<p>“The strong do what they wish”
Assignment:
Chose one example from personal experience current events, or history, literature, or anyother discipline and use this example to write an essay in which you agree or disagree with the statement above. Your essay should be specific.</p>
<p>“The strong do what they wish”. The monopolistic firm is an embodiment of this quote. Monopolies have power and they use this power to dictate market price, swallow competitors and control the market.
A prime example is Microsoft, a software giant controlling the computer operating system market. Microsoft has vast amounts of control, all other software is interdependent upon them and therefore the consumer is dependent upon Microsoft products. Thus, Microsoft raises its price much higher than development and production costs raking huge profits at the cost of the consumer.
Microsoft also devours competition to make itself stronger. It has vast monetary resources allowing it to either buy the competition or distribute its and advertise its products so heavily that the fledgling competitors cannot compete.
Microsoft is one of the strongest firms in the market. Using its strength Microsoft does whatever it wants to do. It dictates its own price, swallows competitors thwarting innovation, all at the cost of the consumer. But as they say “the strong do what they wish” and Microsoft is a perfect example of this.</p>
<p>I would have to give you a 3 or a 4. You only used one example, and you stated the prompt twice (your’e never supposed to restate the prompt). You didn’t give evidence to support your example, and in fact, Microsoft is not a monopoly. Furthermore, you did not have a clear introduction, nor any conclusion. Overall, it is a pretty poor essay.</p>
<p>3-4 ouch… ne ways then i must practice… it seemed the one in the book that received a 12 was pretty crappy too though (restated prompt) i think i need more specific evidence correct? </p>
<p>the prompt IS from the SAT II writing book not the essay itself…</p>
<p>I say 7-8. You never really varied you sentence structure. Beginning with “Microsoft did this and " Microsoft did that.” isn’t really catchy and is boring. Anyways, try to have a catchier ending and beginning. <em>A tip</em> Something that worked for me was to always begin the intro paragraph with a queston. eg: Did you know… and to end the conclusion paragraph with a challenge to the future. (sometimes this is hard to pull off) eg: May we all take up the challenge to do … Also try to get five paragraphs in your essay.</p>
<p>i read the first sentence and i stopped reading its that boring. Write an essay so that people dont have to pick up a dictionary after every sentence, i suggest you write about your personal experience. So that the reader would think that alot was put into it and that it was heart-felt. Its that easy</p>
<p>I’m not an advocate of forced writing. I feel the most effective writing comes on the author’s own terms and the topic is one the author feels strongly about. Obviously on the SAT II Writing, the passage you write has to be a little forced. You don’t have the time to think deeply into remembering to make paragraph hooks and mix your periodic and basic sentences. The people who can do that in the time allotted for the SAT II are exceptional and their score reflects it. SalikSyed’s essay isn’t terrible, it’s just not exceptional writing and you’re not always going to get exceptional writing in a pressure situation like that. He wouldn’t get a 3-4, he’d get higher. I do agree, though, with a post above that discusses NOT using words people need to use a dictionary for. Monopolistic…embodiment, for example, has nothing wrong with it, it’s just a lot to swallow and doesn’t feel like natural speech. Remember, writing should feel like natural speech it just can’t BE natural speech.</p>
<p>4-6 the content was basically mundane/elementary. Do you agree with the statement: you must affirm or deny categorically, don’t just assume the reader will figure out your intentions.</p>
<p>okay i see where you guys are coming from…
totally… i know its very wordy but i do actually talk like that alot… it just flows out like that… i’m not writing then going over it to put in big words or anything like that </p>
<p>i guess specifics are okay according to the Kaplan book… i didn’t put specific examples of the monoply behavior simply because i didn’t think the specifics pertained to the prompt…
will upping the content help?</p>
<p>big words do not = good essay. it is clunky and hard to get through and some might take it as pretentious. i just think that you used some awkward phrasing, and if you do speak like a dictionary in ordinary life, dont on your essays. the last sentence is incredibly weak though. its not all that bad for a 25 minute essay though. (thats how long its supposed to take right?)</p>
<p>i wrote the essay in like 10 min… also do you think if i used the stronger example for the United states invading Iraq it would be risky considering some one that grades it might be biased and what not… i guess i could write it bipartisanly…</p>
<p>Don’t use examples that readers may not agree with. While I agree with you to an extent about microsoft, what if a microsoft stock holder was reading your essay, you would be screwed. I would use more examples, and more obvious historical examples. Such as a specific facist leader who rose to power and just enhanced that power.</p>
<p>id give a 5 maybe a 6, its way to impersonal and shows absolutely nothing about yourself, has basically no tone or feeling or anything in it, its emotionless… the essay is where colleges are suppose to see inside of you. you look like a robot.</p>