<p>this thread is really interesting to me. All the different opinions.</p>
<p>I met my H freshman year in highschool and really can’t imagine my life without him, and I have a pretty good imagination. But, it’s just the way it is between us.</p>
<p>But, both of us are children of divorce and neither of us thinks being married is the “reason” we stay together. If he were to come home today and say that he needed to move on, the truth is that I would mostly want him to be happy more than I would want him to stay. I don’t just love him, I also happen to LIKE him an awful lot and I would not want anyone to stay with me out of some sort of institutional obligation.</p>
<p>I don’t think some other woman or man is going to be the “reason” for this. I just don’t. They might both move on to other partners, and so what? Life is long. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make anyone leave anyone they want to stay with. Not even if the Gores divorce.</p>
<p>Yet, somehow, each and every one of them affected me profoundly and personally. Especially the guy with the wide stance. That broke my heart. :(</p>
<p>Brittney Spears being married for 45 minutes or whatever it was might make marriage “look like a joke” in the eyes of some beholders. Though I could not care less. How does a marriage that lasts 40 years make the institution look like a joke? I’m just not seeing it.</p>
<p>If you’re opposed to divorce for couples who are “only” unhappy - feel free to stay married. If you consider it an obligation to do so in order to strengthen marriage as an institution - feel free to do that, too. But an awful lot of married couples out here (I’m half of one of them) aren’t paying attention to your marriage. And it’s fine with me if you don’t strengthen mine. I’ll take care of it, thanks.</p>
<p>frazzled–A marriage of 40 years, however it ends, certainly isn’t a “joke.” What makes me sad is that’s a long, long time to invest before deciding it’s not right … or no longer working. But, as Confuscious once said, “S**t happens.” :(</p>
<p>But, Hindoo, I really actually think the perspective of “it’s not right” is skewed. How about, “It was a really great marriage.” And now it isn’t “right” anymore.</p>
<p>It can be a great marriage AND it can end. </p>
<p>I think the Gores had a great marriage which lasted longer than people used to even live when marriage was invented and now they are on to a new and different adventure. I hope they both really enjoy it.</p>
<p>The mistake is to think of it as a failure just because it is over. I just don’t see it that way, personally.</p>
<p>Excellent points, poetgrl. … And I believe you’re absolutely right. … But in a way, it seems tragic to me to be starting over again after all that time. Hell, I’m happily married 24 years, but who knows what my status will be after 40? People change, things happen. In an ideal world, we mate for life and grow old together, filled with joy and memories. But, we all know this isn’t an ideal world. :(</p>
<p>Well, it can be either tragic or exciting to start over. </p>
<p>I don’t foresee this happening to you or me, but if it does? Let’s hope we’d see it as a new chance and a new start and a thing to approach as an adventure.</p>
<p>Heck, in my experience, I have not been married to the same man I met at 14 for the last 20 years, and he has not been married to that girl, either. We change and change. So far so good…we change and like the change. But, you know, it would be okay with me if it were time to move on for him. I’d be okay. </p>
<p>It could be wonderful - for both of them - to be starting over after all this time. I’ve talked to people who say they found the love of their lives later in life. If they don’t start doing what they want now and enjoying life to its fullest, it’s never going to happen. They are still attractive, vibrant people and they could either have a great time dating or settle down again with someone who may be more compatible at this stage in their lives. I truly hope it’s mutual, and if it is, I say “go for it!”</p>
<p>They may have had internal problems all along that weren’t obvious to friends or family or the public. They may have had a good time while it lasted, but decided they wanted something more out of life. Some people have said that they had always been kind of an odd-couple - him, hard driving and intense and her, easy going and fun-loving. </p>
<p>Not really our right to know, although we all want an “explanation” for something inexplicable.</p>
<p>An extended family member just passed away not too long ago. He was in his early 80’s and on his third wife. His first one passed away many years ago, then he met someone who was, well not so nice. He married her, but it ended in divorce not long after the union.</p>
<p>His third wife was a delight. She had known him for nearly 20 years in her social circle, and when they decided to marry it was a revelation for both of them. He reconnected with his family and thrived on their common interests. They were married just 15 years and as happy as any couple could be. </p>
<p>Even this man’s own children said that their dad was happier with wife 3 than with their own mom, and a better person. </p>
<p>Happiness in marriage can be found late in life. The flip side of that is, happiness can be found after marriage is over.</p>
<p>I would needlepoint that for you, but my time here at CC would be in far more limited amounts. I haven’t done that for probably 20 years. It would probably have far more blood spots than thread from making mistakes!</p>
<p>You know, HIndoo, that is a really interesting question, actually.</p>
<p>What I like is how the psychologists are beginning to study happiness after so many years of studying pathology and unhappiness and depression. There are some really great books on this subject and a class taught by a harvard professor on happiness and what makes people happy and leads to a happy life.</p>
<p>Who among us would not want to fall in love and stay in love? But the idea that it is selfish to leave a marriage you’re not happy in is troubling to me.</p>
<p>People do deserve individual happiness. It is very easy to make a mistake in choosing a partner, it should not be a life sentence in an effort to conform to an institution and please others.</p>
<p>In an age where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it’s hard to define the institution as our great grandmothers did. I do think too many people marry too easily, but who am I to judge?</p>
<p>For myself and my kids I don’t think my decision to divorce was a selfish one. My kids have a much happier mother with much more positive energy to put into parenting. They see and enjoy it. I was pondeering the happiness question before the divorce, now I have a skip in my step again and don’t question whether it exists.</p>
<p>I get so irritated when our pastor stands up there and talks about great is was in the days of yore when the divorce rate was so low. Do you think our grandmothers or great grandmothers were happier than the wives of this generation? I just think that a whole lot more of them were financially dependent on their husbands and didn’t have a clue as to how they’d support themselves (and 6, 7, 8, 9 kids) if they got a divorce. I think that both of my grandmothers had miserable marriages.</p>