standing on the main floor and in the balcony.</p>
<p>As the mother of two sons, I have often prompted them to give up their seats when older people are without seats in any setting. I can’t speak to what I would do with daughters because I have none. However, I was surprised that there was not even an offer at any point from the teenage boys sitting in front of where I stood for the concert to give up their seat; their parents were sitting with them. The boys spent the concert texting–they didn’t spend much time actually watching the concert. There was room to sit on the floor behind the seats and still see some of the concert.</p>
<p>So, am I alone in the idea that prompting them to give up their seats is a part of raising a courteous adult? I often (semi) jokingly say that my goal is to raise my sons to be good husbands.</p>
<p>I’d vote with you on the giving up seats business, but I’d also have sympathy for the mom of two whiny texters who she barely managed to wrangle into that pew in the first place. She probably was afraid they’d wander right out the door if she let them out of her sight. Not that texting during a concert is ok either. Everyone knows that the correct way to ignore a performance is to doodle in the margins of your copy of the program.</p>
<p>That is a parenting decision. I don’t know what I would have done in the situation, but my guess is that I would not have noticed what my sons were doing during the concert unless they attracted my attention since I would be focused on the performance itself.</p>
<p>When we have gone to such events, we’ve often made the special attempt to get there early to get prime seats all together for our family. For us, that means a lot of work, as we are a large 3 generational family with some issues that make it difficult to get somewhere all at the same time. So the reward for getting there is that we get good seats together or, just seats. Without a hesitation, my kids and I give up seats on things where it a free for all to get seating–on a subway, at a pot luck, where everyone is allowed to enter enmasse, but it becomes a tricky question when you are talking about making specific plans and taking the pains to get seats and then giving them up to those who came much later. If it were someone infirm or elderly, I’d certainly give up my seat, and my kids would do the same if they noticed (texts, ipads and video games are an issue in that ) without a question, but no, I would not ask my sons, nor would I give up my seat or want my husband to do the same for able bodied adults who just came in too late to get a seat. Also, I would expect daughter to give up seats just as readily to those who need them. I am a female with handicapped privileges due to a condition, and I regularly give up seats to those who need them more than I do, and always have in my lifetime. </p>
<p>My brother once bought tickets to some 3D special movie, got there early with his kids, took the prime seats that had space in front of them with a rail for your feet (not supposed to be so used, I’m sure but always is, and no seats immediately in front. He did this deliberately to get those seats. Later the theater was filled and the usher was trying to seat people who came together in the same locales. There was a bit of tiff as a lot of people, my brother included, who did not want to budge from their prime seats that they had come way early to claim. As far as he was concerned, too bad for the latecomers. </p>
<p>If I had noticed the texting activity of my kids during a concert, I would have likely rapped their head and told them to turn off the phones and watch the concert. I would not likely have asked them to give up their seats to able bodied people.</p>
<p>As an almost 50 year old woman… I offer up my seat to elders, children, mothers with small children etc. all the time. Not only would my children do the same if they were aware and in proximity… but they wouldn’t be using electronic devices of any kind in that type of venue.</p>
<p>I have a son and a daughter and both of them would willing give up a seat for an older person or mother parent with young children in almost any situation. While I do understand the feelings of people who made arrangements to be there early to secure seats for themselves not wanting to give them up for latecomers, I still would offer up a seat to an older person and would absolutely expect my young, able bodied children to do so also.</p>
<p>In that context it would be wise for the director or whomever was in charge to ask people to move towards the center to make more room for the people standing.
Sometimes it just takes a gentle reminder.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t expect anyone to give up a seat at a concert. There’s a risk that the people who are not sitting could be asked to leave the hall altogether because of fire laws that require that the aisles be clear. People who arrive early should get to stay for the concert; those who arrive late should be the ones who have to leave, regardless of age or condition.</p>
<p>Mass transit is different. I do think that able-bodied, unencumbered people should give up seats on the bus or subway to people traveling with small children, people using canes or crutches or walkers, or obviously frail older people. Able-bodied older people are a different matter. I’m 57 but I look older. I still give up seats to people who obviously need them, but I’ve also had people offer to give up seats for me – which I don’t need and don’t really like. Offering a seat to an able-bodied older person can be a little offensive.</p>
<p>Giving up your seat is a courtesy not an expectation.
Most people oblige , some don’t care.
The person you are expecting to give up their seat for your comfort arrived earlier than you.</p>
<p>When I am old enough to refuse to do anything I do not wish to do, I will not attend any performance with open seating. I might not attend any seated receptions with open seating, either.</p>
<p>I agree. I don’t give up my seat unless there’s someone who’s obviously 65+ or could use a seat. </p>
<p>When I was ten or eleven I offered my seat to an older woman on the bus. She didn’t seem very happy about it, and then I realized that perhaps she was insulted because she didn’t consider herself that old or in need of help.</p>
<p>I am shocked each time I go to my OB/GYN’s office these days. The waiting room is usually full of pregnant women and the father. Sometimes other family members also tag along. It is so upsetting to watch men stay seated while a pregnant woman stands! I actually feel the doctor could place a sign in the waiting room stating that fathers are welcome, but the waiting room chairs are reserved for the patient.</p>
<p>I don’t like being referred to as M’am… but it’s a courtesy folks extend; a show of respect.</p>
<p>I was raised to believe offering your seat to an elder, to someone who is frail or has their hands full or is with something in tow… even small children… is the right thing to do. Many times my offers (especially to older gentlemen) will be politely declined… But I feel is best to at least offer.</p>
<p>You’re probably right. Even though we older people should encourage courtesy in the young, we also like being part of the population that gives up their seats – rather than the population that gets those seats – as long as possible.</p>
<p>It’s upsetting if we older women sit, too. Most of us remember how awkward and uncomfortable we were in the later stages of pregnancy. Those fathers don’t understand, but we do.</p>
<p>I don’t look my age but I have joint issues that makes sitting much more comfortable than standing. I don’t go to things unless I can sit down, and while I have had to stand on a bus,usually the look on my face must be so pained that I get offered a seat!</p>
<p>I have said very loudly before. Here take my seat, I remember what is is like to be pregnant. But those men, the pregnant woman with them and sometimes other kids just don’t take the hint! My husband used to go with me but he always stood in the hallway even when the waiting room wasn’t full. That was probably his nerves.</p>