<p>D tends not to serial date, but has had three boyfriends since HS. I got to know each one of these nice young men very well. It NEVER occurred to me to google them. Never ever. Then again…D has excellent taste. And I have to admit the idea of googling D’s boyfriend and his family does seem vaguely creepy to me.</p>
<p>I just tried googling myself out of curiosity. Just as I suspected, nothing about me personally until quite a few pages in even with specifics. </p>
<p>Both my first and last name are very common. Plus, google insists on including names similar to my own that are NOT my name.</p>
<p>garland, I’m not sure if we’re about the same age, but my two older kids are 23 and 28. The 23 yo’s father has taken to FB stalking her friends of friends and their families and googling them-it is one of the reasons they don’t speak.</p>
<p>wow, there is a whole lot of sanctimonious proclaiming going on here!! </p>
<p>“Facebook Stalking” is a term that people love to throw out there. If someone posts on FB publicly, then they must presume this info is out there for the world to see. Nothing anyone has described here is, in my opinion, intrusive or a bad thing. As far as I can see, nobody is googling their adult kids’ associates/job/etc in order to manipulate their kids’ lives in any way at all. They just want to be aware of what is already out there for any intelligent person to see. </p>
<p>Nothing I have described doing has been kept from my DD. It’s no big deal. She told her BF that her dad had googled him—he told HIS parents and his dad laughed and said he’d have done exactly the same thing. </p>
<p>“Stalking” implies some harmful intent. There is none here.</p>
<p>I think it’s the idea, expressed in some posts though not yours, of looking for information to warn, if necessary, the young folks–like they need us looking out for them. That’s the helicopter part.</p>
<p>And sure, it’s easy to do. lots of things are easy to do. that we can check everyone else out easily, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s any more civil than when we had to pay private detectives to do so.</p>
<p>churchmusicmom—I should clarify my point of view. You mentioned that your D met her boyfriend via an online dating service. I could very well understand your concern and “vetting” her date via the internet in this situation.
My D had known each of these young men for a period of time before she ever dated them.It would never occur to me to do such a thing in a relationship since D had met her boyfriends through her personal and professional network.</p>
<p>I’m a stay-at-home mom and probably not nearly as busy as many others, yet can’t envision having the time to spend reading the inane FB posts of my kids and their friends, in addition to my own (presuming I were on FB, which I’m not.) Add to that the need to fully research all their other acquaintances, dates, BF’s and GF’s, employers, professors, doctors, etc., and I’d have a full time job requiring weekly reporting, since they keep taking new classes, meeting new people, and interviewing with different companies almost every week. At the very least, I’d have no more time for CC!</p>
<p>It’s the LAYERS of looking/investigating/googling that I liken to stalking. I MIGHT understand looking at an SO’s information, but their PARENTS? The going through friends of friends of friends…who KNOWS how and when these people even know each other? There’s just so many incorrect conclusions one could draw!</p>
<p>My younger D is friends with a girl she hasn’t seen or spoken to in real life since 2nd grade. So if she’s still FB friends with her when she starts dating and this girl has become unsavory, this relates to my D HOW?? Or, how about the kid who’s a stand-up, award-winning student with a job and amazing college prospects but who just happens to have parents who aren’t that bright and barely made it out of high school. I know a kid like that. Good thing his GF’s parents haven’t “warned” her away from him! </p>
<p>Or, what about a kid with racist parents who has completely rejected their line of thinking, but those parents views are public? This means what, exactly? Is it a reason to “warn” your kid away from him?? </p>
<p>So much wrong could happen with these pieces of information, I don’t see anything good coming of it.</p>
<p>Well, then, isn’t it the responsibility of the information-seeker to decide how to use it? We all hear or see things that we may or may not want to share with people who might be affected by knowing (or not knowing) about it. We have to weigh that information and decide what to do with it.</p>
<p>Well the only thing I “discovered” about my son’s first (and current) GF was that she played the harp. I’ve known her now for 4 years and have seen no sign of a harp, so I probably “found” the wrong person.</p>
<p>I read this post and I googled myself! It was a lot of fun and I read a few articles about work I had done and also saw some some pictures of me I’ve never seen! You all should do this.</p>
<p>And if I had googled my D’s first BF in college, I’d have assumed his parents were highly successful and well-off, based on their town and home, and the young man’s private schooling. However, my D eventually learned they had fallen on hard times, the dad was unemployed for several years, and their large home was in foreclosure. Furthermore, based on certain items on my D’s linkedin profile, her date’s father might assume D’s family is wealthy too. He’d be very, very wrong, lol. Sseamom is correct about all the erroneous conclusions that could be drawn from this strategy. It might be useful under certain circumstances, but is no substitute for good old-fashioned meeting and chatting.</p>
<p>The worm and his friends have removed themselves from FB, and they are CS guys. I never posted on their walls, but liked the pictures. I think they have all gone underground.</p>
<p>I think there should be a new subset to CC; a service to research people. I can read about profs, but only the university stuff. I’d gladly pay Oldfort or others to learn the skills, if necessary.</p>
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<p>Yeah, I used to think that too. Anyway, I don’t actually know what was in the red cups, but I told her it doesn’t look so good, and now she untags herself from party photos.</p>
<p>Reason enough to unfriend ones mother: [World’s</a> Most Embarrassing Mom Makes Peruvian Government Hunt Down Her Son When He Stops Posting on Facebook](<a href=“World's Most Embarrassing Mom Makes Peruvian Government Hunt Down Her Son When He Stops Posting on Facebook”>World's Most Embarrassing Mom Makes Peruvian Government Hunt Down Her Son When He Stops Posting on Facebook)</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s helicopter blades so much as it is curiosity.</p>
<p>I think you guys are getting a little weird about what’s normal information-seeking. My D recently recounted to me a humorous anecdote about some things that happened in a class she is taking and with a guest speaker in the class who had some rather unorthodox views. It was an interesting topic to me, so I googled the professor and guest speaker to give me more context. What’s the difference? I don’t really see the difference – searching for info is searching, whether it’s more info about the speaker or looking at a LinkedIn, Pinterest or Facebook profile. Why is one ok and the other “stalking”?</p>
<p>When I am doing it, I am searching for info. When you are doing it, you are stalking.</p>
<p>Exactly, oldfort!</p>
<p>Is the “find more posts by …” button on here stalking?</p>
<p>Some parents seek information, not to educate themselves as one would be doing when one googles a speaker who is, by virtue of the profession, a public persona. Parents do it in a well-meaning but futile attempt to protect their children from all that is bad and hurtful in the world. One reason they engage in this practice is because they hold the misguided belief that evil resides outside of their children, and seldom within them. Since evil is without, then it will be other people’s immoral or inappropriate behavior that will corrupt or harm their kids. Therefore, the children must be protected from those individuals, like lambs from wolves. In addition, some parents wish to control and manipulate their children’s lives, either for the child’s best interests or for their own ends. None of this is the same as mere curiosity. It isn’t all bad, necessarily, but it’s not simple interest either.</p>
<p>Frankly, if I were to learn my D was dating a druggie for example, in my mind the problem wouldn’t be the boyfriend, it would be her. How naive would I be if I didn’t think that on some level she accepted that behavior at best, and participated in it herself at worst. Similarly, if my S were hanging out with loose women, I’d consider that a result of his own moral failing, not their bad influence. My attempt to “protect” my kids would be barking up the wrong tree.</p>