Hey guys relatively new here. So apparently someone I know from school (who is very extroverted and social) has invited his guidance counselor to lunch/dinner many times. I never even knew that that was actually a thing that students did. Ever since my mom found out about this she has been telling me to do the same so I can brag about my achievements and she can write me an awesome letter of rec etc etc. However, I don’t like this idea because not only am I not as outgoing as he is (still social mind you), it also seems insulting to the guidance counselor’s authority and that he/she learns nothing except the fact that the student is rich and conceited. I feel as if I can do my share of bragging during the mandatory Junior meeting (where we are supposed to fill out a packet beforehand with ecs achievements etc and bring it to him/her) and still have him/her write an amazing letter of rec.
Who is right in this case?
That seems really sketchy… Maybe you could visit the counselor during school hours (lunch, maybe?) and get to know each other then instead? You could demonstrate some intellectual curiosity by asking them about colleges or for advice, and then talk (or brag) about your achievements and interests so they’re familiar with you who you are when they write your rec.
I doubt anybody’s stupid or unprofessional enough to think, “oh, since so-and-so bought me lunch I’m going to write them a better rec than this other guy” if they know both of you equally as well.
It’s possible that the guidance counselor is already a family friend.
Beyond that, the guidance counselor has his/her own family and friends, and really does NOT have time (or hopefully the inclination) to hang out with students.
If you want your guidance counselor to get to know you better, please schedule an appointment in her office at school.
Your guidance counselor is a professional. Please treat her as such.
if my guidance counselor ate out with every student he has, he would be mad crazy obese
I agree with @bjkmom, my current guidance counselor has been a close friend of my mom’s since she was a member of our local Board of Ed. The guidance counselor also helps out with the hockey team, taking pictures for us and organizing Spirit wear orders. Even though I’m close with her, I still don’t think I’d go out to lunch or dinner lol; that does seen a tad bit odd…
Thanks for the responses. These are exactly what I thought, but my mom has apparently thought otherwise. I will think about this once she bring brings up this topic again.
Why don’t you bring it up… tell mom you’re planning to make an appointment with your guidance counselor, and ask mom what she thinks you should plan to discuss? Perhaps even write up a resume, so there’s something the counselor can have in front of her when advising you in the future? Ask mom to help you come up with a list of what you’ve done that could be included.
In that context, it’s not the bragging you’re worried about, it’s using your guidance counselor to help you get into college.
Honestly, spending time with a counselor outside of school sounds really creepy unless they are a relative or family friend or sports team coach or smth.
Exactly! Its creepy and weird and I don’t know why my mom would tell me to do it just because someone else does it. I’m glad everyone is on the same page as me.
I was actually going to schedule an appointment with her soon about some summer programs that I’m applying to. But NOT at a restaurant sometime after school-- way too strange according to me.
Just out of curiosity, do people do this in college?
I think that it would be a wonderful opportunity. Not only would it bolster your relationship with the student counselor, is would also be definitely be beneficial for you in ways such as recommendations, etc… Even if you don’t like that person, I think that it would be wise to give up maybe 30 minutes of your time once to receive the benefits, and who knows, maybe you will have a pleasant time!
It is obvious that your mother has a good relationship with that person, and would NOT let you spend time with a “creepy” person. You should listen to her, as she probably knows that it would be for YOUR benefit. But it seems like you have your mind set on not wanting to go. Try opening up your mind and really think through all the good things that will come out. There is NOTHING bad that can come out of it.
@swissmontenegrin soo you want me to invite my guidance counselor to Panera Bread? It’s not that I’m unwilling to meet her, it’s that I’m unwilling to invite her to go out to dinner at a restaurant with me. THAT is what is creepy to me, not the guidance counselor him/herself. By all means I would love to meet her as I have a couple of times already, but if you think going to Panera Bread together is a good idea I might try it.
Well I don’t want you to do anything, and don’t think that you are doing me a favor by doing this. I am simply stating what I think would be more beneficial from you, but you can take it as you would like. Since I am not from the US, (Probably my name gives it away 
) I am not sure what Panera Bread is, but I would think that since you are inviting an older person than yourself, it would be appropriate to invite them to a nice restaurant (Not formal though and not extremely expensive), and pay for the entire meal (Or at least try to, as I am sure that that person will try to be polite and will maybe want to pay for even you). Just when you come up to her, don’t make a big deal out of it and ask politely. If you really have trouble doing this, you can also ask your mother to do it, it would work out also fine.
I have had many lunches with teachers on my own, even with my school director, and doing so has only had positive effects. Once you do have dinner, the counselor will always think, “Oh what a nice person who invited me out to lunch/dinner!”.
@swissmontenegrin ohh ok I see what you’re saying, your last post made it seem like as if you assumed that I disliked my guidance counselor and didn’t want to talk to her at all. I will definitely consider it.
Sorry, as a teacher, I think it’s crossing a line, big time.
I’m friendly enough with my kids. But as professionals dealing with kids, we have to be so very careful about appearances. You’ve probably noticed that your teachers always give extra help with the door open, and are very careful about limiting any physical contact. There are lots of good reasons for all that.
Your guidance counselor is a professional. Treat her as such. Just as I wouldn’t invite my OB-GNY or my dentist out for lunch, I would have a problem accepting such a request from a student. Even if it was all above board, the appearance itself could do a job on my professional reputation.
Again, your guidance counselor is a professional. Trust her to know how to do her job within the confines of her professional office.
From my experience at least, teachers have never taken it as a grave offense for a student to invite them out to lunch, rather many have told me that they appreciated it and that it was a kind gesture. Maybe it’s because the culture in Europe is different and it is more acceptable here but there is no way that I can imagine for there to be any repricussions that come from it. I mean imagine a teacher reporting you to the principle or even being angry at such a gesture, I can’t.
And since another person has already asked the councilor I presume that it is alright. But that is just my thinking, it doesn’t have to be right.
That’s gross oldie and a student on a date?
Our schools have rules in which teachers and coaches can’t even individually text a student much less see them off campus alone.
I would not recommend it, especially if it may seem like a bribe. You can certainly schedule an appointment in his or her office hours, but going outside of school (unless the person has indicated that they would be willing to entertain such a notion) sounds a bit creepy. There’s plenty of time to get to know them and show who you are if you go to their office a few times a year (you can even bring lunch if its around lunchtime), but the guidance counselor recommendation isn’t weighted that heavily in admissions anyway. Colleges recognize that students are able to have varying levels of contact with their counselors due to school size, resources, and other factors.
As for your other question, many professors in college will have office hours in college where they invite students to talk to them where often conversation trails off to non-academic subjects. Some of my professors even invite students out to coffee or grab lunch with them while they discuss things from class. Like last weekend our professor and our class went out for lunch on Saturday. But it is usually the professor’s invite and you’ve usually established some sort of relationship with them at this point, whereas with the counselor in high school it seems kind of tacky, especially if you are asking them to do something for you immediately after.