Gores splitting up?

Parent Cafe
141

<p>I’m with Laketime. It saddens me to hear of long time marriages breaking because of what it does to the institution, the ideal of marriage. Also when high profile folks break up for “no reason” it gives a precedent to many who are not in shape the Gores are to withstand a divorce after all of these years. Like it or not, celebrities do cause a ripple effect. </p>

<p>Marriage takes a lot of hard work and tolerance. It is very easy to get tired of another person’s flaws and weaknesses, and to grow apart. Much harder to keep it together. Of course, no one wants to stay in a marriage or relationship that doesn’t fulfill personal wants. That’s where the work in keeping a marriage, not only together, with the relation still vibrant comes into play. Much easier to go off to something new and more exciting, often just for the newness alone.</p>

142

<p>Here’s my guess: The Gores have been content to live separate lives for many years. But now one or more of them wants to date someone and so they figure they may as well start the process. </p>

<p>My first husband left me for another woman and moved out of state to live with her. Only he didn’t want to spend the money for a divorce. Six months later, I was the one who finally filed for divorce, so I could date again.</p>

143

<p>Responding to post 141: We don’t know that the Gores are breaking up for “no reason.” As other posters have said, the reasons may still be significant even if they don’t pass the marital catastrophe litmus test that onlookers like to perform.</p>

<p>I reject the argument that celebrity divorces cause a ripple effect, or that anyone has an obligation to remain in an unhappy marriage to uphold “the ideal of marriage.” There are no ideal marriages, and our kids will all be better off for understanding that going in.</p>

144

<p>I cannot explain it, but I’m too very sad, probably because I admire the marriage institution [ok I know the joke who wants to be in an institution]. Seriously, I empathize with serious couple that have raised a family and had many experiences from that relationship. Even more when we are talking about forty years–a life. </p>

<p>Probably many of you have experienced ups and downs in their marriage, sometimes it could be rollercoaster, tears & joy, probably some of you have question if it is worthy to stay. </p>

<p>What are the reason people try to work out their differences and even rekindle their love? </p>

<p>I think is because you know you love that person, you make a commitment to be together, you have share the most precious moments with your spouse, you have seen him or her suffer, you have seen him or her cry and laugh, you probably have the most treasure children, you have plan a life together–How can I live a spouse that have been there through our journey in life? </p>

<p>When those things happen–the bad moments, you need to remember the good ones. </p>

<p>Marriage is like a plant you need to water it and nature it. Everybody goes to bad moments because work problems, money, other problems…but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you need to figure out how to deal with bad wind before you experience the breeze.</p>

<p>I want to share with you “wisdom” words I heard so often from one of my elders; He constantly said --in a marriage you write the bad experiences in a “Block of Ice” and write the good experiences in a “block of marble.” </p>

<p>Yes, I still sad for this couple that should represent the epitome of stability! They have all the resources to make it work…and they choose the easy road[I know some of you will say it is not easy, but in their case I will say yes due to the given excuses and not the real ones which will hear later]—departing from marriage.</p>

145

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<p>I doubt the Gores are divorcing after 40 years of marriage for “no reason.” They just haven’t seen the need so far to tell the public what their reasons are.</p>

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<p>I don’t know whether or not celebrity divorces cause a ripple effect, but I completely agree with the second part of this statement.</p>

146

<p>I agree with frazzled. I hear some people saying that no-matter what ( or barring abuse) marriages should be for life.
Obviously that is not the way it is in this country or many others.
It’s fine to say " try this, this and * this*, for a happy marriage".
But what if that doesn’t work?
Should you be stuck?
Should you persist in throwing a good effort down a hole?</p>

<p>I see this response in other family situations as well, such as when a child has developmental/behavioral or other problems/issues. Experts come out of the woodwork telling the parents what they should do or should have done to “fix” or prevent it.</p>

<p>Ya know- some times poop happens, despite best efforts.</p>

<p>I know that must be scary as hell for those of you who distrust their ability to rise to the challenge- but it is far more life affirming and positive IMO, to deal with the situation and the person you are, rather than spending your energy thinking of ways you could have prevented it.</p>

147

<p>Good for the Gores for choosing not to air their dirty laundry in public. Yes, the lack of explanation prompts speculation but why should it be our business?</p>

<p>While we are speculating… maybe Tipper just re-read the Feminine Mystique and got in touch with her inner self and decided she didn’t want to be emotionally ‘alone’ any longer.</p>

<p>Seriously, when I filed for divorce; “why” was the first question everyone asked. Yes, even older children (especially older children?) have trouble with the end of a long term marriage. I talked to my kids but almost no one else, simply because I felt it was no one’s business.</p>

<p>Celebrities divorcing influence couples? I think people are influenced more by the people they are close to than celebrities. The idea that the Gores were happy for 40 years and then just threw it away is ridiculous. Someone was mostly likely very unhappy for a long long time. The end of their marriage should not be sending a ‘signal’ or be an example for anyone. I know plenty of couples who had long marriages and lived separate lives, separate bedrooms, separate bank accounts - IMO living a sham marriage for ‘appearances’ is worse than divorce.</p>

