<p>I thoroughly enjoyed this entire thread. It helped me breathe a little easier too. Silver, I feel like I could definitely hang with you.</p>
<p>We’re not facing anything near what you are facing, but it is scary to look at colleges that cost more for 3 semesters than we paid for our house. But, we are okay financially and will survive. </p>
<p>Our daughter was completely turned off by all our state schools. </p>
<p>She has been accepted at several pricey private schools that she is excited about and waiting to hear from some others. She hasn’t gotten all her financial aid offers but we think we’re looking at financing 10 to 15,000 a year after scholarships and grants and it is scaring me (I work in public service and that is half my salary for a year.) </p>
<p>I guess we’re lucky because I think we will only have to work for 5 years after death!</p>
<p>The funny thing is, our daughter is so chill about all this. She’s just excited to get out her small town hig school. </p>
<p>I’ll be glad when we have all the info. I think the best advice from this thread is just to wait another week or so and all will become clear. And I guess we can just try to be chill like our kids.</p>
<p>A couple of times in t he past few years, moms have posted their anxieties in late March. Berurah was one, Alumother was another. They imagined the worst–and a few short weeks later, both were blown over by the best of all possible outcomes.</p>
<p>So, suggestion number one: take deep breaths until April 1st.</p>
<p>Suggestion 2. Get online with son and look at all the course offerings at NEU. Lay out all four years and see if there are enough courses in his major to keep him happy. Ask CC posters like marite to PM you with faculty recommendations. Look at the JYA possiblities. Look at grad schools–and the possibility of senior thesis. If he is going to go to NEU, he should go with eyes wide open.</p>
<p>Repeat same exercise with UMaryland. Can he take 3 semesters abroad at Maryland?</p>
<p>Suggestion 3. Make a pact that you and son will not make a decision until after admitted students days. Book son in to make overnight visits in April.</p>
<p>Suggestion 4: Get son to call Brandeis (or Vassar if they come through) and tell them that he has an offer from NEU. See if they will match the $12K.</p>
<p>This homework should keep you busy until the other offers come in.</p>
<p>You’ve done a great job of illustrating your family. You have special needs to consider. $125K is a family decision–in your case. I like mombot’s suggestion but I think you could modify it to say “I support you in the choice between any of these 3/4/5/6 schools but we cannot afford x,y,z.”</p>
<p>1 . OK, breathing is good, can’t argue with that (deep breaths do kind of hurt my shoulder though!)
2. My son wouldn’t go online with me to look at courses at a college if his life depended on it, and if I mentioned the term senior thesis he would probably run away to… um…college. He (obviously) works hard and will do great in college, he just hates to spend any time acting like someone who acts like he thinks too much about college and …stuff. He has no idea about CC… I’m like an addict… he just came home from stage crew (Pirates of Penzance… great sets!) and I covered up the screen like this was porn!
3A. OK – no decisions until after visit days. But what does that have to do with… obsessing?
3b. He won’t do overnights (“Mom, I’m not going to make a decision about college based on whether some random guy I stayed with was cool or not, whether some professor was boring, if the dorm rooms were fancy or what they served for breakfast.”)*
4. My son would never ever ever ever call a school and ask them to match an offer… he would on principle go to U. MD! In that he is completely his father’s son (perhaps the only way?) I hate to be stereotypical, but so Japanese! (One of my regular worries, “Oh, my wife is dying and needs a liver/heart/brain… no, there’s no problem with waiting for everyone else to go first…” wait… that presupposes he noticed I stopped breathing… where was I?
Even supposing he/I called, I HIGHLY doubt Oberlin, Vassar or Oberlin would care if NEU offered him $$$! At most an eensy bit… (although I’m not above asking!)</p>
<p>You’re all great!</p>
<p>*When we were visiting schools, he finally decided his primary criteria were: No more than 2 students wearing the same school Tshirt or sweat shirt; a sense of “energy and excitement” that was intellectual and creative; opportunities for interdisciplinary studies; very few required courses (requirements were fine if they could be fulfilled in different ways); strong in math/science and the humanities; not overwhelmingly jock/preppy/status conscious; well respected and prestigious, but not stuck up or hyper competitive; preferably near a cool city or with a ton of cultural activities on campus, especially concerts and films. He absolutely was not going to choose a school based on creature comforts or whether the tour guides were friendly or the food was good or the gym had new equipment… those were all pleasant extras, but not central decision factors. Sensible little boy!</p>
<p>LOL…I can understadn that he doesn’t want to do overnights–but I am not buying his ‘caresville’ posturing. Put him up in a motel if need be. Would he travel up there alone? I think that would be the best idea. Let him go and re-assess without mum and dad. </p>
<p>He won’t call and ask Brandeis for money? Then he doesn’t want to go there badly enough. Or he’s afraid they will say no. That’s him. You have to step away from the decision then. Maybe he cwould agree to an email to the fin aid office?</p>
<p>His criteria are cute…but this is real life and real money and he’s a real MAN now. You’ve gotten enough warning about NEU to know that he’d better take a look at the course offerings before signing up. Print the courselistings out and bring them to the dinner table for a general conversation. </p>
<p>Trap him while he’s eating. Works for me with my boys. Studied SAT vocab with both boys at the dinner table.</p>
<p>Lots of boys prefer to live in the moment. Their anticipation skills get better with increased testosterone which kicks in a bout three years too late for college selection. They can be plenty analytical though.</p>
<p>Suggestion 5: Start playing Lotto cause I think it’s going to come down to UMd and some great but expensive schools, not NEU.</p>
<p>Cheers, Brandeis is not going to bid against NEU… NEU is way down the list in terms of competition. (I’m not dissing NEU – my daughter applied and was accepted… but it was a SAFETY. Brandeis sees itself as competing with Tufts. Just not in the same league. They’d laugh. Really. </p>
