<p>Wow, this thread is long. Googling roommates has hit a chord. I think the reason this is so interesting is it shows how differently we parent today than our parent’s or grandparent’s generation did. Although we went off to college at the same age as kids do now, and although my parents assumed all financial responsibility for my university, I feel like my parents had far less visibility into my social life once I was gone. I really don’t think they were interested in personally finding out about my roommates and friends (on their own), but they did ask about them in conversations with me.</p>
<p>Absurd as this comparison may sound, imagine googling your kids work cohorts- the other bag boys at Publix, the waiters in the restaurant your daughter hostesses at, the other interns in the office you son is working over the summer. Or imagine googling your daughter’s sorority sisters, or your sons lacrosse teammates. It might sound far fetched, but I can see it happening. </p>
<p>Just as an aside, my son had a great roommate his frosh year, but he didn’t “hang out” with him. They got along well as bunk mates, but that was as far as the relationship went. I’d be much more concerned about the people he actually hung out with on a daily basis if I were googling. </p>
<p>The internet has really changed our lives in so many ways, even to the ways we parent.</p>
<p>^I agree with all you say, except I don’t give the Internet permission to change the way I parent. If I parent differently because of it, that is my responsibility based on choices I made–the Internet didn’t make me do it.</p>
<p>I feel that way also about the much-used “genie’s out of the bottle” line. I still can decide what to ask the genie for, and use my ethics/etiquette/values when I do so.</p>
<p>Actually, I did answer the question, and then added the googling part.
The thing that makes this thread so interesting is all the layers of meaning
you add to the permission to google (being evasive, oneupsmanship).
We have this tool (google) and already it implies so many things to us -
about status, about possible privacy violation, about reciprocity of
relationship information, about propriety. It’s just fascinating, and an
anonymous bulletin board of intelligent adults is the perfect place to
hash it out.</p>
<p>But let me elaborate - this was an old and very close friend and we
got together to talk about career paths, and to catch up. It made sense
in context, and I’m quite sure he wasn’t offended.</p>
<p>You are right, if the conversation was with another stay-at-home mom,
or in a group of people it may have been an oafish thing to say.</p>
<p>Sure, everyone is free to embrace or not any sort of new technology. You don’t even need to own a computer if you don’t want one. But where people are wasting their time here is with all the clucking disapproval of the choices or parenting of others based on how they embrace or not the same new technology. Like I said, what is being argued about here is set of rules of etiquette that never existed.</p>
<p>I don’t know if etiquette is the word for it, although I understand what you mean. If I sit in front of my computer all day googling porn sites, it’s not breaking rules of etiquette, although it’s generally not considered sound mental health. </p>
<p>I had a neighbor that tapped into the courthouse record site (legally) and looked up another neighbor’s divorce settlement. He learned how much the guy had in his bank account, real estate, savings, etc.; how much alimony/settlement he paid his ex-wife; how the children were to be raised…</p>
<p>I gotta ask, even though this is legal, is it normal to want to know all this stuff about someone you barely know? </p>
<p>Maybe some psychologists out there can answer this question.</p>
<p>When does normal curiousity cross over into voyeurism?</p>
<p>doubleplay, normal curiosity is hard to define these days. When there are reporters staking out the likes of Paris Hilton 24/7 and people who actually watch their reports or buy their magazines… where and when Paris shops or who Jennifer Anniston is dating is none of my business and I really don’t care, but a lot of people seem to think they have the right and NEED to know everything about every body.</p>
<p>Having said that, I can see how someone would want to google their kids roommate. It’s probably being a bit over-involved in your 18 year old’s life, but it’s certainly understandable to want to do it out of concern for your child’s safety. I’d come down on the side of, “Don’t do it,” but I wouldn’t necessarily berate someone who did.</p>