148

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<p>I love my mother (only remaining parent) very much, but I would have insisted my husband stay and participate in his athletic event……coming the next day would have been perfectly fine. My mother would have been extremely disappointed in me had I insisted otherwise.</p>

149

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<p>I think I feel the same way. The person is dead - it’s not like you can rush and still see her alive. It also depends on the manner of death. If the parent had been murdered, for example, I would expect the adult child would need the immediate support of her spouse.</p>

150

<p>SamuraiLandshark,
I had a similar long-term relationship in college. I saw some big red flags and while I couldn’t articulate my unease, I knew that if I married him, I’d wind up divorced or crazy. He is now on spouse #3. His mother is now suffering from age-related dementia. He blames the difficulties in all his relationships with women on their mental illnesses (as he perceives them). Makes me glad I dodged THAT bullet.</p>

<p>As for the Gores…what right do any of us have to demand to know “what went wrong”?<br>
My guess is that living parallel lives just didn’t cut it any more. I’d argue the Clintons have taken the parallel lives route themselves. Each has his/her own sphere of influence, residence, etc., intersecting from time to time. I’m not sure how I’d feel about taking that road myself, though I can see the advantages of keeping a friendship and partnership alive while keeping enough distance that the accumulated slings and arrows of many years together don’t sting quite so much.</p>

151

<p>I understand what people are saying who feel saddened by this divorce. It’s a bit similar to the idea that John Donne expressed when he said “any man’s death diminishes me.” I do think divorce diminishes the institution of marriage for others. My daughter has told me that every time she sees a public marriage dissolve it disheartens her. I think her feeling (and mine) is that if people who have so much going for them – financially, intellectually, looks, seeming to have loved each other at one time, children, etc. – can’t make it then who can? Also, I think when we see well-known people divorce, or have teen pregnancies or whatever that it wears away on any implicit taboo that we have as a society on a particular act – it makes it easier to do. I think there is a fear that it is contagious, but I also think that it is a bit of a germ that spreads – well if he/she can do it, I can do it too. Maybe it should not send a signal to anyone, as someone above suggested, but people are easily influenced and impacted by the actions of others.</p>

152

<p>I can say that, based on the relationship I have with my mother, if my husband didn’t miss his athletic event, he could just keep on running and not come back. Growing up in a close southern family, of course, I would have never married anyone who didn’t know that.</p>

153

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<p>Yes, marriage needs care. Sadly, in some marriages one person refuses to give it care and sits by while the leaves turn brown and fall off and the plant withers. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for some people caught in a bad or painful marriage. There is the knowledge that the marriage will go on as is because they cannot convince the other person that there is a problem and the only thing that will provide a light at the end of the tunnel is death or divorce. It’s just not true that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel – unless you believe that the light is another oncoming train.</p>

154

<p>The Clintons also help each other out politically and the power that each one has is enhanced by the other. It’s a symbiotic relationship. I’d guess that there’s a good emotional attachment too despite their problems in the past.</p>

155

<p>There was an article in our newspaper this morning that talked about the increasing divorce rate in long-term marriages. Sort of mentioned that the baby boomers sometimes get to a point where they see another 20 years ahead of them and decide they want to live their life differently. For better or worse. Comes with different sets of issues when you divorce after several decades of marriage and kids are grown.</p>

156

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<p>I think that’s the issue behind the story…his wife WANTED him there and he didn’t know or didn’t care. I think my H and I would each know that the one with the deceased out of state parent would travel first to make arrangements, and the other would follow in a few days for the service. You, on the other hand, would expect your H to be there every minute and he knows that. It’s the spouse who is clueless, or doesn’t care, about his spouse’s preference, that is the problem.</p>

157

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<p>I think the Clintons are an example of a modern-day Royal Family. Prior to Charles and Di, Royals produced their heirs and offically stayed together, leading whatever lives they chose, but never divorcing for the sake of the dynasty. That’s pretty much what I think the Clintons are doing and if they are fine with it, so am I.</p>

158

<p>"No reasons given as to why in the emailed announcement. "</p>

<p>-maybe it was pointed out before, I could not possibly read all posts, but it was again blamed on Bush. Just another one on him, I wonder what is the next one. It is getting more and more entertaining with each blame, I bet that Georgie is laughing his head off every time. News are the biggest soaps anymore, no need to switch channels.</p>

159

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<p>Oh, please. It does nothing to the institution of marriage whatsoever. That’s the same tired argument that’s used to deny same-sex couples the right to marry. Someone else’s marriage doesn’t affect you in any way, shape or form, whether their marriage is flowers-and-roses-til-death-do-you-part or whether it’s a bad marriage.</p>

<p>If you’re going to say that the Gores’ amicable split after 40 years denigrates the institution of marriage, then you must be REALLY furious at:</p>

<p>1) Two drunk people at an Elvis chapel in Las Vegas, getting married after a few hours of knowing one another and getting divorced two days later when they sober up; and,
2) Shows like the Bachelor, which are about picking marriage partners based on superficial how-hot-is-she qualifications.</p>

<p>But somehow no one accuses those things of denigrating the institution of marriage.</p>

160

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<p>Huh? MiamiDAP, did the communists feed you some drugs? Who is saying that this is Bush’s fault?</p>