<p>I imagine that I would respect that too. Our family dynamic is just different. We’re unusually tight.</p>
<p>busdriver11 - My kids are pretty stealthy too, but then I tried Twitter!!! I find that Twitter users hardly ever set restrictions on who can see their tweets. S2 was on a school trip and I heard that some of the other kids were tweeting pics. Then I checked out S1’s account and found several pics that he (and others) posted too.</p>
<p>Moms of boys - we take whatever ‘communication’ we can find!</p>
<p>My D actually said that she likes being friends with me on Facebook because it makes her mindful of what she posts. 
And I’ve noticed that she is quick to untag herself from photos where she’s holding a red cup.</p>
<p>My son would never in a million years be my friend on Facebook.</p>
<p>simpkin, “I’ve noticed that she is quick to untag herself from photos where she’s holding a red cup.” Fortunately, that’s not an issue with our D. She’s not a drinker and doesn’t hang out with that crowd.</p>
<p>I am FB friends with both my son and daughter, but they are 26 and 29 and aren’t big FB posters. That said, my daughter’s BF posted something funny a week ago and I commented on it; boy did I get grief from my daughter 
She said I should not have commented on his post as I don’t know him; we have met once as they live in different cities from each other and us. I told her I would not comment again to a post on her page and if she wanted to defriend me, to go right ahead. I was then told I was being dramatic!!</p>
<p>When my son announced he was in love, I immediately started googling the girl and her parents; it was easy to find as they were from a smaller town. We have since met the girl and really like her, but her father has some deep politically and personal views that are the opposite of ours. I have not met the parents yet and I feel guilty that I have the preconceived opinion of this man and a secret dislike, that I am hoping is unfounded. </p>
<p>I also googled a boy my daughter started dating and found some interesting thinks about both parents; nothing bad, just interesting. My daughter didn’t go out with him long as he disclosed one of the interesting items as well as something disturbing; she called it off immediately.</p>
<p>Google is public and like others have said, it is there for anyone to see. I have at times googled my husband and kids just to make sure nothing pops up that anyone would regret. My husband posts on a professional forum using his name, so those post come up. To someone not on the forum, his post read out of context could be seen as views that others don’t believe in, but at this point he doesn’t worry about it.</p>
<p>My future mil uses fb to passive aggressively attack me. We are friends but she is blocked from almost everything now because she insists on making snide comments. </p>
<p>My parents are friends with my so and my dad is friends with lots of mine. I don’t think he would fb stalk even if he knew how. My parents know I’d never lie to them so they just ask rather than snoop :)</p>
<p>Also, googling the PARENTS of someone?</p>
<p>romani, sorry to hear about your future MIL. Sounds like things are getting off to a rough start.</p>
<p>Nah, it’s nbd.</p>
<p>Actually, my husband is FB friends with a couple of my son’s friends as my husband is a photographer and takes nice photos of the kids so they have access to them. I have cautioned him to not post on any of our S’s friends walls. That whatever is being said is not for him. </p>
<p>FB is such an interesting medium. People’e entire personalities are on display. I am not a big FB poster. I do like to look at the photos though.</p>
<p>I did google my son’s first college girlfriend, purely out of curiosity. I knew I’d like her because I’ve liked all of my son’s friends. I knew it would be months before we got to meet her and my son isn’t chatty about his personal life. I also used to look up some of his profs on Rate my Professor, just as a way to feel a little connected to his life in college. I don’t consider myself to be intrusive.</p>
<p>Questions to all you googlers:</p>
<p>What are your personal limits to googling people in your children’s lives?</p>
<p>At what point in your child’s life will you deem them able to maneuver through life all by themselves?</p>
<p>How long do you see yourselves running interference for them? </p>
<p>Are you/will you be checking out their employers before they accept positions? Their obstetricians when they are pregnant? Your grandchildren’s day care providers?</p>
<p>Eastcoast, lol. I draw the distinction between an 18-21 year old that has never had a SO before and has never lived away from their parents before and someone with a few years of experience under their belt. I hope I’ll always be there (as long as I can) to help my kids if they ask to advise them about doctors, to share knowledge that I already have, if asked.</p>
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<p>There are ways to make the bad stuff go away. For reasons related to my job, I was googling the name of a man who had been locally notorious…the “black sheep” son of a very prominent person in town, served prison time, numerous DWIs, died fairly young in an accident that he caused. (I remember all this from the not too distant past.) What did the google search reveal? Virtually nothing. He almost never exisited. A few mentions of his charitable works. Fascinating.</p>
<p>Whatever is out on WWW is fair game. I will continue to give any relevant information to my family as long as I live.