<p>Let’s see. On this thread so far, it has been stated or implied that we roomie googlers are: creepy, deceitful, nosy, tactless, discourteous, bizarre, freaky, voyeuristic, unethical, over-involved, strange, unnecessary busybodies possessed of abnormal curiousity and improper etiquette, who skulk around the internet for the purpose of intruding in the lives of their adult children and those of other people. Is that about right? Egads! I’m going to need therapy for the rest of my life to feel good about myself ever again. I never knew!</p>
<p>I didn’t mean that people who google their or their kids roommates are voyeurs! I was talking about the guy who looked up the neighbors financial status under the courthouse website. I don’t think this type of information even comes up if you do a simple “google”. I hope not!!</p>
<p>I was posing a question as to how far is too far? A simple google? Looking in the courthouse records for criminal/traffic records? Looking for deeds and divorce info? Looking at tax records? I’m not judging here- I was just interested in taking this off onto a little tangent.</p>
<p>Well, S got his roommate assignment today. He will be with 2 sophs who appear to be friends who, from what S found on Facebook, appear to enjoy partying. S isn’t into partying. Should be an interesting year…</p>
<p>Northstarmom–The situation doesn’t sound great, but will probably end up just fine. My daughter’s roommate is a more ardent partier than she is and they have a very good relationship. They’ve compromised: roomie can party all she wants–just not in their dorm room.</p>
<p>Northstarmom,
Is your son going to a certain college in central Florida? If so, there’s a certain “party reputation” thing going on there. It may not be as bad as you think. Maybe a little saber rattling (bragging) going on.</p>
<p>Coureur–yeah, all new technologies start out without rules of etiquette to moderate them.</p>
<p>When I flew down to North Carolina last weekend, rules of etiquette dictated who got their bags off the overheads when, who let who go by, who gave extra room to the poor guy with long legs stuck in the middle seat, etc, etc.
Etiquette is always being generated for the needs of the present capabilities.</p>
<p>I think that’s exactly what this discussion is about.</p>
<p>bethievt–You are one of the nicest people on CC–not a creep at all, even if you do google roommates! As a fellow googler (newly reformed?) I’ll freely admit to being a bit on the eccentric side myself–and perhaps a tad clingy, over-protective, and obnoxiously curious when it comes to my offspring. But all-in-all, I’m a harmless soul. Really.</p>
<p>It’s not all that uncommon for incoming first years to be roomed with upperclassmen. If two friends move into a triple, someone has to be the third, right? Housing assignments for upperclassmen isn’t like fitting together a puzzle. At many schools, students choose their rooms in some form or another after freshman year, and they may choose a room that has a spot or two extra. I’ll be rooming with two freshman next year along with someone in my own class.</p>
<p>My best guess is that S was paired with sophs because the sophs got assigned a rare triple and since S took a gap year, the administration figured he’d be able to fit in with older students. It will be interesting to find out if S also has some academic or other common interests with his roommates.</p>
<p>Interestingly, the freshmen all have to take one freshman seminar – interesting classes taught by the best professors. The college has been working hard to put freshmen who are in the same seminar together in the same dorms. It seems, however, that S may be in the group of freshmen who aren’t in living arrangements with their seminar classmates. Again, S may have drawn the short straw since he is older than the other freshmen and has done a lot of things indicating he’d have an easier time adjusting to living away from home, etc. than do many freshmen.</p>
<p>S has been cleaning his room and realized that he must have 100 (I am not exaggerating. Many are related to his volunteer work. ) T-shirts, but has only one pair of worn shorts. Getting shorts is on his list of things to do quickly before going to college.</p>
<p>Thanks Hindoo; I’m a bit clingy and over-protective too. But I notice we’re both allowing our kids to go pretty far away from home for college.</p>
<p>corranged</p>
<p>What luck for those first year, having you for a roommate!</p>
<p>nsm</p>
<p>My son has 3 drawers and half a closet full of t-shirts. We never buy them–every activity just comes with one or more. I’m told college will be the same so he shouldn’t bring many. They all turn into precious mementos so we can’t get rid of them.</p>
I was talking about the guy who looked up the neighbors financial status under the courthouse website. I don’t think this type of information even comes up if you do a simple “google”. I hope not!!</p>