<p>I wouldn’t have taken a seat had they offered it to me, but there were folks standing there obviously (to me!) older than I am. What I was really after was: As you are raising your children, what do you tell your children about situations like this? </p>
<p>I currently have a broken toe, but of course there’s no way anyone around me would have known that. I don’t expect people to bow down to me.</p>
<p>Is the “giving up your seat” mentality going by the wayside in the same way opening doors for others–and I’m not being gender-specific here. My dad has Parkinson’s and is wheelchair bound. I have had Mom hold the door open so I can push him through and had other people go through the door while I was trying to get enough momentum to get him over the threshold (which usually requires going backward if the threshold is high). I DO expect people to stand back when I am in this situation. I usually make light of it by saying something like, “You might want to stand back, I’m not a very good driver!”</p>
<p>I agree we should have left earlier. Unfortunately, work doesn’t always allow for that.</p>
<p>When my mom was recovering from a hip injury, her doctor told her to use a cane in public even if she didn’t truly need it. He said it would serve as a signal to others that she might not be able to move as fast as the crowd and that people should make an effort to stay out of her way and not bump into her. She didn’t use mass transit, but I suspect the cane would also have gotten her a seat on the bus.</p>
<p>When someone offers me a seat, it will be a sign I’m old.</p>
<p>But here’s one of my serious peeves. People who get to a theater, etc, early and then drape their clothes all over empty seats, and say, “They’re taken,” especially when the people they’re taken for may not arrive until well after the proceedings begin. There’s a special place in Hell for them, which is right next to the place for people with twice as many items in the supermarket express check out line, which is right next to the place for people who plant themselves in the check out line and then send their kids all over the store to pick up additional items. (maybe they’re all the same people.)</p>
<p>I always hold a reserved seat at events for which seats aren’t assigned. Either I will bring my disabled mother in with me at the beginning, which means hubby has to park far away and walk back so I hold his seat, or I go in ahead and hold the seats and hubby brings mom in after the crowds have died down.</p>
<p>On public transportation I give up my seat and have taught my kids to do the same. At an event with open seating - not so much. If someone knows they absolutely need to sit in a certain way/place or type of seat then it is incumbent upon that individual to arrive on time - or if needed - way ahead of time - to make sure that their needs can be accommodated. In the case of my elderly parents and MIL, we often go in separate vehicles, not because of space, but precisely because of timing. The ‘seat scout’ will often arrive way way ahead of the rest of the party so that our older folks will be assured a comfortable place. </p>
<p>And, I will resist moving to the center at a movie or other such venue to accommodate those coming in late. If it was that important to you to sit together then it should have been important enough to get your collective butts there in time. Someone’s lack of planning does not constitute an obligation on my (or my family’s) part to inconvenience ourselves.</p>
<p>I remember taking a bus daily while pregnant is San Francisco. The businessmen and women would avoid my eyes, as well as any teenager. Once members of Nation of Islam got on the bus and shamed someone into giving me a seat. I found it rare for people to give up seats out West to the elderly. I now live in the Midwest and most of the kids from hs would give up a seat for an elderly person or maybe a pregnant mother, though a gently nudge from a parent is in order. Of course, this is also a place where people will pop up and open a door for me, even though my only frailty seem to be that I am a female.</p>
<p>When DH and I were in New Orleans several months ago, he gave up his seat several times on the trolley to elderly women and men and once to a pregnant woman. I, too, am happy to give up my seat to the same. I know DD would do the same. </p>
<p>
I do the same. Sometimes DH, DD and I will meet at a movie theater when we get off work. If I beat them there, I’ll go on in and get seats and save two for them; after all, I want to sit with my family, not with strangers. Because I like an aisle seat (claustrophobia), I always arrive very early in order to get the seat I want. Arriving early to get a seat is the key to any event that might be crowded. I have noticed on several occasions when two males attend a move together, they’ll leave one seat between them. I don’t have a problem with that unless the theater is crowded in which case it is rude.</p>
<p>I live in NYC. Two women in the office had kids a couple of years ago and we were talking about who gives up a seat to a pregnant woman.It hasn’t changed since I was pregnant.</p>