<p>In any case… it sounds like it sounds to me like Silver’s son is doing fine on his own. I don’t think she needs to be nudging her son any more. My d. did not do an overnight at her college. It’s o.k. when they don’t.</p>
<p>Silversenior… I’ve read your posts about your health and your financials, and about your son, and I’m getting the sense that you are stressing far more than you need to be. You said your son is the adaptable/flexible/resilient one in the family, so obviously he is going to do well wherever he goes. I think academics at U Md Honors are equal or better to NEU – again, not a dig at NEU, just I think that the choice is between two excellent colleges. So if your son decides on U Md. (which I think he might) … it probably is because that is obviously the best, most practical choice for him, given family circumstances. </p>
<p>With your health issues and his younger sib’s special needs, he can’t really count on completing 4 years at a college that is more than the family can afford. NEU at least has some flexibility with the co-op program - he would have an opportunity to earn some money – but it doesn’t sound like its really the best school for him.</p>
<p>Plus, you are stressing at a time when you still haven’t heard from two colleges – Vassar & Oberlin. Things may change with their financial aid awards – I assume you included a note with the CSS Profile explaining that he has special needs. So you may get more need based aid than you thought.</p>
<p>Anyway… I know it is a stressful time for everyone, but I think you should take a cue from your son and just cool down and wait. You know that your son has one good, affordable option he seems happy with: so what’s to worry? Either he will go with that or he will go with another choice that works out better for him… but from what you say about him, I’m pretty confident that he is one of those kids who is ruled more by reason than emotion, and he probably is going to opt for a choice that meets his basic requirements and doesn’t bankrupt his family.</p>
<p>You may be right calmom, but I’ve learned you don’t get anything if you dont’ ask for it. It’s at least worth the qeustion–which would be accompanied by further explanation of the family circumstances. Also, I think it’s a bit harsh to say Brandeis would ‘laugh’. The kid sounds like a great asset. He’s male. You never know what they might say.</p>
<p>In fairness, your D would have travelled from Calif. for an overnight. I didn’t say it was necessary–mine didn’t do them and S1, DH and I never even visited a our colleges prior to the day we arrived as freshman. Nada tours of visits of our colleges. </p>
<p>Heck, I can move continents without a visit–and have done so twice.</p>
<p>In this case, though, an overnight might provide a good framework for making the decision.</p>
<p>Also, I happen to be an advocate of moving to distant lands for college if you get the chance. Learning to live in a great city is at least as valuable as sitting in a classroom–would be my opinion. I understand the OP’s hesitation about the school down the street. I understand the angst. </p>
<p>Maybe UMd turns out to be the best bet. It’s his safety and that’s great–but let’s give the woman a chance to obsess over the choices.</p>
<p>silvesenior: I didn’t read all the posts here, but would just like to add that I think a student’s choice of school can be as far away as he or she wants it to be (regardless of whether it’s only a 10 minute drive). If the student is independent, he’ll do fine whether he’s 10 miles away or 1,000 miles. Choosing UMD might also enable him to have more opportunities for travel (study abroad, summer programs) and not worry so much about the cost involved. Kids who don’t have to worry so much about that cost, are often more willing, or more open, to taking on opportunities, like unpaid (but really rewarding) internships, or travel. I also think that, sometimes, kids who go to school close to home often become <em>more</em> independent–a reaction of sorts, I guess. (So you may never see him if he chooses UMD!) He should certainly visit, but UMD sounds like a great option for him.</p>
<p>I think many things are coming together for my son… and here is the biggest thing – yesterday I think he discovered that the DC metro area might be, at least for 4 college years, the kind of exciting, energetic place he is looking for. Until now, having lived here for 7 years, he thinks it is is the most boring place in the world… comprised of suburban strip malls, school, where mom and dad work and infinitely boring museums, monuments and places where terrorists /snipers will bomb/shoot any moment. ;)</p>
<p>He has started to get out more on his own (I’ve been pushing, I tell you!). Yesterday, his gang of four got free tickets to “some musical at some college.” He came home positively buoyant!!! Turns out one of the four (one is his girl friend, one is another girl, one is a gay Vietnamese first generation immigrant – hooray for diversity!) got free tickets from the schools Gay-Straight Association to see the Washington Gay Men’s Chorus do the Wizard of Oz. S had NO idea what he was going to see! (His favorite music is the Ramones and the Drop Kick Murphy’s and the Offspring). So the first hung out in Dupont Circle – bookstores, cafes, infinite parade of humankind – then went to GW univeristy, to Listner Auditorium to hear some of the world’s finest singing and perhaps the strangest staging of the Wizard of Oz! And he stopped at home for a few moments on his way to the closing night of his own school play… buoyant and full of life and said, “When I go the U.Md. I’ll finally be able to use all those metro cards I have. I never knew Washington was a REAL city!” </p>
<p>And I had the GOOD SENSE not to say “I’ve been trying to drag you out of the house to some of those city things for years you silly…”</p>
<p>My daughter is in a similar situation with Philadelphia - she has found a lot more interesting things to see and do there while at college right outside the city than she did while growing up in another suburb of the city. And, as I said earlier, she does not come home any more often than if she was much further away. I am glad to hear your happy news!</p>
<p>Sooooo happy for your son ( and you!) that he is rediscovering his own back yard! </p>
<p>We live in northern NJ and our son has found infinite reasons to head into NYC and Philly from his central NJ campus. Our home, while close geographically, just can’t compete!
We’re happy that he’s taking advantage of all around him. Also, mastered all modes of mass transit and car travel that I have yet to figure out.
Great life skills.</p>