This is a different question. I no longer offer any help to D1 without her asking. For some reason, I am her and her friends’ go to person whenever they have job related questions. I help them with job search and interview preps. Sometimes they’ll come to me with personal finance questions.</p>
<p>eastcoascrazy, when I was in the hospital with serious issues, you bet my family members were googling and researching doctors. I was a 40 year old adult, and my siblings found me a better doctor than the one assigned to me at the hospital.</p>
<p>I’m not on Facebook, so I am not friends with my kids. I did Google my D’s college boyfriend out of curiosity. I looked up her employer after she accepted a job because she said they are on the list of best employers and I wanted to learn more. No interference running here, although she did ask my opinion on which health care plan to choose, about 401k’s etc, and I have advised her on her taxes. We talk on the phone every week or two, I am not heavily involved in her daily life.</p>
<p>I google doctors, service people, potential employees of my husbands, not just my children’s dates! My parents and relatives will call me to research a person or place as I am the one with the time and the knowledge. I do not share what I find unless the information is requested by that person; my son does not know what I have read about his girlfriends father, although I suspect he has an idea of the man’s view as he has spent a few days at their home!</p>
<p>There is a huge chasm-sized difference between your kids asking for help/suggestions about things such as healthcare plans, financial issues, etc. and googling or FB stalking friends of friends of friends of SO’s and their families. </p>
<p>These are, presumably, ADULT children who are savvy enough to go away to college, take care of themselves, research businesses, get job interviews and jobs, meet people, decide on their own whether to date them, and so on, just as we all did before the internet age.</p>
<p>This level of involvement in our kids’ PRIVATE lives is just another outgrowth of the helicopter parent age, and I feel sorry for kids who just assume it’s normal and part of daily life that their parents think it’s perfectly ok to do this.</p>
<p>I GET researching doctors-we know someone whose limb was saved because HE asked his family to google up options after he had an unsatisfactory meeting with his assigned doc. I get looking up a company you’ve never heard of-but it’s my KIDS’ job to find them in the first place, do their homework BEFORE applying-even my non-Facebook/googling S knows to do that (and it’s how he got to where he’s at in life-imagine that). </p>
<p>If my kids are old enough to be considered legal adults and have no disabilities, they should know how to relate to other adults that they befriend and/or date, and make their own decisions. As I’ve learned just living my life, a person’s friends and friends of friends, or family background doesn’t always relate to the person THEY have become.And that goes both ways. Had the internet existed when I was in college, my first serious SO and his family would have come off as near perfect. No alarm bells. And so it was until he began beating me. </p>
<p>FWIW, I am friends with both D’s-the 13 yo has to give us full access, the 23 yo-I know for sure she allows me to only see what she wants me to see, as it should be. Her friends are her business because she’s a GROWN UP.</p>
<p>" my son does not know what I have read about his girlfriends father, although I suspect he has an idea of the man’s view as he has spent a few days at their home! "</p>
<p>Yes, so there was no need to google the guy in the first place!</p>
<p>Sseamom–yes, thank you!</p>
<p>Maybe because I am from a different generation of parents than most of you (my kid are 27 and 30), but I cannot imagine needing to check things out and warn them as is being described here, not now, and not when they were college age. Let them figure out how to be adults, for heaven’s sake.</p>
<p>And no, helping someone find medical advice is not remotely the same thing.</p>
<p>The helicopter blades are whirring!</p>