<p>Oh, jeez. Off to the Politics cafe.</p>
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<p>Well said! Mimk6, Excellent analysis. The decision and excuses given so far are not credible considering we are talking about an educated couple, their age, family values and political status…definitely there are other reasons that are not public yet.</p>
<p>There is a big difference between “I’m just not happy anymore” and being desperately unhappy.</p>
<p>Of course there is. </p>
<p>“Desperately unhappy” suggests a horrid situation…verbal abuse, cruel behavior, etc. People aren’t “desperately unhappy” when they have a spouse who is treating them with respect.</p>
<p>Don’t agree. It’s pretty easy to wake up one morning and realize you’ve achieved personal growth your partner has not. </p>
<p>In this case it would be easy to see how the mutual, blind political ambition could have long masked lack of the emotional connection necessary to happily sustain a marriage outside of the Beltway.</p>
<p>The Gore marriage wasn’t a failure. One of them just lived too long. It’s really a problem of the ever increasing life expectancy numbers. Until death do us part is just not as realistic as it once was.</p>
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Huh. “Till one has achieved personal growth the other has not?” Eh, if that works for ya…go for it. Just be sure the partner knows that’s the bargain. Although some would be comfortable with that, I’d have to say I’d pass. I’d require the bar to be set just a wee bit higher. Just sayin’. ;)</p>
<p>It’s probably “just one of those things.”</p>
<p>I remember when I was a kid I was devastated when I read a book and realized Lucy and “Ricky Ricardo’s” (whatever his real name was) real-life marriage fell apart. I’d watched so many “I Love Lucy” reruns and they were so funny and perfect for each other. Well . . . that’s life.</p>
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<p>That’s absolutely correct. But unfortunately, there are a lot of people in denial getting married. So…what to do about it? 20 years down the line, the light bulb finally goes on that should have gone on 20 years before…at this point, even the most “optimistic” person finally gets that the spouse was never going to change, and is never going to change. This is a realization better made late than never. I don’t think this person should be forced to stay forever just because they should have known better from the beginning. If that person finally gets it, more power to them, I say, and better luck in the future. Hope that they truly learned something.</p>
<p>Comments and jokes about this situation already began…imagine if “cheating” news surge in the news: Would this support the idea that appearances of cordiality and friendship is preferable to the real reasons?</p>
<p>"A study that found that divorce is bad for the environment, because split-up couples consume more energy than united ones. </p>
<p>“Environmentalist have put this notion up there that divorce contributes to global warming,” …And now, here is Mr. Global Warming, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, now contributing to his own crisis."</p>
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<p>Not necessarily. You could be treated with respect, a kind apathy, a lack of passion-that would certainly make me "desperately unhappy.‘’ If you want deep friendship, emotional passion, physical and spiritual intimacy, being treated with a kind but passionless detachment would almost be worse than outright abuse. Knowing in my heart that my spouse had affection for me but had fallen out of love would certainly make me desperately unhappy and I don’t think I would want to stay in that situation. It would be horrible.</p>
<p>Curmudgeon, maybe I did not articulate well, but one partner often outgrows the other when they marry early. It’s just what it is when they see they have landed in different places.</p>
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<p>How about with oneself? The answer is no of course. Gore is just another regular person, and perhaps that’s why he didn’t become President.</p>
<p>My experience in such situations has been that there is another person involved that just has not surfaced in the news. Maybe not, in the case of the Gores, but that has not been my experience with my personal acquaintances, family and friends. </p>
<p>Early in a marriage, the outgrowing, getting bored, incompatibility, occurs often. With kids, getting fed up, stress, hating the life becomes a prime reason. Fights over kids, money, sex are rampant those years. When another man or woman enters the scene, it is a rescue from an situation that is not working. But in the later years, it’s another significant other that tends to be the reason. If so, it’ll become apparent soon.</p>
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lake42ks you need to clarify your statement…so Presidents are not regular persons?
Sorry I needed to laught at this time of the night…</p>
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<p>I was discussing this issue in a peer consultation group of marriage therapists last week. We were discussing the idea that many people hold that you can always see serious character flaws before marriage. Unfortunately, some flaws aren’t revealed until after marriage. Sometimes people will treat a partner very well in the “in love” stage of a relationship and then turn on the person once they are married and they experience disappointment or hardship. If they feel their partner fails them, they can go from idealizing the person to devaluing them – a process that might not reveal itself during courtship. Also, being in love is easy for a lot of people and they do well in that state, but they don’t do well once it’s more difficult. Some people cheat or drink, or withdraw when things are hard. You can’t always go through hard times in a courtship to know how that person will respond. Sometimes biology overrides psychology in younger people or in the early stages of a relationship and, as time passes, psychology begins to override biology. People are willing to do a lot when they are trying to gain a mate, including trying to cover their faults. Once they have the wedding ring, they relax their guard.</p>
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<p>I totally agree. A person who overlooks a flaw at age twenty is required to live in misery for the next 60 years because they should have known? That is quite a harsh punishment. Plus people really truly do change during marriage.</p>
<p>Let’s go back to arranged marriages.</p>
<p>I was in a fairly long relationship and engaged before I broke up with a boy in college. He was in a different place, and I recognized that. Nice enough guy but the big issues I had with him weren’t going to get easier with time. My family flipped out. They liked him. I told them that if we were married, we would be divorced within a year or two. They didn’t get why he wasn’t the one, but I did.</p>
<p>My husband of 20+ years is a pain in the neck, stubborn and smart, funny and exasperating. But they are all things I can work with. The baggage that the first young man had wasn’t stuff I wanted to carry around for the next 40 or 60 years. </p>
<p>I guess I was lucky to have figured that out when I did. He went to counseling after our break up and dealt with some of those issues, and has found happiness in his life and a marriage of long duration to a lovely friend. </p>
<p>But it could have gone the other way just as easily.</p>
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<p>Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I reject the assumptions that only physical abuse, infidelity, etc. are “sufficient reasons” to leave a long-standing marriage. And I reject the silly premise that the person you are at 50, 60 and the person you married are the same ones who tied the knot at age 25, or that everything about that person was self-evident at age 25. People change.</p>
<p>And I don’t want an amicable roommate who just kindly tolerates me because well, we have kids and have built a life. I deserve better and so does my spouse. If all we can be is amicable roommates – time to move on.</p>
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<p>Complete and utter nonsense. Your spouse doesn’t have to be beatin’ and cheatin’ for it to be a situation that doesn’t need to continue.</p>
<p>If the Gores are fine with this, I don’t see the big deal or why any one who isn’t in their personal circle is “saddened.”</p>
<p>Pizzagirl writes:
If the Gores are fine with this, I don’t see the big deal or why any one who isn’t in their personal circle is “saddened.” </p>
<p>When I hear of these high profile splits, or know aquaintances who break up, I am saddened. I have this sense that the whole institution has been diminished. Somewhere along the line in a divorce someone decided that their lifelong commitment to another human being wasn’t worth nuturing, and that grew into the idea that it did not have value. Of course it happens, for all kinds of reasons, and it saddens me.</p>
<p>My father in law, who has been married three times, 2 of those 20+ year marriages, and divorced twice, told my husband that those who think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, should water their own lawn. There’s some wisdom there.</p>