<p>I’d be soooo tempted to get him a set of monogrammed handkerchiefs–snot rags for the snotty! I see some online for under $25. And how completely disappointed the young man would be.</p>
<p>Just realized I misread the OP…</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with a hostess gift and a donation, but otherwise the BB&B thing sounds like an excellent idea.</p>
<p>From the OP:
</p>
<p>So gifts are welcome.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I think you have it wrong, consolation.</p>
<p>Here is my opinion…if you go, take a gift for the kid. A gift card to somewhere is fine.</p>
<p>If you really can’t stand the thought of giving this kid a gift, do not go to HIS graduation party.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t make up a reason not to go. Just don’t go if you truly don’t want to celebrate this kid . Consolation, the OP said "the invitation did not say “no gifts.” "</p>
<p>Yes, you are both right. I reread the OP and so edited my post.:)</p>
<p>Go to the party with the idea that you are there to support your friend and be happy with her. Give the BB&B gift card, which as mentioned is really a gift to help out the family with college expenses.</p>
<p>You have such strong feelings about this kid that I’m a bit curious as to how you’ve been able to keep your feelings that hidden from the mom. Regardless of your feelings about the kid, this is a major milestone for your friend. I would go to the party but if you truly feel you just can’t be positive and supportive at the party, it might be best to just not attend.</p>
<p>Is the party a graduation party for the KID? If so, perhaps,you should not go. Think of a gracious excuse. This is to celebrate the graduate, and your OP makes it sound like you really can’t stand this kid. </p>
<p>Take his mom out for lunch and congratulate her. </p>
<p>Don’t go to,the KID’s party.</p>
<p>Where I live, these parties are more for the parents than the kids. This is the opportunity for family and friends to have an enjoyable day, write a check and visit with the parents. The kids tend to have after parties/bonfires after they have amassed enormous amounts of money. </p>
<p>Easy cheap no-brainer gift, $20.14, get it? class of 2014.</p>
<p>OP here – MizzBee’s town is like ours. The kids do their own thing. The parties are sort of a “last hurrah” to hang out with a large group of parents that you’ve been standing at the soccer field with, and chaperoning field trips or running fundraisers with, for 13 years. Of course, nothing prevents you all from getting together as much as you want for the rest of your lives, but life moves on, and in the less-close relationships, you move with it.</p>
<p>Then there’s the simple fact that a close friend is giving a party and has invited me. It would be a pity for her to cook and clean, and nobody comes.</p>
<p>For those who wonder how the friendship has survived, we were friends back before we had kids. So there is history and value that does not involve kids. Then we went through the sandbox days together, before the graduate’s personal quirks became apparent (back when tantrums were still normal). She knows she has raised a difficult person. But there is more to life than parenting (believe it or not) and I have simply remained polite about the kid while steering conversations in other directions, in the hope that our adult friendship would still be there as we move into the post-childrearing phase of life. </p>
<p>I will go, taking the hostess gift and the modest useful giftcard, nod at the kid, help my friend in the kitchen, and chat with other parents. Thanks for your thoughts on this thread.</p>
<p>Good luck! You are a good friend. I hope there are no tantrums at the grad party but if there are we would all probably love to hear about them. :)</p>
<p>Instead of a BB&B gift card, I’d go with Barnes and Noble. Saves mom some money on textbooks that way. </p>
<p>My kids pay for their own books… but didn’t pay for their own dorm room linens, etc. So just in case it might help the little rotter out, I’d stick with BB&B. 
And go enjoy the party and hanging out with the parents… I went to some parties last year for kids I did not like much. Go for the cake and adult conversation.</p>
<p>Take the high road and be a friend to your friend. You despise the teen’s snottiness, so why BE snotty? Bring a gift.</p>
<p>I’d bring her a nicely wrapped book. One of our family friends gives a copy of “The Dharma Bums” to graduating seniors. It was one of my son’s favorite gifts.</p>
<p>I attended my 35th high school reunion a couple years ago, the first one I ever attended.
I was pretty much a misfit in high school and dropped out to attend an alternative school.
I was encouraged to attend by a woman that I had been friends with in school and reconnected with on facebook. I was very pleasantly surprised that I had a very good time, and even people I thought were standoffish or snobby as teens, were very nice and friendly.</p>
<p>My point being, since you are friends with this woman before she had kids, and plan on continuing the friendship, don’t write off her kid just because he is a little turd in high school.</p>
<p>Many people who are wonderful people now, were probably little turds as teens.
( of course, I do admit that the woman who initially inspired me to attend, was still as status conscious and hormonally driven as she was in high school- but most everyone else was great)</p>
<p>That is true. The snotty little monster might not be one forever. A lot of people who are horrible in high school grow up to be perfectly acceptable adults.</p>
<p>Could you say to your friend, “Let’s agree not to exchange grad gifts for our kids”? She’s probably thinking that if you get her kid a present she should probably get your kid one. The hostess gift acknowledges the party. </p>
<p>I’ve noticed on this site that a lot of people are more prolific gift givers than I or my friends and family are. I went to several graduation open houses the year my daughter graduated and I didn’t give gifts to the kids in my daughter’s class, even if the parents had a party. And grad gifts are not a big thing in my family generally. </p>