<p>Worst group–never gets up? White males in suits. </p>
<p>Best group? Hispanics, especially Hispanic men. </p>
<p>African-American and Asian men fall in between. </p>
<p>Working class men definitely more helpful than suits. </p>
<p>Years ago, when I was much younger, a pregnant Hispanic woman got on my subway car. She was pushing a stroller with a baby about a year old in it and holding the hand of a child about 4. She looked exhausted. I got up and gave her my seat. About a dozen Hispanic men in the car jumped up and offered me a seat. They were mortified that they hadn’t offered. </p>
<p>All of the other men in the car just sat there. </p>
<p>I’m getting older now and I do get offered a seat, especially when I am carrying a lot of things. Same deal–Hispanic men offer me their seats. White men never do.</p>
<p>The post reminds me of the elementary school talent shows and choir concerts. We would arrive an hour early to get seats - good seats in the front. After sitting for an hour, no, I would not expect my kids to give up their seats to a late comer…well maybe an 80 year old late comer.</p>
<p>What does make me crazy at events that are held in churches is when some people are way spread out - purses and coats and programs taking up three spaces - while others are standing.</p>
<p>Funny story: when we were in Italy, we got tickets to a Papal Audience. We arrived 2 hours early to get good seats on the aisle. We sat in the hot June sun for 2 hours waiting. When the Popemobile is coming, people stand up along the aisle. It was at that point that a nun pushed her way in front of my kids…how were we going to not allow a nun to have the best view of the Pope when we aren’t even Catholic? (I thought afterwards that nuns probably never have to wait in line for anything at the Vatican because people feel like I did.)</p>
<p>I taught my boys to give up seats to seniors citizens, someone who is physically disabled and obviously hugely pregnant women. I don’t think they need to give them up to healthy young adults or even healthy middle age adults which is somewhat of a change from the way I was raised where you give your seat up to any adult.</p>
<p>If the concert was about the start I would worry that discussing the situation with my kids, talking to you, switching seats and getting settled might disrupt the beginning of the concert. So, unless you were obviously infirm or uncomfortable I wouldn’t bother my kids to get up.</p>
<p>My etiquette pet peeve is baseball hats! Are they really necessary in a restaurant? Is it too sunny in here for you? Are you going to be pinch hitting soon? sheesh.</p>
<p>“baseball hats” I just assume that they are balding. And I’m usually right. H says:" Hipsters and their hats. It’s the new millennial comb over."</p>
<p>Indeed. I would like to see a lot more intervention by someone in charge in these situations. It seems that the term “usher” has come to denote someone who stands in the doorway and hands programs (or prayerbooks) to people who are entering the room. There is actually NO ONE inside the room, surveying the situation, noticing that people are having trouble finding seats, intervening to ask people to move their belongings off of empty seats, fill in the seats between members of their party, or otherwise identify the available seats so that people can sit down. This aggravates me no end. </p>
<p>But open seating just aggravates me in every way. I hate having to defend my territory. Give me a ticket with a seat assignment on it, a place card telling me which table is mine, etc. Otherwise, I’ll spend hours before the event fretting about seating.</p>
<p>However, my father and several older adults also made it a point that no one has the right to rudely demand your seat on public transit after several incidents of curmudgeonly senior citizens who went so far as to verbally abuse/curse out elementary school classmates for not giving up their seat instantly prompted the neighborly bull session among some friends’ parents. Point was…while one should always be courteous…one should also never allow oneself to be bullied into being a doormat and worse…reward bad behavior of anyone. </p>
<p>Personally, I give up my seat to senior citizens, pregnant mothers, and parents with little kids/hands full unless they happen to be extremely rude/demanding about it. Latter only happened to me a couple of times.</p>
<p>Concert/venue seating…not unless the person is a senior or disabled. In this context, I believe those who arrive early/on-time should not be effectively penalized for the sake of latecomers.</p>
<p>Since I also like an aisle seat I get really irked when I go to a theater and am asked to scoot over before the performance, especially since not everyone will do it. I also hate to go to outdoor seating (Shakespere in the park) and see people take up huge patches of space for a small party.And those who bring full-size lawn chairs to said events then sit in front of people deserve a special place in hell.</p>