<p>Will you allow your 19 year old daughter go to a college 8 hours from your home?
She just accepted into University at Buffalo and we live in New York City.</p>
<p>Yes. My D is going to college 16 hours away next week. We live in Iowa and she is going to Tulane in New Orleans. It is just a plane ride away!</p>
<p>First of all, a 19 year old is an ADULT, so the idea that a parent is “allowing her” is a bit ridiculous. She doesn’t even need your permission to get married.</p>
<p>Secondly, a 19 year old woman is old enough to go to college on another continent, so certainly can go to college a mere 8 hours away.</p>
<p>My 18 year old niece is going to college 2000 miles away from home, and if you were to look over the CC forum, you’d see that my niece is not alone at all.</p>
<p>Cut the cord mommy…she was born 19 years ago.</p>
<p>I think mom2collegekids is speaking a little strongly here.</p>
<p>There are some subgroups in our society in which the idea of a young person going to college far from home is unfamiliar and uncomfortable, especially if the young person is female. This idea may seem strange to some people on the CC boards, but it is not all that unusual in our society as a whole.</p>
<p>I learned this quite dramatically the day my daughter was accepted to her first choice college, which happened to be a highly selective university 7 hours from home. At the time, I happened to be in the hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I told my roommate about my daughter’s good news, and she gave me a funny look and said, “Why would she want to do something like that? She could go to [name of our local community college] right here.” In her family, which had a background very different from mine, few people ever went to college, and those who did commuted to local schools. Nobody ever considered any alternatives.</p>
<p>And even if the OP is not from a group in which going away to college is unusual, the idea of having a young daughter far from home may seem uncomfortable, especially if the idea arose in a hurry. (Given the date, I suspect that the young woman was just accepted into Buffalo off the wait list and had planned to attend college in NYC.)</p>
<p>I think, though, that the situation should work out well. Most 19-year-olds are ready for this much independence. And although Buffalo may be an 8-hour drive from NYC, it’s also accessible by plane, and the flight is a short one, so if an emergency arose either for the daughter or the family, someone could get to the other location quite quickly. </p>
<p>Also, and this is just my personal experience, it seems to me that young people from NYC tend to be even more mature and independent than suburban kids of the same age, probably because they had greater physical freedom starting in their early teens, thanks to the ready availability of public transportation.</p>
<p>Exactly. One of my parents does not agree. Ever since I told them I’m transferring, the household has been chaotic. There is always arguments. I just want a chance to go to a school where I can make my dreams into a reality but whenever I open my mouth and say I’m going there is always arguments. I don’t even know what to do anymore.</p>
<p>Tough situation, Chastity. Is your family financing your education?</p>
<p>I got the acceptance letter a month ago.
And financial aid will cover most of it.</p>
<p>Great response, Marian (as usual :)). OP, might there be a specific reason your parents are upset about this? Are there health concerns - do you need consistent medical care? Does UB mean a financial hardship for your parents? Do they depend on you for help with an older family member or a family business? Or is it that people in your family don’t usually venture far from home, even as adults?</p>
<p>It’s not at all unusual for CC parents to have daughters a continent or ocean away. Look for an opportunity to have a calm conversation with your family, and keep your temper even if things get heated. Ask what they need from you to be comfortable with the distance - a weekly phone call? Daily text? If you need your parents’ financial support to go to UB this semester, and they won’t provide it, perhaps you could defer until January and save the money yourself.</p>
<p>I agree with mom2collegekids. Two of my older female cousins started college at 17-18 on campuses 1000-2000 miles away and did well…and that was before cell phones or even internet access was commonplace. </p>
<p>Kids from parents who are this clingy often end up hurting their kids by depriving them of opportunities to gain and grow from greater independence. Saw the results of this firsthand in college and in the workplace…it rarely ends well IME.</p>
<p>BTW: I myself am also from NYC and went off to a similarly distanced college by myself at 17.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath and start packing, Chastity, and bring some stuff for when it’s freezing - the UB campus can be an arctic tundra in January!! :)</p>
<p>Both kids went cross-country to southern CA. With the first, parents both locally and even in CA (during orientation) were surprised that S would choose to leave an area with abundant colleges and universities of great renown. My response was that the choice was either flying or driving five/six hours, and we chose to fly. ;-)</p>
<p>Seriously, though, having some distance between school and home can foster students’ independence and growth, as well as help students focus on being part of the school community. Good luck!</p>
<p>Chastity, my dtr will be going up Sat to begin her 2nd year at Buffalo. She had a wonderful freshman year there and is looking forward to another. Her roommate is from Brooklyn and takes a bus back and forth. I realize it is difficult for some parents to let their children go & grow but it is a necessary and healthy progression in life. Stay calm and proceed to take advantage of this opportunity and as you succeed eventually your family will come to accept that you are capable of leading your own life but first you have to be strong enough to leave despite their resistance.</p>
<p>Chastity,
Son and his girlfriend (they met at UB) are going to be starting their Jr year at Buffalo. We are so happy with the school and education. The kids are too.</p>
<p>Buffalo is a short flight from NY. I don’t think of it as 8 hrs away. Just a drive to the airport. By the way, the airport in Buffalo is not far from campus. The kids are flying back this week for just $40!!!</p>
<p>By the way, 19 is not too young for a girl to go away to school. I was 17 when I went away (6 hrs from home) and then transferred at age 19 to a school 17 hrs away by car. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Just got back a few hours hours ago from dropping of daughter 3000 miles across country. Did I cry the 3 hours drive plus the 4.5 hour airline flight home? I sure did. Felt like my heart was torn out of my chest. But I know she is happy at her dream school something she worked so hard for. Be happy for her and give her your blessing. It’s her turn…This book I am reading says you will go through the three stages of grief, relief then joy. Book is called Beyond the Mommy years, it has helped me alot…</p>
<p>My daughter is at college 775 miles from home.</p>
<p>NYC to Buffalo is less than 300 miles… how can that be an 8 hour drive?</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>Overly-cautious people drive very, very slowly. ;)</p>
<p>My friend’s D and my accountant’s son are both at UB and both live downstate - one in Suffolk and the other in Westchester. OTOH, my H is refusing to allow my rising senior to apply there because his sister went there and we’re still waitng for her to graduate as she nears 60. It’s not the school, it’s just H’s memories of the horrible drives with his sister.</p>
<p>That said, our D is at a SUNY on the other side of NY and we live on LI.</p>
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<p>It’s closer to 400 miles…7 hours unless you make stops.</p>
<p>I grew up in Buffalo. Best time to NYC – 6.50 hrs. Worst time: 8+. It all depends on the snow. I-90 is 2 lanes, so it can slow down when there’s snow blowing across the thruway.</p>
<p>UB (University of Buffalo) is a great school. I say go for it! What with cell phones, email and skype, no one is as far away as they seem. And Jet Blue will get you there quickly and cheaply.</p>
<p>Buffalo is home to some wonderful architecture, and some of the nicest, most down-to-earth people you will ever meet.</p>
<p>This should have been discussed before the application was submitted.</p>